Isn't it better to not have kids when you know you don't have the tolerance level or the patience?

Question

Sometimes I think people are crazy because at my age, 51 they think its the law that I should have kids by now? Every man does not have to impregnate a woman especially when he knows he would not be able to care for them. So why bring them into the world knowing their lives would be miserable. Better to not be born then to be born and not paid attention to. There is no law or rule that says every man must have kids.

Answer 1

It is just like you said. People think they MUST have kids. They don’t realize there is a choice. I knew I didn’t want them young. It was my 18th birthday+2 months when I started seeking a vasectomy. I didn’t seriously try until right before I turned 22. I got it, and never looked back. I am very happy with my choice.

Often I am told, ‘You will regret not having children when that karma comes back to haunt you, and you regret your choice!”. I say, “It is better to regret not having children, than to regret having them! Having children is a life-long commitment!”.

My current girlfriend had her tubes tied at age 27. She never had children. We don’t have any patience for them.

Almost none of my friends planned to have children. They were just accidents. I feel that I am a responcible person, and they are not.

They say, I will regret not having children. I say, they already regret having them. In private, they will admit that I made the right choice.

Answer 2

Well, it all depends on the individual.. but yes, I do agree to that, if you don't have the tolerance level or the patience to have kids... well, then you should not have any... because even though, we may all want kids, it would just be very chaotic!!! You need a lot of patience... and some what of a tolerance level to be able to raise children....

Answer 3

So true. It's too bad others that feel like you don't think it through as well as you have. This is a deeply personal issue and one not to be taken lightly. You show respect for human life in that you are responsible by being honest with who you are.

Families, friends, people who should mind their business always seem to have an opinion about this. But it is tiring to keep hearing this over and over like a broken record. So I understand your frustration.

I guess you can just smile at them and say "It's not for me", end of story. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

You should be commended for being open and honest. I wish there were more like you in this world.

Answer 4

very smart man you are... I love my kids and I'm sure their father does as well. But since we seperated he is not around hardly at all and told me to take care of our kids the best that I can. Claims he was not ready to be a husband or a father and needs this time to find himself again. Wish granted ..I take care of the kids. If he didn't want kids why not be more careful. So I do agree with you because now I am mommy/daddy

Answer 5

You think you have it bad? Try being a woman.

I'm 24, and I cannot escape the "When are you having a family" conversation. Truthfully, I don't think I need to procreate to have a fulfilling life. Like you, I lack the tolerance and patience, AND motherly instinct that it takes to sucessfully raise children. Because I am honest about not wanting kids, I've been called cold, selfish.....you name it.

The truth is, people like you and I are being responsible by not having children we don't want or have the patience for. You're right, there is no law saying you have to procreate.

Answer 6

I agree with you. There isn't a law that says you must have children. And if you have made that choice, people need to respect it. Frankly, I wish more people would stop trying to impose their values on others. But more than that, perhaps if more people were really "honest" with themselves about their lives, feelings, etc. we would have less abused, and abandoned kids. I think that's much worse.
Do what is best for you!

Answer 7

My hat goes off to you. I wish it was more wise men out here that thought like you do. If you feel it's not right for you, I'm glad your man enough to determine that and stick with your thoughts. If we had more men like you, then maybe we wouldn't have all these dead beat dads running around out here. Or maybe so many women wouldn't have to be chasing these men to take care of the kids they created. That's part of the reason we have so much poverty cause kids are being made, and they have no one to love them. That goes both ways. If your not ready or don't want them don't do it. Smart Man!!

Answer 8

You are 100% right. If you do not have the patience nor the tolerance you are wise to know that having children is not for you. There is no crime or shame to that. Don't pay attention to people who feel that have to say something - it is your choice and if you are comfortable with your decision - then it was the right one! Not everyone wants children and only you have the right to make that choice.

Answer 9

you are absolutely right. If you know you don't have the tolerance or patience, don't make another life miserable just because you're "supposed" to. Where is that law written? In the best of days, kids can be more than one can handle, even if they are a 5-star kid.....

Answer 10

Yes, I agree with your point, if you are not ready for kids please don't have them. Because you are dealing with different emotion with little ones. When a men impregnate a women it's not only the men fault, but it's both fault for not using unprotected sex. That is why we have so high rate on child abuse, because of immature parents, or children having children. We have teens girls, having baby because they think it cute, but you are forming a human being inside of you, and children are a gift from God, treasure them while you can.