I know for fact that I am not the romanitc type. I want to be romantic to my wife and I don't know where to start. If I did try to be romantic she thinks I am doing it just for sex. How do I assure to her that I want her to be love mentally not physically. I am planning to drop off my son to my parents' house one Friday night so I can setup this romantic evening for my wife. I was thinking of putting a trail of rose pedals on the ground filling the room with candle lights along with a nice calming music in the background leadling her to the bath tub where on the floor is a single rose representing that she is the one. And in the bathtub the water is warm bubbly waiting for her to rest her naked body in. At the same time dinner is ready for her on the dining table with candle and roses. Tell me what you guys think?
2007-07-30 05:20:51 · 16 answers · asked by Harmless 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you were to read my previous questions you will understand my situation. Right now I cannot even hold her hands or hug during the night. She thinks that will lead to sex.
2007-07-30 05:35:14 · update #1
I agree with lots of the other posters here. This all seems to lead to sex. This year for valentines day my dh had a barbershop quartet do a singing telegram. I never would have thought of that and it was actually funny at the time. My first thought wasn't ohhh how romantic. But after they left I was struck by the thought that my dh had to plan for that in advance and keep it a secret from me. He didn't just run to the store and by a bouqet. There was no way it could mean sex because he wasn't even there. That was the most romantic thing anyone could've ever done for me because it wasn't huge or expensive or over the top. It was sweet and funny and thoughtful.
I also like it when my dh will just talk to me and tell me what he loves about me. Because you men tend to not talk much sometimes we women are worried that you don't have those kinds of feelings for us. Tell her (either out loud or write a letter) what you love about her, why you married her what you look forward to with her. My dh just told me the other night that he loves me because I make his life what it is. He has companionship, children who are taken care of, many of his favorite foods prepared, etc. He said that that's what it means to feel like someone completes you. That to me means so much more than flowers or candles or baths. That someones notices what I do and values me as a person. Does that make sense? I'm sure men must feel the same way. I would think all humans want to be loved and valued. Show her that she is. To women that is romantic, to know without a doubt that we are loved and appreciated.
PS when we feel loved and appreciated that tends to lead to more of what makes you men happy LOL
2007-07-30 05:46:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude, why would you set this all up and then try to convince her you don't want sex?
The only way would be to do all this and leave and come back again in the morning.
Based on this and other questions it sounds like you are grasping at straws with her.
Why don't you try some quiet honest conversation over dinner somewhere?
This whole scenario you have described is for celebrating an anniversary or birthday where you are celebrating your relationship, not trying to get her head back in the marriage.
You do understand that her criticism of you was just an excuse for her wandering mind not the real reason she is cold right now. You did put a stop to her staying with her guy friend didn't you?
Perhaps you should man up a little and quit falling for the "romance her" line.
The biggest erogenous zone is between the ears. It is best massaged with conversation.
2007-07-30 12:40:40 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Awesome ideas, but here's the deal.
If you have always done these things in the past and it led to sex, she is assuming you are still fiollowing the pattern...:)
It may take her a few times fo you being a romantic, then everyone cuddling up and going to sleep afterward with nothing in between before she finally believes that you just want to be romantic.
Also, try being romantic when there is no chance that sex could occur, afternoons, mornings....nobody ever said you could only be romantic after dark.
I am a FF/Paramedic, and work 24 hour shifts. I try to do the romantic things when I am gone, 2 reasons, one is that she knows it is for a reason other than sex, and two is that she knows that I love her when I am gone.
2007-07-30 12:29:09 · answer #3 · answered by Michael H 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Kailey If my not so romantic husband was to do something like that I would think sex or he is about to tell me he is dying of some funky *** disease and I might have it to. If you don't want what you are doing to say sex, then leave nice notes on the mirror or next to the bed. Text her and let her know you love her. Take her to the movies don't go all out like that, just to let her now you love her. Do little stuff. I know with me when my husband goes all out it is great for a week or two, but because he doesn't do the "little stuff" I feel neglected so to say for the rest of the year. I also tend to forget about that one beautiful bouquet of roses he sent me on our anniversary. You would think I would cherish them but I only remember the other 364 days he forgot about me. Yeah he tells me he loves me and kiss' me good bye before work but he never goes the extra mile to make sure I know. Try to make the little stuff work.
2007-07-30 12:51:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure what you're worried about. It is only normal and natural for wives and husbands to want to be intimate with each other. Of course, you shouldn't want her "just for sex," but what the hell is wrong with being romantic with the intention of the evening ending with sexual intimacy? If you go through all the trouble of being so romantic with flowers, music, bath, etc. and she thinks it's just a selfish ploy to use her for sex, then there's something really wrong in the relationship. Good luck with your plans!
2007-07-30 12:30:26 · answer #5 · answered by historybuff33 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"I know for fact that I am not the romanitc type. I want to be romantic to the love of my life and I didn't know where to start. I began thinking of putting together a night unlike any other... There are little things that are meant for you to find on your own and things which I want to show you. I just want to show you that I love you, and I care for you. Tonight isnt about sex, but about romance. Allow me to treat you as my Queen, and show you how much you mean to me."
Put those words, or something similar, into a card to present to her upon her arrival WITH the single long stem rose. Make sure you express to her that you just wanted to make her feel loved. Tell her tonight again and again its not about sex, but romance and be sure that you show LOTS of selfcontrol. Dont touch her in sexual ways, meaning no grabbing the hot spots, dont allow her to touch you either... (trust me it will tease her if she tries to grab you or touch you and you refuse. it will make her want it MORE.) Start off with the dinner... then take her to the bath and read to her... you can find a book of romantic poetry, or choose something that speaks to your feelings for her as you lather her in soap. Be sure you massage her, and start at her feet!!! make her lay on her back and talk to her, get her to tell you about her day at work, or what's on her mind... be sure to keep up the conversation and ask her, do you like that, is it too vigorus? etc. move from her feet and her toes and massage the rest of her... slowly carefully with love. Whenever my hubby touches me I can FEEL the love he has for me. Women can pick stuff like that up.
My fiance is a chef, I LOVE HIS COOKING, and he made all my favorites, had my favorite wine and music and added the single long stem rose... MY FAVORITE. He has done some of the things I outlned earlier... and more. I dont ever feel he is only interested in sex, actually sometimes I think he may feel that way about me hehehe, but he does these sort of special things often and I just love it. Trust me when I tell you, she wants to know that youa re interested in more than her body. Make love to her mind... you're already on the right track...
On D-day be sure you talk to her throughout the day so you can pick up her vibe. A bad day at work can either help or harm your plans... be sure you pay attention to what she says. Send her emails, or call her and tell her you love her all week. Send flowers to her job, with a note saying just because... do llittle things that lead up to this.
WONDERFUL. Keep it up, and she will appreciate it.
2007-07-30 12:43:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send her flowers
Leave little love notes on the mirror in the bathroom so she sees them when she gets up
Call her through the day just to tell her that you miss her and love her.
The next time you are somewhere in public together, wait until she is 10-20 feet ahead of you and then call her name - when she turns around, tell her you love her more than life - LOUDLY!!
I think your idea sounds great, but she will think you want sex from that! Sorry! The little, everyday gestures go so much farther than the big extravagant displays!
Good luck!
2007-07-30 12:27:12 · answer #7 · answered by Kailey 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Dude I read all your other post and your wife is not happy. I use to complain to my husband about the same thing and it was because something was bothering me about our marriage or something he had done. you may want to take her to dinner and try to get her to open up and this guy friend that is doing her training sounds like he is the problem. No one married woman will even bring up staying with another guy. Good Luck try to talk her
2007-07-30 16:34:54 · answer #8 · answered by sweetluv2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although romantic, all that would say to me is that it is leading to the bedroom.
If you want your wife to think of you as romantic - it isn't in grand one time gestures. It's bringing flowers home for no reason. Leaving notes on the bathroom mirror with post it's say I love you...it's cooking dinner for her, sending her an "I love you card" in the mail from your office...it's the little things...
2007-07-30 12:29:02 · answer #9 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would think that you are being romantic to get sex. Not a bad thing however. This would be a great idea to get her in the mood. Why would she oppose having sex with you after doing all these wonderful things?
2007-07-30 12:27:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋