I'm bi, and I'm a boy scout. I want to know how to handle coming out without getting kicked out of the BSA.

Question

I love being a bi guy, and i wouldn't trade it for anything. But i've also had tons of fun with the guys in my troop and at camps. I know the BSA frowns on gays, and I'm not sure if it frowns on bi guys too. I'm also getting tired of pretending to be straight, and having to blow off people that think i'm gay/bi. Can anybody give me some advice, I really don't know where to turn and what to do.

Answer 1

Hey I'm an eagle scout with a silver palm and I'm gay... If the BSA finds out about you they will "black list" you I believe is the term I was told. I quit before I came out, at least to anyone from the BSA. As they are a private organization they have ever right (I know bad) to kick you out for not following their rules of being "morally straight" So my best suggestion is to make friends, get your eagle award, and then basically leave. Although there are a TON of gay/bi guys/girls in scouting, I know full well... as my best friend that I met in scouts is gay. Plus I used to work at one of their stores selling uniforming, so I saw a ton of people first hand, I swear there were days my gaydar would just go off nonstop. So just keep your sexuality to yourself and use the program for what it's worth. It is a good program and at times I miss it now. But I feel it's their loss for excluding someone who is different. However I gained friendships, went to a lot of cool places/did a lot of fun things, and earned my Eagle, then gave back to the program. So I did what I went there to do. Good luck to you! :)

Answer 2

The bad news is the BSA do not like any sex act, gay or bi. I would keep quiet for now, and just continue to have fun with troop mates as usual. Until they Boy Scouts become more aware of the modern times, you may not be able to come out for a while. You do not have to pretend to be anybody. If guys talk about girls, you are bi so you can talk about that also. If they start talking negatively about gays, you can speak out against it since that kind of talk is homophobic and does not belong in the boy scouts

Answer 3

Why do you feel it's so important that they know that you're bi? What does that have to do with being a boy scout? Respect their right to believe what they want to and leave it at that. If you like being in the BSA, you have to give up the notion that they know that you're bi. What they don't know won't hurt them.

I've read some other responses that are right to the point. What does your sexuality have to do with being a boy scout? Even a troop leader? Suing the BSA has only been another example of how a group tries to force its will onto a private entity and create fascist policy.

Answer 4

DO NOT ever bring it up. Seriously... there is no reason to tell... it will only hurt you. There is nothing you can gain by telling. The Boy Scouts is one group I have completely denounced. I usually give people a chance, but they won't. Get your Eagle, get out of scouting, and be a proud gay Eagle scout like the others. That's the way to stick it to them.

I used to be the Cubmaster in my town. Yeah... I was the big kahuna. NOW I'M A WOMAN! I can't think of anything that pisses them off more than something like that. Coming out now will only get you in trouble though. You'll get kicked out, and you'll miss out on all that good stuff that they do. I use something I learned in scouting every day.

Note: they are a private club, and they have every legal right to exclude anyone they want, gays included. They have gone to court over this many times, and have never been ordered to change this rule. They are well within their legal rights to boot you out, and as someone else said... they will blacklist you, which could cause problems for your kids if you have any in the future.

Answer 5

Seems to me the simplest answer is also the easiest solution. Most times in groups like the BSA, or mine (Cub Scouts Canada) nobody really asked my sexual orientation.

So if you like the bisexual lifestyle and want to live that way, do so. Just don't push the point when you are in BSA. If nobody makes an issue out of it, then you don't have to either. If someone does ask, just be honest and say that you are bi, but that you have a relationship right now and you are not looking for anything else (even if you are not in one). That makes you as safe as any other person. If someone has a problem with that, that's their problem. If they push to get you excluded, then talk with BSA central management and see how homophobic they are and if they are willing to risk the huge lawsuit and media scandal you can slap them with...

This is not to say that you would, but if they are going to be discriminating you, they had better be prepared for a HUGE scandal (cause I think you would not be willing to back down when someone tries to put the brakes on your life...)

Answer 6

Well, the don't ask, don't tell motto should be used here at the BSA. Just like when your'e in the military. I know a man who has AIDS and works for a school in maintenance. He doesn't dare tell because "close minded" people may try and get him fired. He's been there for years and can retire in another 5 with full benefits. If he lost his job, he would lose his medical. And any sensible person educated on AIDS knows it's not that communicable unless you swap bodily fluids. I say keep your sexual preferences seperate from the BSA. You can still be yourself on your own time, just be professional during your BSA term. I also knew a nurse aid that was a stripper at night, but she kept that secret because the hospital staff may have looked down on her...and she was an excellent caretaker!

Answer 7

The time must be near when you will "outgrow" the Boy Scouts anyway, unless you want to eventually be a leader or something.

If hanging out with the Scouts is important to you, then work hard at becoming an Eagle Scout, and THEN "come out" or whatever. Then if they give you the boot, it wont' matter too much.

Or you could always just wear a feather boa instead of a neckerchief to your next Scout meeting. Make a really flambouyant announcement and then tell the fellas in your troop, "Don't worry, boys, you're not my type."

Answer 8

unfortunately, the BSA doesn't distinguish, (in most cases,) between bisexual and homosexual. Being a profoundly christian organization, many troops don't even recognize bisexuality as a lifestyle "choice," and while they DO recognize homosexuality as a lifestyle "choice," they don't agree with it. all i can say is try and talk to your patrol and troop leaders and find out how your troop vIEws homosexuality before you come out, this leaves the power in your hands.

Although they sadly have the legal right to kick out those whom they don't see fit, (ie: gays,) many troops are coming into the light, most troops will accept you or at least not condemn you. and i found that the boys in my troop were all very OK with it, (but i don't think any of the adults knew.)

if you really like it and you find that they might kick you out, you might want to consider coming out and then quitting, then you can go in search of a troop that will accept you!

Answer 9

I'm really sorry to have to tell you this, but so far the Boy Scouts have been successful in legally banning gays, agnostics, and athiests. Their stance is that if you admit that you're gay/bi, they have the right to instantly terminate your association with the group. I guess if you lived somewhere really liberal and you feel that your troop would be supportive, you could, but that would be a gamble.

Again, I'm sorry. But here are some stories of boy scouts who were discriminated against and how they dealt w/it:
http://www.commondreams.org/headlines/071800-02.htm
http://gaylife.about.com/b/a/256945.htm

Whatever you decide, good luck!

Answer 10

I had a problem similar to this once. I would be asked questions that I assume you are asked, things like: "Do you have a girlfriend?" "Wanna come over and watch this hidden porn I stole from my dad?". Etc. (The latter of which had me going with the highest form of acting I've ever had to induce myself with. It was kind of a forced decision, and one of the worst nights of my life).

So, my advice, lie. I know it's annoying but just do it. Or use your bisexual attraction to women, as I'm sure you've done already. It's best to wait until you're 18. The BSA can kick you out, and will kick you out. I know someone who came out as an Atheist and was kicked out. It's a cruel fate, and a cruel reality.