One of my good friends finally left her mentally abusive husband about six months ago, and she has been doing great. Having known her forever, I know that she is happier now (out of her depression) and feeling a lot better. Now, her ex got a promotion and a raise, and she thinks he is happier and she thinks that she should go back with him , for the kids sake.....she actually thinks he will change...she has illusions that he trying (because he bought a nice house 'for a family', etc.) but I know for sure it's just show....he'll start being abusive as soon as she comes back to him.
I honestly think he will just break her heart again (and the kids' heart too). but I have a hard time telling her because she may think I just want her to be available for me (I'm a guy)....
So, is there a way to convince her that I am being honest as a friend?
2007-07-30 08:08:23 · 12 answers · asked by Paul L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, you can not convince her... She has to decide. You can influence and if you have any mutual girl friends they can possibly have more of an influence. Make sure she has some one to talk to in an emergency if she goes back so that if it turns bad again she has a friend.
2007-07-30 08:13:16 · answer #1 · answered by HowAboutIt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a friend, you can be honest and say that you will be there for her when she needs you, and to watch out for any pattern behaviour, if her husband continues being abusive in the future.
The fact of the matter is, we can care and love our friends, but we cannot live their lives for them, and she has to decide what course of action she takes on her own.
You, on the other hand, also have a choice to make here: You may care for her more then you are willing to admit, and if that is the case, you will need to put some distance between you and her till she sorts her life out, one way or the other.
If it's just friendship, then all you can do is step out of the way, and let her make her own choices, while you can provide a judgement free support system.
2007-07-30 15:15:35 · answer #2 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are right, this is common behavior of abusers. They make promises after the other one leaves so the other one comes back. When the other comes back things are VERY nice but soon the abuse starts back up again. This happens over and over and over until the person being abused figures it out.
I would suggest getting her into counseling.
2007-07-30 15:14:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You ARE a good friend, and as such, the best you can do is be there for her when she needs you again. You are right. Unless he's gotten lots of counseling...nothing will have changed. The sad part is bringing the kids back into that all over again.
2007-07-30 18:12:34 · answer #4 · answered by Deb 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can try but she'll do what she wants. he'll be good to her for a couple months at most and then things will go right back to the way they were. a friend of mine has just went thru the same thing.
print this page with all the answers out and hand it to her if you think the opinions of many on this subject might show her that he won't change.
the only way that he might is if he went to counceling for his problem.
2007-07-30 15:14:24 · answer #5 · answered by gymclasshero 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can talk to her until you are blue in the face. I think under the service she knows that her abusive husband will once again show his true colors. She has to make the choice to either live without him or live with him and his ways.
2007-07-30 15:13:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if I were you, I stay out. it's just too sensitive here.
what you can do is to get her to seek help from counselling. she needs to work out with her husband on their relationship and family issue.
not necessarily it is the man's fault, have anyone think of why the man behave this way, can it be the wife who caused the unwanted behaviours? man sometime just can't take it from the woman's behaviour, be it logical or not.
2007-07-30 15:16:44 · answer #7 · answered by lost man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just tell her my concerns. Either way, she is going to go back if that's her decision. Just be there for her once he starts up again. Good Luck to the both of you.
2007-07-30 15:14:21 · answer #8 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. This is a choice she has to make for herself. As a friend all you can do is mention it, and then be there to help dust her off when she falls.
2007-07-30 15:13:43 · answer #9 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your friend is a greedy woman. i dont think she is going back for the man. she is going for the extra money and bigger house
2007-07-30 15:13:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋