Am i being silly?

Question

My husband and i dot into a debate about smth. he feels he is very right and i feel i am right. he then gets up and says well what you think its just stupid and walks away and mind you i was still talking. I got upset because i feel its disrespectful for anyone to say that what another person thinks is stupid. you dont have to agree with what anyone is saying but you have to respect them. He could have just said well we dont agree and its fine. he wont appologize to me becuase he thinks it wasnt insulting and he didnt call me stupid but my agrument. i think its silly coz if peopel feel strongly about smth and voice thier opinions they are a part of them and therefore calling my argument stupid means that i am stupid as well. am i being crazy?

Answer 1

No, you're not being silly because calling someone's point of view "stupid" is calling them stupid, and walking out in the middle of a debate is immaturely dismissive of another person's feelings...someone you're presumably supposed to value and respect. Those are the facts. As for what you can do about it, that's a bit less clear because he's already demonstrated an unwillingness to acknowledge your perspective as having any value, so additionally arguing the issue would be pointless. He probably didn't get so rigid a perspective overnight, nor will he lose it as quickly, but he could really benefit from experiencing what it feels like to be on the receiving-end of such condescending treatment. There are therapists who use role reversal effectively as a means of getting one partner to put themselves into the shoes of the other person by mimicking each other's behaviors. It may be beneficial for you to seek out just such a therapist because if he feels comfortable behaving in such a manner I am sure this is not the only challenge to manifest itself within your marriage. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

No you aren't being silly at all. He should have the respect to listen to your points in a discussion. It's okay if he was just tired of talking and wanted to end the discussion, but he could have done it in a much nicer way. I don't think he'd talk to his boss like that and he wouldn't because that would be rude.

Just tell him how you felt when he did that and if he cares about your feelings, then he will try to stop doing that and if he doesn't then you know he doesn't care about your feelings.

It isn't the end of the world nor should it be a reason to divorce. People who live together full-time are going to do things that get on each other's nerves. Good luck!

Answer 3

Your husband acted in a very rude manner. If he was having the same discussion with his boss would he have ended the conversation the same way? Probably not. Just because you are his wife doen't not mean he can act rudely.

He needs to understand that you're not upset because he thinks your arguement is "stupid". You're upset because he treated you poorly by 1. Walking away when you were still talking ( VERY rude behavior) and 2. Insulting your intelligence by calling your arguement "stupid".
He could have simply said" I don't think your arguement is valid and this is why....." Callin your arguement "stupid" was childish. And, no matter what he may think, it IS insulting. Again, would he talk to his boss that way?

He owes you an apology regardless of what he thinks is or isn't rude. If YOU think it was rude and you tell him that, then he should apologize. NOT apologizing is saying that YOUR feelings don't matter....another insult to you.

Answer 4

No i don't think so. He should apologize because if the tables were turned he would feel the same way. To me by walking away he said that your opinion didn't not matter and that you, your words and the weight you hold(how much he cares about your feelings and your words) were not important enough for him to listen and the he disrespected you by saying your opinion was stupid. Meaning your logic and the way you think is also stupid he needs to apologize and stop being so disrespectful. I mad just having my own opinion about the matter.

Answer 5

Sounds like both of you need to learn how to argue / disagree with one another. I once heard a counselor say for married people the first rule of arguing is do it alone, the second is argue in the nude, the third rule is don't forget the first rule. Learn to laugh with each other and not feel so uptight, life is much funner that way.

Answer 6

Stupid is as stupid does.
Intelligent people can put forth stupid arguments. But not the other way around.
Without knowing what you were arguing about or what your side of the debate was, I don't know if it was stupid or not. I think you're being over-sensitive and nit-picky.

Answer 7

whats smth. Whatever it is I think your overreacting. He thought your opinion was stupid, and felt secure enough in your relationship to tell you. Don't take it so personally. Would you rather he walk around and lie and tell you how smart everything you say is?

Answer 8

You guys are both crazy... Let it go, and agree to disagree. He didn't call *you* stupid, he may have simply been exasperated with the argument, and let his frustration burst through. Not the best way to express oneself, but we all slip sometimes. Don't make it into a bigger thing than it is.

Answer 9

No you are not being stupid. Couples should agree that there will be situations that arise and they will not always see eye to eye on those situations. You may not agree with one another but you should respect each others views.

Answer 10

Absolutely not, that was very disrespectful. Maybe you should turn the tables and tell him what he thinks is stupid, therefor he must be, and walk out on him. He is acting like a child.