What can I do with the past that's haunting me?Please help?

Question

I got married at an early age and lived a happy life with my husband and have lovely kids.
A few years a go it came to my knoledge that my husband cheated on me.I saw sms that had some passionate words and phone number,I don't know why at that time I fought hard to ragain him .
And I did we're still togather but now after 6 years it's haunting me,I mean his relationship with this other (B).Even though he has been trying hard to keep me and the kids happy and appologized saying it was a flare and would never happen again but I'm so sad and deppressed about what had happened in the past.Please help and tell me how can I get over this or at least what should I do?

I also want to add that he's a good person but his problem is that he doesn't tell me the truth,his story keeps changing,and I jump from one stage to another .
Some days I feel I love him and can't live without him another day I feel I can't stand the sight of that cheater.
Why do I feel this way ?Is there a way of making me feel better and move on .
I have children who happen to think it things are great between us two.
My daughter is engaged to get married.I don't want to disturb the rythum of life for my kids .
I'm really confused,it's obvious (my best friend says) I care for him other wise I sould leave but I can't .
What's disturbing me is that if I love him why can't I let go of the past,and if I don't love him why don't I just leave.
I'm in aggony every day ,my memory is so strong I remember every word I read in his sms , and he keeps saying to me I'll change I do things the way you like.

Answer 1

This is tough. While you will never forget it, you need to learn to forgive the incident. If you do not, you will be just putting you and him in a situation which will eventually break up.

This is not to say that you should not do that anyway. I am only suggesting that if you really want the marriage to work now, you need to get over it. You can do this by either talking it out with him, or by talking it out with a friend or therapist. I would have said time heals all wounds, but I will not be so crass. Of course there are some wounds that time will not heal alone.

In any event, I reiterate, if you do not get over this, you might as well hang the relationship up now.

I hope this helps.

Answer 2

Everyone makes mistakes. You could be the best woman in the world, and he could just get caught up in something without thinking. He made a mistake. He's human. He chose you. Give the guy a break. He deserves another chance. Try and show him why he chose you. Pretend it never happened. Move on and be happy. I guarantee you he loves you , and he wants to see that you are happy with him. Good luck. :)

Answer 3

You are very strong to have stuck around as long as you have. You should check and see if there are any support groups that deal with this topic. It would be a great help to know you are not alone in what you are feeling. Sadly what you are feeling is a tragic consequence of your husband’s actions. Marriage counseling would do you two a world of good. May God bless your marriage.

Answer 4

Put yourself in his shoes. Would you want forgiveness and another chance if you loved the person??
Everything we do or say is a decision, so just decide that the past should be over. If he didn't love you he would not apologize in a million years.
If you truly love him get down on your knees and thank God you still have him.
You can do it with God's help.
If you don't love him, don't torture yourself or him by hanging on to the pain.
When you decide to let go, tell him all about your feelings and make him feel good about staying with you.
God bless you all.

Answer 5

Sit down and discuss it with him. Tell him how you are feeling, if he can he will show you all that he is doing, hopefully not cheating, but he will either reveal his true self or hide his ways. Hopefully he has been true, plus it just may be a small phase you are going through, and if so your husband will be by your side the whole way. Just let him know, the key to the relation is communication, and letting him know will surely improve yours

Answer 6

Try a marriage counselor, If he doesnt like that idea, Tell him how you feel and take a break from him. I think you need to be alone and think about whether it is worth staying together because nobody on this site can tell you how to handle the situation you got to figure this out on your own.

Answer 7

It has been 6 years. Why are you still torturing yourself over something that has been over for years. Don't you have better things to worry about? You are the one making yourself miserable. People make mistakes. If you could not accept his apology, and move on, you should never have stayed this long. How many years are you going to make him pay for this? You are acting foolish. Move on and try to enjoy your life for your sake, the kids sake, and his sake.

Answer 8

on occasion. specific undesirable events in my existence, collectively with my mom passing away and a terrible bout w/ melancholy 2 years in the past, certainly hang-out me. in spite of the shown fact that, I belong to an superb help team referred to as thoughts nameless(EA). EA is a 12-step application that borrowed a similar therapeutic steps utilized in AA. EA has helped heal me of destructive thinking, collectively with residing on the tragedies and issues in my existence.

Answer 9

I'm very sorry he cheated on you...
If he hasn't cheated since and has
tried very hard to proove his love for
you... then give him another chance
and try to forgive him and it's ok to be
sad about what he did.. he made a mistake
and he hurt you... But if he is trying to make
things right... then give him the benifit of the doubt
one more time... I think your scared to trust him again.
I wish you the best of luck...

Answer 10

You need to make a decision for yourself that you're going to get over it and not let it bother you. Say out loud "This was in the past. He loves me. I will not let this bother me.". It's possible that you might never be able to get over it though in which case you also need to realize that so that you can look into leaving him.