Is divorce after 4 months too soon?

Question

My wife and I dated for 11 months before I proposed. We got along great and it seemed like everything changed once I proposed. She became extremely controlling and I felt more and more smothered. I probably should have called the wedding off but I thought maybe the sudden change in her had to do with the stress and pressure of having only a 3 month engagement…wrong. We’ve been married for 4 months now and it’s been hell. She is upset with me a great majority of the time over the littlest issues and we’re both unhappy. I do my fair share around the house, make a good living, and we go on date nights at least once a week so I am trying my best. Every time we argue, she cusses me and calls me derogatory names. I told her that needed to stop but she does it hasn’t. I do love her but I find myself not liking her and I can’t imagine myself wanting to have kids with her even though I’ve always wanted kids. Does this marriage stand a chance or should we just move on?

She cussed me again last night and I started to get my things and leave. She told me that if I left, I better take my dog with me and I felt like she was threatening me. I don’t think she would hurt him but maybe let him out of the yard…who knows? She has broken things around the house before while upset so she is capable of damage. If I do decide to leave, I will be concerned for my dog, motorcycle, guitars, big screen tv, etc because I wouldn’t be surprised if she broke them. I really feel stuck…what should I do?

Answer 1

This marriage has absolutely zero chance of lasting- and it shouldn't. That doesn't mean you folks should get divorced- it means the marriage WILL change. It will be changed by divorce, or it will change for the better. Unless you've misrepresented your situation, your bride needs help. We can't know what the problem is, only that there IS a problem. I'm not a big fan of counseling, but in this case- you NEED to find answers- quickly. Doing nothing will just simply mean you'll end up divorced.

Answer 2

Divorce After 4 Months

Answer 3

1

Answer 4

I think that maybe you should try counseling before you give up and get a divorce. If you love each other, but are having problems communicating, it can be fixed if both work at it. With marriage, you should never just give up, especially since you say you still love her. She obviously has some issues to work on. It's not fair that she treats you that way, but maybe you both just need to see someone to speak with. Don't let this go on, though. Children are wonderful, but don't bring them into a life where a parent (in this case, you) is getting abused, whether verbally or physically, because eventually a divorce will come about and the older the children are, the more painful it will be.
I hope that helps!

Answer 5

It's only been 4 months?? Dude, I feel for you.
Try talking to her, in a calm and non-accusatory way, about what you just told us. Ask her to try to see how her actions are making you feel. Recognize that you BOTH have a lot at stake, and you want to make your marriage and lives better.
If you've tried that and it hasn't worked, suggest counseling for both of you. Talk to a priest or a professional marriage counselor.
Don't give up...it's always difficult at first. They say the first 2-3 years are the hardest, and if you can work some of these things out now, those 2-3 years might not be so bad.
Good luck.

Answer 6

Well, I would give it more time but take the time to sit down and ask her what her issues are - are her needs not being met in some way you don't understand? Does she suddenly regret a rash decision?

Invest in a little counseling - she might be scared she made a huge life decision too quick and is shocked by the fact that you're a fallible human being. If that is all it is, a little communication and counseling CAN turn it right around when she learns she can trust you as a partner for life and she has not made a mistake.

Abandoning her right away will just be a waste and you might be giving up something great.

Answer 7

I am sorry to say but it sounds like it is headed for the tubes and FAST! Not even a year into the marriage and things are sour? And you had signs before the marriage!! OMG you should have called it off, I mean a little cranky and stressed is one thing but emotional and verbal abuse? Unless she is willing to seek group therapy or something with you this may be it. Start off by just sitting her down and explaining how you feel, how the names and cussing hurts your feelings, and how you really want to make things work. Try it on your own first, then maybe counseling if it's not getting any better but you're both trying. If there is no effort or changes made then maybe she wasn't the one after all. Life does go on, and it will hurt...but don't keep subjecting yourself to this if you can fix it now.

Answer 8

I'm very sorry you're in this situation. 4 months is not too soon. There are many couples that have dated for a long time and when it came time to marry and REALLY live together, it never worked out.
I think this is because the idea of "dating" isn't as serious as the idea of being "married." When you're married, more rules are made and life in general becomes more serious. Not everyone likes this. Most liked being able to fool around and have fun in the dating stage and when marriage pops up, you can see the significant changes that can occur, like in your experience.
For the both of you I think it will be best to move on, but if you're going to try and work things out, I hope it goes well for you.

Answer 9

first I would encourage you to NOT have kids with her until a time when you can reconcile your differences for a long period of time.

have you asked her exactly what the problem is and have you told her how you feel?

4 months is not a long time. certainly a marriage deserves some time to adapt and work out differences. Have you tried counseling?

You are between a rock and a hard place. I would exhaust all resources before I called it quits. But, I also know if she wasn't willing to make some changes, I would not waste 20 years of my life being miserable. I also know that I would NOT have any kids with someone that I could not get along with and who is very controlling. Work it out first.

By the way, if youa re being honest, it does sound like you are really trying. Good for you!

Answer 10

it sounds like you are truly unhappy with her. If she isn't willing to go to counseling then I'd say this is not going to work. Once kids become involved it will become much worse. communication is a key to a happy marriage... talk to her and tell her what you've told us... it might hurt her feeling a little but at least you are being truthful and doing the right thing. Good Luck.. Remember if it's not meant to be you'll know.. don't waste your whole life unhappy... you sound like a great guy...
ok, i just read the rest of what you wrote.... I've been married for 8 years and I've never broke or thrown anything at my husband.. rather she thinks it is or not it's a form of abuse and you should leave her so she can see what she's missing out one... maybe then she will change... I'm sorry honey...