My friend is always having problems with her husband cheating even before she married him. Well she recently got a new house (in which he doesnt pay any bills). This weekend my neices were coming down from Texas (neices that I havent seen in like 2yrs. I live in base housing I have 2 children of my own (6yr old and 7mos old). My neices are (11 and 6) well after picking my neices up from the airport (i would like to mention that both me and my baby were sick that day) I got a call from my friend, she says "Girl I am sick of my husband and I am coming to stay with you for the weekend." I asked was he hitting her, she said "No, just up to his old tricks again." I said "well make him leave." she said "I dont want to go through all of that." I didnt feel well and I told her the truth. My neices are here and i didnt have the room to accomadate her and her 5 children. she hung up on me and i havent talk to her since. i called and left a msg to check on her. was i a bad friend?
2007-07-30 01:43:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Have not recieved any response to my voicemail i left her on Sat. what should i do? Was I wrong to just want to enjoy my neices with 0 drama on this weekend, they leave on Tues? idk, I feel so bad.....
2007-07-30 01:45:12 · update #1
No she probably just wanted to make her husband jealous or leave to make him angry. If she wanted a break from him she should have made him leave. Dont feel bad, true friends understand & dont put a burden on each other. Im sure if you would have let them stay he would have been calling & it would have ruined you & your nieces time together. You did the right thing
2007-07-30 13:36:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
STOP......DEEP BREATH.....OKAY...
I do not believe for a second that you are in the wrong. She is the one who has problems with her husband and she obviously is very aware of it because she calls you to complain. I am more than 100% positive she knows that she needs to leave but she dosen't have the confidence and strength to actually go through it. Even if she is not getting beaten she is getting emotionaly abused because if she wasn't she would have left a long time ago. That was terribly rude of her to impose herself and her five children on you especially when you have a family of your own, not counting your neices that were staying with you.
She needed tough love and you gave it to her by not allowing her to come to your already full house. I think you did the right thing by not letting her stay. That is her problem if she wants to behave like a child and ignore you then let her. I believe the reason why she did impose herself is because one, you are probably the giver in the relationship and you finally said no to her and two, you told her to leave her hubby and it hit a soft spot because she knows she is not mentally equipped to handle leaving him.
I am sure you have done all you can to help but women in situations like this end up being part of a vicious cycle. In short, I say you have done your part by calling her back and checking up on her. If she is your real freind she will call you back to apologize because she was in the wrong, not you. You are far from a bad friend, keep taking care of yourself and your children. Good luck!
2007-07-30 15:59:33 · answer #2 · answered by llvllz.Double Dee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You weren't at all wrong in not allowing her to INVITE HERSELF to stay at your house. Even if you had no children and your neices weren't staying with you for a period, you wouldn't have been wrong.
As a friend, your job is to assist her when she tries to assist herself, which she is not. She's not trying to fix her problem, as suggested by her refusing to confront her husband- who is the one she has the problem with. Her husband isn't even abusive towards her and she is still too cowardice to face him.
I think she's afraid to confront her husband out of fear that he may actually leave her and the children. To her, it may seem easier to run to a neighbor's house until things feel "normal" again than to make waves and irritate her husband and make him not want to be around her and their children. That is so not your problem! Friends support each other not use them to prove a point to someone else.
Her unresponsiveness to you speaks in volumes about the degree of your friendship. It doesn't seem that you have an actual friendship but maybe an associaion out of circumstances.
She doesn't have any other family?
2007-07-30 10:10:09 · answer #3 · answered by Honey 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, she was not being a good friend to invite herself over like that. It's obvious she likes the drama or why else would she stay with him? But you aren't married to the idiot, so you are under no obligation to be at her beckoned call every time "he does it again". When bad things happen to friends we should be there for them. But when they continually put them self in a situation they already know the ending to, it gets frustrating. Don't let her make you feel bad- you and your child were sick, not to mention you had plans w/your family. Hope this helps, sweetie.
2007-07-30 10:20:15 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you did nothing wrong, particularly considering that you had your nieces over. You even asked to make sure he wasn't hitting her and that she was in no danger. Odds are her reaction was just frustration, and perhaps jealousy because you are not having the same problems. When people mess up, they'll often do anything to deflect blame from themselves, especially when they feel badly. Just be there for her as a friend in the future (which does not have to mean housing the lady, either, though it is a nice gesture), and she shouldn't have anything to complain about. If she does, then it is her problem, not yours. You can't solve all your friend's problems.
2007-07-30 08:50:16 · answer #5 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If that's the only kind of friends a person can have, then I
guess I just wouldn't have any.
You did Right, the way I would do anyway.
Seems like you've done all you could, and I just wouldn't
worry about it. I would think she owes you an apology.
She wanted to ''impose'' on you, and seems like you've
been good to her...probably many times, and yet she allows
herself to ''chose her male counterpart, over you, and for
that reason, I would advise that you ''stick by your family''
and not give in to that lady, esp. with that many children.
I had 8 youngin's in my home, and I never tried to Impose
that kind of burden on anyone else....
As long as you enable her to continue to treat you like she
does, she won't ever change...but that is your choice, and
yours alone, and Your Responsibility, to make that decision.
I might not have helped you make a decision, but I know
what I would do, and I just would advise her to go to a
''Family Shelter". She can get all the help she needs there,
even counseling...and sounds to me like she could use
some counseling.
2007-07-31 22:33:50 · answer #6 · answered by Too Funny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no reason to feel bad - she does. She knows what her hubby is like and she is crazy enough to put up with it. Why should you put up with the drama when she has probably forgiven him again by now, anyway. She seems to enjoy the drama herself and wants everyone else to play along. You were honest with her, she is the one who needs to apologize.
2007-07-31 15:17:12 · answer #7 · answered by wolf_spirit_eyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was wrong of her to invite herself over and assume that she wouldnt be interfering with your plans. You asked if he was being physically abusive and she said no. You called after to check on her, with no response from her. I think you did what you could do at that time with the given situation. If she married him, fully aware, that he was a cheater, she has no one to blame but herself
2007-07-30 08:49:15 · answer #8 · answered by Eve 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If her husband is so bad.. why don't they go to a marriage counsler? It could help them sort through things... and she has 5 kids? Hoo..... wow. That's alot.... she should not have hung up on you. What does "up to his old tricks" mean? Hm..
2007-07-30 08:52:09 · answer #9 · answered by Millie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋