What is the best way to handle this.People say I'm in danger!Maybe im in denial about the seriousness of this

Question

What would you do?
A few days ago I wrote to get advice about a man who just will not leave me alone.Thank you for the advice.?
OHHHHH! He is making me crazy and sad.Please take a peek at my question from a few days ago.I didnt have enough room to write everything here.Here are some of the things that he says to me when I break up with him.What do you think?:

Why won't you let me be your boyfriend? Why don't you want me, like I want you? Why won't you be my girlfriend? I don't understand. I just want you to want me. I just want you to touch me, to hug me, to kiss me....I just want to be with you. Why won't you let me be your boyfriend?

Why can't I ever be happy? What am I doing wrong? Why do I always have to be alone? I don't understand. What's wrong with me? Why won't you be with me? I'm so sad. I'm so very sad & alone. And you won't be with me. No one will.

I tried so hard. I really tried to be your boyfriend. I tried to be good to you. As good as I can be & I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

Sonya, I'm so alone all the time. I don't want to be alone anymore. Why won't you be my girlfriend? Why can't we be happy together? I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying so hard to be a good man. I don't know how to be better.

I wish you'd come back to me.

With love,
Kevin

Answer 1

Guys like this one sounds possessive. I would tell him in the most nasty way to leave you the hell alone. I dealt with this before and if you play with a person like this you will definitely get hurt. You better take it serious. People don't act like that for not reason.

Answer 2

Kevin is a very distrubed man, most probably a controlling monster who is trying to suck you into his web, and is preying on your pity...this man is poison, and you are NOT equipped to deal with his problems in any way...years of pshycoanalysis probably will not be enough. Kevin could well be a dangerous man...get a restraining order and WATCH your back ! He will end up blaming you for all his life's woes, and become more than hateful towards you. You cannot complain to the police, for they can do nothing if he has not done something. BUT! I would go to the station, restraining order in hand, and sit down with a detective. IT is entirely possible the policeman will have a "little talk" with Kevin...that does not mean the nut case will stop his crap..but if he violates the restraining order, he will be put in jail for a night or two. The problem with that is that he may come out hating you and go after you. Sorry to be so blunt, but IF I were you, I too would be very worried! I feel that you could well be in serious danger. Good luck, take special care, and get a gun! Learn how to use it immediately, and do NOT hesitate to fire away if he threatens you in any way..you will have laid the groundwork with the police, the restraining order...and that ground work will hold up as "self defense.."

Answer 3

I think he think you are all his life means. And I feel he might be having low self-esteem. Which make it harder for you to break it with him without hurting him too deep.

I guess you can mention all the quality that you like about him as person. Tell him how you appreicate his effort in getting the relationship work, but relationship is not about changing oneself to satisfy with the other, but that relationship is growing together and that you can't foresee yourself growing together with him. And try to encourage him that he indeed is already a good man, so he need not feeling he is only trying to be one. That sometimes relationship doesn't work out have nothing to do with personality, quality or character.......it might be as simple as house chore habit, etc that draw the line between friends and couple. Please let him know that you have every good intention for making this decision. For there is nothing worse than lying to you and pretend that everything is alright. Broke up hurt no matter who call the quit. And hope he can understand, we both have tried very hard, and it was something that we both will remember, so today apart we will not regret...

=)

Answer 4

He sounds like he's completely obsessed with you and terrified of being alone. He needs some serious mental help as well. If you are trying to break it off with him you need to just stop talking to him. Break contact completely. If he keeps coming around, get a restraining order. The only way you can be free of him is to let him go. It is not your responsibility to stay with him so he won't be alone. He needs to learn how to love himself before he can love anyone else. I don't know that he'll ever get that but its not up to you to make him.

Answer 5

I see two things that stand out very clearly on what he says to you and that is the word I and me its very hard for any one to to have a relationship with any one ho is self centred and if you wood of stayed with him he might of become possessive and mybe domineering an those two things lead to other bad things.Sounds to me you need to put some distance between your self and him.If he approaches you again tell its over and he need to back off befor police get involved. Sometimes blunt and honest are best action one can take Good luck an hope you find what your looking for.

Answer 6

Sonya, You have to be more assertive in the dumping of this crazy guy. He's probably done this a few times to other women also. Just tell him to get lost. Hurt feelings or not, he's got to be stopped. Have a guy friend answer your phone and tell him you have a new boyfriend. Don't answer his calls. One of my friends had a guy chasing her down like this but she was answering his calls and being way too nice, until she put a stop to the calls. She changed her number and didn't answer her door. finally he gave up. sometimes you just have to put your foot down. good luck.

Answer 7

First no matter how hard keep everything he writes in a file. If you have written to him and asked him not to write you back keep that as well. One last time tell him that you are not interested in having any relationship with him. Emphasize that you are not interested in any relationship of any kind. If he persists then you will have to take steps to protect yourself. Contact whatever copy you have your email through and notify them you are being harassed. Then you will have to think about protecting yourself from the stalker by contacting the police and notifying your company that you work for that you are no longer in a relationship with this man and he should not have access to your work place nor do you want to accept deliveries from him (flowers, candy or anything else) Notify the IT at your office that you are receiving harassing emails on your work computer (if you are) and ask they monitor or stop them if they can. The key to this is protect yourself at all times, no matter what steps you have to take

Answer 8

Unless he starts camping out on your door step, or showing up at the places you usually go, or starts threatening you. Don't get to worried yet. Just keep your eyes open. If he does start any of the above, buy a can of pepper spray, and get the police involved.Don't let any guy know where you live until you are comfortable with him.

Answer 9

Get a restraining order, that guy is f***ing nuts! When a guy you don't know very well or any guy for that matter says stuff like, I can't live without you!, thats when you know to act. If he starts getting angry and leaving nasty messages on your answering machine and coming to your house and bangin to get in or coming to your house at inappropriate times you need to go stay with your parents, friends, neighbors, and call the police and get a restraining order.

Answer 10

You're not responsible for his mental instability. Sound like a potential stalker. Keep letters and recordings of messages if he's leaving any just in case.

Be careful. I'd hate to read about you in the paper.