Worried about a friend - her daughter and her have never been close,even though the mother tries to be.?

Question

The mother says she feels that the daughter hasn't liked her since she was small. The ex-husband had a business and kept the daughter while my friend attended college. They are divorced now and she wonders if the father told the girl negative things about her. Also, she feels guilty about going to college. At the time, she said that she thought she was doing a good thing - showing her kids that education was important, and also preparing herself financially in case something ever happened to her husband. How can I comfort her? What can she do?

Answer 1

Just spend time with her and be herself. She should'nt try to be her bestfriend, she should just be a parent that knows the do's and don'ts in life. She can help her with homework and get her things she needs. Going shopping together is always a plus. And from there give it time they won't be close overnight. But she should not let her run over her by feeling guilty of not being around.

Answer 2

This runs much, much deeper then "curious woman" apparently wants to go. Don't worry I'm here! Ether way two things caught my eye "ex-husband" and "kept the daughter while my friend attended college" then most interesting but not suprising due to the "ex-husband". "They are divorced now" Hmm would seem that theres some history there that no one is talking about.... BAD!!! Now I don't have a clue how long you've know this friend but apparently this guy wasn't exactly...... good husband material? Ether way the marriage failed which usually means there was a lot of failures with in the relationship. How she manage to keep him in charge, spend her time in college, and still allow a environment to foster her childs love for her seems IMPOSSIBLE!!!! You just don't do those things!!! See chances are the daughter doesn't see the beautiful accomplishment your friend did. They rarly due mostly because truth teaches and childern know this by HEART! That money, education, finacially stablity means NOTHING compared to love. What I would venture to guess is two possible reasons this going on which is going to make it almost impossible to take curious womans advice to heart. 1. Your friend's daughter is feeling... betraied by her mother by the cost she williing paid for the education, namly her relationship with her daughter. Sorry the heart sees the truth not the bs we want it to see. 2. Is that she is dealing with the fact that her mother picked a MAN because of what he could do for her (finacially aparently are else there wouldn't be a divorce, sorry I know how this things work;), romance is only part of love) instead of just being happy with her daughter. Very hard thing for a kid to except that there mother NEEDS a man, then divorces him, not good. But lets just cut thru the BS, really this comes down to your Friend being frank and honest to her daughter about what she needs from her. Of course this is going to be complicated by the fact that traditionally in our society we feel that a phone call and a vocation once in a while means a loving relationship, when in fact your friends needs to give alot more then that to this child. But I say this thru personal experience I've seen plenty of women think its a good idea to use a man (sorry thats how the kids see it, not that it was your accomplishment, it was his) to gain what they feel they need. So this is a very, very messing situation, that can only be fixed by some DEEP heart-2- heart. I'm not talking about sorry hunnie I'll never do it again, I mean both crying there eyes out. Usually all relationships come to an end because they lack a common purpose, weather parent-2-child, or friends-2-friend, until they are seeing the same page the there is no bond, just the fact that there mother and daughter, no friendship, and really very little love. If you don't believe try cuious womens way, if that doesn't work take a serious look at mine.....