does his mom have the right?

Question

my husband and i both have a disabilty mine is neurofibromatosis and learning and also mild mr. my husbands is learning and mild mr and add. my mother in law has been tell his son my husband to get a vasectomy since we have been together. we have one child who i take vary good care of and much more then what my inlaws thought i would. however my husband still has some trouble like all men do, with taken care of his son.

with her being his advocate does she have any right in telling him to do this and at anytime can she make him do it. and besides telling her no what else can we do about this.

she has been telling him a little over three years now.

its not like we can't handel kids but she has a way of controling his life and he is capable of taking care of himself she just wont let him.

she told him to get one before we got married and after and then just thies weekend . are son is 5 months old and we have been married for 3 years next month the 9th

she is not helping us support are son we are doing everything are self

Answer 1

Your mother in law is a pig and should mind her own business. She has no right to tell a grown man what to do and it sounds like she has controll issues..
I believe her fear is that her grandchildren will be born with disabillities also and she fears this.
Your sweet hubby needs to have a serious talk with his mother and remind her that he's now a grown man and in control of his own life.
From one disabled person to another, I am so sorry for you having to deal with this additional "handycap" (meaning the mother in law). Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

Maybe she just feels that you both have your hands full enough with the one child.
I'm sure you are good parents, but adding another child can sometimes be a lot harder, and I bet she is worried you will have too much work to do with another baby.
Maybe if you got on birth control, she would feel better about the situation. You wouldn't have any surprise babies, so when and if you did decide to have another child, you could plan it all in advance.

My sister had neurofibromatosis , and I know that can be a difficult disease. It is an inherited disease, and perhaps your mother in law is worried about that.

But, bottom line, no one can make you have a vasectomy without your consent. Even if she has legal advocacy and power of attorney.

Answer 3

She is probably having a bad day, if she is like this all of the time maybe you could try helping her out some around the house you know do a load of cloths and fold them,sweep the floor,vacume or dust just take 10 min out of the day to do something helpful she will be thankful i know im a mom and a wife my kids are young so that dont bother me that they dont help out cause they cant but my hubby is lazy i'd love it if he would just go do the dishes and sweep the floor and do a good job at it you know not half a*s! good luck with your mom

Answer 4

Unless she has a legal Guardianship or Administrator of her son she has no legal right to demand he do anything. She may have had one when he was younger, but I am fairly certain they have to be reapplied for once they reach 18.

There are guidelines as to what the guardian or administrator can or can not do. Also anyone applying for either have to prove the person is mentally incapable of making decisions or choices for themselves.

Being an advocate does not mean she can dictate what he can or can't do. A advocate is someone who speaks on behalf of someone with a disability , or supporting them to make choices or decisions for themselves.

I have just recently had a class discussion on this very subject.

I have included some links for you about Guardianships, and parental advocacy which may help you as a parent.

Good luck

Answer 5

I agree with most everyone here...she doesn't have the full authority to tell him to get a vasectomy but you really have to question why mama is butting in here. You said in your question that ...your husband still has trouble with taking care of your son. It sounds like you are the one doing most of the work now...what if something happens to you down the road. Who will take care of the babies then? Do you think your husband would be able to take care of them on his own? How do you get by financially right now and could you afford to take care of another? One really has to think carefully of what is fair to the child or children. What will their futures be like? Even in a household with two healthy parents with no medical issues is tough enough to have more than one child. I would spend some time talking it out with your doctors, therapists and counselors before you get pregnant again. Birth control right now is a good way to go to buy yourselves more time in such a big decision. A 5 month old baby is easier to take care of than when he starts running around and getting into everything...take some time for just yourselves before you add another little one in. If I were you...I'ld just relax for a while....love and care for the one you have now. Research your concerns with who you need too...talk to other mamas around you and see what its like to have more than one baby. You and your hubby may decide too that you only want one child.

Answer 6

She has no rights in this matter--none at all. Legally or morally.

There is a popular belief that disabilities are always passed down from parent to child. While this is sometimes true, more often than not it is not. In any case, since you and your husband are able to care for yourselves and your child, it is simply no one else's business.

I would strongly suggest your mother-in-law get psychologicall counselling. She clearly needs some help with her own issues. In the meantime, try--as politely as possible--to tell her to butt out.

Answer 7

His mom really doesn't have the right to tell him what to do anymore no matter what he has he is a grown man and he is married. You both just need to sit down and tell her that you understand where she is coming from but ya'll might want to have more kids so you would really appreciate it if she would back off a little bit.

Good Luck!

Answer 8

Get a Care Assistant who works with people with your disability and someone from Social Service to talk to her about her concerns and hopefully they will point out that you already have one child (and if it is the case) that she can't make him have the operation.

Answer 9

No since you are taking care of your child.

Sometimes people just need to widen their view of what some one with a disability can do.

Answer 10

She cannot make him get a vasectomy.

However, if she is helping to support you, she does have the right to ask that you not bring any more children into the world for her to support.

If you can't stand on your own two feet financially, you really shouldn't be having more children. It would be selfish of you to create more children who have little or no chance of not being afflicted with the same disabilities that you & your husband have. It is irresponsible for you to want to make more babies. Although she can't make him get a vasectomy, it isn't a bad idea for him to do just that.

You need to think beyond your own wants and consider the innocent child who you want to create who will put a burden on society if they cannot stand on their own 2 feet financially either.

Answer 11

Mother can say what she likes. You might well feel that it could be useful getting someone, who understands your views, to discuss things with your mother - act on your behalf.