i'm not perfect nor pretend to be, i cheated on my girlfriend yrs ago & she returned the favor, which i deserved but i had always stated i didn't ever want to be married just for personal reasons but she insisted she would stay with me even if we weren't married. We've been together now 11yrs (2yrs married) she commutes to the next city for work & continue her education(2hrs away) i found out she's having an affair, this strikes me in the heart if she was my g/f & this had happened i could easily get past this but being that she's my wife, I find it just very distressing....but i can't let her & my kids go...so i'll suck it up & continue through the motions, she says it's over (since i found out) but who cares i just want to be with my kids.
2007-07-30 03:55:52 · 11 answers · asked by belief 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yea it came around & went back around, she tells me she loves me & i know i love her(dumbass) but can i get past this point without resentment & revenge....i think i can but i'm scared because i don't know if i can
2007-07-30 04:11:27 · update #1
Here's where it stands, she wants to work on this but i've pushed her into the arms of another. We had a discussion & like the gentleman said she wasn't getting the emotional support @ home that she needed...i've had the death of my brother & father within 4months of each other & this was just a yr ago...so i'm not stable emotionally enough to give her what she needed but i'm still not there & i don't want to make a decision my children will regret in the future..we have 1 child together but her(our) daughter has a relationship w/her dad just not the best because he was never around..she tells me all the time she loves me & i love her unconditionally like she's my own(because i feel like she is) we tell each other how much we love each other & go through problems just like any other parent & child...she once told me her "father" just left her & she's glad i'm always there for her...now how do i get past "my children" feeling as if i abandoned them if i leave
2007-07-30 05:01:33 · update #2
If she said it's over she probably was relieved you found out and is/thinks she is in love with the other man.
Ask her to go to counseling. Tell her if she leaves it should be because you two failed a s a couple, not because she was tempted.
A new romance can seduce a person into thinking their issues were in the past. After awhile all the old feelings come back to haunt.
Don't JUST go through motions, kids are more perceptive than you think. Stay only for the right reasons.
Do what you need to to stay sane and friendly. Ugliness makes visitation a huge problem.
This isn't true 100% of the time but....
Many women cheat from emotional need. Were you attentive, romantic, saw to her needs?
It's easy to get distracted by stress of work, commute and school. The creep she met just has the free time to be whatever she feels she was lacking. True love rarely starts with lust. if you have a chance you need to take time as a couple away from other obligations (kids, work, chores) You need to date.
If she won't stop cheatin, you should leave. don't get caught up in being a victim and waiting for her. You deserve better.
Offer to keep the kids. Her new partner in crime may find real life as a family less stimulating. She is only at her best with him because it is an escape from reality. Would he feel the same with a sink full of dirty dishes, a sick kid and bills to pay?
2007-07-30 04:05:59 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If things are the way that you suspect that they are, you will be hurt more by staying with her. For the sake of children is not a good reason to stay. It's better for the children to be from a broken home than for the children to live in one. If this is an affair that she was/is in and she is traveling 4 hrs for the trip alone, then I can't see you ever really believing that it is over as she states. Get a grip and do what you know needs done. Divorcing a cheat does not lesson the love that you have for your children. Just my opinion.
2007-07-30 11:07:10 · answer #2 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You’ve been together for a long time and you’ve had your ups and down in the past. She’s cheated on you and you found out probably because you’ve doubted it and that’s probably because things are not going so great anyway. Ask your self if you really want to work on it and then ask her. Staying for the children won’t work if they’re going to feel the tension between you. You need to be thinking of them, it’s great that you want to stay with them but don’t do it if you can’t forgive their mother and the house will be filled with tension and problems. Besides, the best favour you can do your children is by being true to yourself.
Good luck
2007-07-30 11:12:51 · answer #3 · answered by Simplicity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to be with her to be with the kids...You could share custody. Your relationship was doomed from the beginning when you cheated on her and the retaliated by cheating on you. How immature! Do yourself and the kids a favor and divorce. There is NO trust...NO respect...and NO love.
2007-07-30 11:01:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to get some counseling help. If she won't go, you go without her. You need to figure out if you can get past this.
If she got away with it once and doesn't agree to counseling, then she'll probably do it again. Apparently there's something missing that she's looking to find elsewhere. Find out what it is and maybe you can fix it. If not, you're better off to cut your losses and get out.
2007-07-30 11:00:52 · answer #5 · answered by Somethingtotry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that you should talk to her more about it, and let her know that you are forgiving, but that you don't want to be anyone's doormat, she cannot do as she pleases anytime with anyone because she is setting a bad example for the kids and what love should be, you should let her know that, and also tell her that you don't want to lose her and the kids too.
2007-07-30 11:00:58 · answer #6 · answered by ilovelilPhof 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
File for a divorce and sue for custody. My parents stayed together for our 'benefit' and now all 5 of us are screwed up. Women don't always get custody these days.
2007-07-30 11:03:04 · answer #7 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried marriage counseling? If you really want to stay with her, then you should try to get the marriage back on track. If you don't fix it, then she will probably cheat again. I'm sorry this has happened to you.
2007-07-30 11:02:54 · answer #8 · answered by Alli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alls I have to say is that you have rights as a human being and a parent. SO you should really think about it before you truly decide.
2007-07-30 11:00:57 · answer #9 · answered by autumn w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you dont love her and she doesnt love you then staying together for the kids will never work.
2007-07-30 10:58:40 · answer #10 · answered by eb 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋