What are realistic marriage expectations?

Question

I've been married for 8 years and sometimes I find myself questioning if our relationship is a normal marriage. Sometimes I think the media (movies, books, etc.) is constantly feeding me romantic notations that "normal" people don't really do. So, I want to ask a few questions. This is for people in a long term relationship. Please answer honestly!
Here they are:
Does your spouse spontaneously flirt with you or give you a kiss?
When was the last time you got a nice long romantic body massage?
Can you approach your spouse about ANY subject without having awkwardness?
When was the last time your spouse surprised you? And what was it?
When was the last time you had spontaneous mid-day sex?
When did you last have a meaningful conversation with your spouse?
What do you think is the best quality that your spouse has?
What is your biggest pet peeve about your spouse?
I'm looking forward to hearing what other people's relationships are like. Thanks for answering!

Answer 1

I have been married to my husband for 32 years. For both of us it is a first marriage.
Yes, we still flirt with each other. He will come up behind me while i am doing the dishes and hug me, kiss my neck! sometimes while he is shaving i will kiss him.
He gives me regular massages, as i do for him! I can and do talk to him about anything. Nothing is off limits to us to talk about. He surprises me regularly with a flower, a gift for no reason, candy. Just because gifts we call them. Our last meaningful conversation was this morning.
His best quality , wow, he has so many, but In my mind the fact that he loves me as much or more than I love him is way up there! His stickability to be there in good times and bad is a keeper also!
Oh boy , pet peeve , he forgets still to put the toliet seat down!
But when the day is done and all is quiet i can think of no one else i would rather have by my side than he! He is the other half of my whole in life!

Answer 2

Realistic Expectations In Marriage

Answer 3

I have been married for 17 years and have one child of 5. And here are my answers:
1.Does your spouse spontaneously flirt with you or give you a kiss?
Yes, but not as much as I would like him to. Smile.
2.When was the last time you got a nice long romantic body massage?
Never
3.Can you approach your spouse about ANY subject without having awkwardness?
Absolutely
4.When was the last time your spouse surprised you? And what was it?
On my birthday a few months ago: arranged a very romantic dinner with candles and flowers.. and my gift was beautiful
5.When was the last time you had spontaneous mid-day sex?
Last week
6.When did you last have a meaningful conversation with your spouse?
Last night
7.What do you think is the best quality that your spouse has?
He loves me no matter what I do or don't do
8.What is your biggest pet peeve about your spouse?
He is somewhat cheap at times, but working on it
Well, I hope that was helpful in some way.

Answer 4

Be complimentary, appreciative and loving throughout your marriage, every day. Consideration & compromise given and received in equal measure. Be honest and open about your likes and dislikes regarding EVERYTHING. I know this sounds like it could get naggy, but it doesn't have to be if the approach is right. The worst thing you can do in marriage is to quietly suffer avoidable annoyances. This martyr like behaviour can morph into resentment and hostility over the years. Sex and lots of it, whether intercourse is included or not, even if you're not entirely in the mood because as soon as you get going the mood will quickly follow. It's too easy to let life overwhelm and exhaust us, don't let sex or quality time with your love be the last thing on your list of "Must Do's". Always have your partners back. Be a best friend. Life is full of people telling us what we can't do, at home you need to hear what you can do. Never take your mate for granted.

Answer 5

Boy it's no wonder we divorced! By the end everything was so completely negative. But we weren't doing anything nice for each other at all then.

I think the media does plant notions in our heads of what marriage should be like. And other people around us do too. No one likes to admit that things are stinky in the marital relationship to other people. It's like they think of themselves as a failure if their marriage doesn't work out. So people suffer needlessly just because they can't admit the truth to themselves or they feel trapped.

Well, the media is getting better though since I was a kid. At least we have Rosanne and Seinfeld reruns to fall back on when we get down about our real lives.

Answer 6

Hi
I've been married for 15 years comming up in september and I have to say you have a lot of questions that you feel you need anserwing. Let me start by saying this " Why deo you have so many questions" Do you feel that your not getting enough out of your relationship and if so ask he/him about it mabey they feel the same way I always lived by a simple rule dont hide anything from your spouse be as open as posable as often as you can and have conversations about everything. The moe you comunicate the better you find yourself asking questions that if you we to spend time thinking about then you wouldn't ask. A marage is a open book and your an authore filling in the pages if you want to write a bad story with a bad endding then you will, But why?
Come on lets face it we all want to be happy and have trust, and afternoon sex and long walks great conversations so why don't you? There is nithing to be afread of the hardest thing you have done already you got "married" Now you and your partner in my case she is my beast and closest freind who I tell everything including the bad things like foe eg. I work with this woman who is very atractive. I mean DAME she is HHHHHOT so I told my wife why keep it hidin. if your spouse was to find out that you had a crush on another person phisicaly or visualy and you didn't tell them they will be pissed. Remeber a marage is a one way street that your both travaling, the question is are you holding hands?

Answer 7

Before looking at your questions and answering them, don't ever feed off the lies that the media puts out there. It's all to make you feel negative about yourself and sets you up to go purchase something to fix it! Let your life be ruled by what you want as a couple. Turn off the tv and hang out! ..okay..off my soapbox..

1) Yes
2) about a month ago
3) Yes, we can talk about anything, and have
4) This might seem silly but... a can of Diet Mt. Dew. ( He's been working nights, we've been trying to kick the "pop" habit together. I was working in the yard, it was very hot, I came in the house to get a nice big glass of cold water from the fridge and there it was. The can. I thought I heard angels singing! He had bought it at work the night before and stuck it in the fridge for me. It was wonderful. A small thing but sweet of him to do. I'm all about the small, sweet things like that....
5) 4 days ago
6) Today
7) His ability to put up with me?? lol ..No...ummm... His ability to crack me up when I really need it.
8) Has to be how he can miss the clothes hamper by inches.


Good question, fun to answer. Good luck :)

Answer 8

Does your spouse spontaneously flirt with you or give you a kiss?

Yes, everyday.

When was the last time you got a nice long romantic body massage?

Never, I don't like massages.

Can you approach your spouse about ANY subject without having awkwardness?

Nope, but do it anyways.

When was the last time your spouse surprised you? And what was it?

A few days ago, he brought me some of my favourite chocolate icecream.

When was the last time you had spontaneous mid-day sex?

Today.

When did you last have a meaningful conversation with your spouse?

Last night or the night before that.

What do you think is the best quality that your spouse has?

His sense of humour about himself.

What is your biggest pet peeve about your spouse?

He has ADHD, so he often tells me the same thing over and over and over again!!!

Answer 9

Here's a guy's view...on my subjective experience(s).

1) Wives flirted with me for all the years of marriage. It was fun. However, sometimes the flirting became a power trip, especially if I wanted it to lead to something further. Apparently, when you're a young man, it HAS to. I liked the kissing, but my spouse(s) tend to be too concerned about their freshness, end-of-day aroma, lipstick, recovering her tongue and minor things like that to just go wild.

2) Hardly ever.

3) No

4) The divorce was a bit of a surprise. Joking aside, surprises featured nicely in my marriages.

5) Midday sex did not feature at all.

6) Meaningful conversations tend to peter out after some time. The key is to remain interesting to oneself, and with each other. New experiences give new things to talk about. It depends on an individual's attitude to self and life.

7) The one's best quality was her intelligence, and the other her sense of fun.

8) Pet peeves? The one was lazy and the other one would chronically tell fibs to get a sense of "fun" out of something.

I responded to your question, to show you a moral, and offer a reality check. Where a reasonably good relationship exists, it does no good to start scrutinizing it, comparing it and scratching at it. You might just "accidently" poke it full of holes and then it might deflate into a far-worse reality compared to not swopping spit enough, or getting the booty masaged etc.

Lady, you sound terribbly bored to me. Maybe you should be asking yourself these questions, as to how you are contributing to your relationship's "wow" factor, instead of wondering about your expectations from your spouse all the time?

Way too much TV, way too much. Very bad for the mind and the fantasies, and then the reality.

Just enjoy, create your own sense of value, and appreciate the goodness of it.

Answer 10

1. Yes, he still flirts and gives kisses.
2. Maybe once a month, he'll give a massage.
3. I can talk to him about anything, no lie.
4. He never surprises me. We save.
5. We have spontaneous/mid-day sex about once every three months or so.
6. Have more meaningful conversations with my girlfrieds/gay best friend, but still talk to my hubby alot.
7. His patience and understanding.
8. He spends too much time on the computer!