My parents are great, one of the best a man could ask for, but unfortunately they didn't achieve much in their lifetime and now my mom is 49 and dad is 59 and they don't have their own house, and don't have college degrees either. I am 22 years old and my wife is 21, we've been married for 2 years now and we were living in the same house as my parents and we were helping out in the house with bills. My wife and parents get along perfect, thats not the question, but now i feel as if i want my own life with my wife, and she's been complaining lately too, so what do i do? How can i leave my loving parent by themselves, they cant afford it, or be fine by themselves, they are too dependent on me, for my mom dont drive or else how can i have my own life? sometimes i feel that god took something so simple away from me, the fact that i can't even have my own life with my wife without happen to worry about my parents like my kids, Wow this is a situation alot of people don't face.
What do i do
2007-07-29 18:23:03 · 15 answers · asked by manofsteel_returns 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Note for zanthas: me and wife are making good money, so we can easily live by ourselves, afford a nice house 3 cars, etc.
2007-07-29 18:30:29 · update #1
People don't you get the point, I specifically said it's me thats supporting the house!!! I am mooching off of them!
2007-07-29 18:32:26 · update #2
You're right about that, this is certainly a rare situation.
Leave. They are adults and they most certainly should know by now how to survive on their own.
How did they survive when you were a kid?
The bottom line is this is your life and you are trying to build a future with your wife. Don't let your parents or anyone else hold you down.
2007-07-29 18:27:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Tell your parents that you'll be moving out soon (within a certain time period ) and that you'll help them plan how they can make it on their own. Do they have any income at all? Are they unable to work? Are you easily able to help them while living independently? There are ways that you can be independent but also help your parents out as well. Maybe you could buy a duplex or a house with an in law suite. Are you guys renting now? Can they afford rent on a smaller place? Do you have other siblings? There are so many questions here, and options. Think of what might work for everyone and then make a plan to set it into action. You and your wife should have a home of your own. Good luck, you sound like such a sweet guy. You need to know that as big as your heart is, something will work out so that you and your wife can be happy and your parents will be taken care of as well. Lots of people face this situation, just much older than you. There is a solution out there somewhere....
2007-07-29 19:16:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you would be a fool to leave your parents. you've said your parents are great, one of the best a man could ask for.
and then you have doubts about their value in your life. if you leave, you would make it very clear to them that they don't mean much to you, when things get difficult. you are very young. you have your whole life ahead of you. you are in a good position to support your parents. and you should do so for the rest of your life if you have to.
this is a situation a lot of WESTERNERS don't face. in my culture, the parents support their kids for as long as they need it. then, the kids support the parents. they don't put them in nursing homes. they get them a nice house and make the parents feel like royalty. the point is to do your best to support your parents. maybe the western ideology doesn't agree with this value system, but i think it ought to. easterners learn a lot from westerners; westerners should try learning something other than curry and karate from easterners.
you must not leave your parents at any cost. your wife would normally be your absolute priority. however, not when the very livelihood of your parents is at stake. how you treat your parents is a testament to how you will treat your kids.
2007-07-29 18:33:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are adults and somehow managed before you were born and can manage it without you and your wife.
Do them the courtesy you would do with anyone. Let them know that you and your wife will be moving out with some notice of a month or two and pay your share of the bills.
2007-07-29 18:35:30 · answer #4 · answered by lh m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Shoot, that's a tough situation you're in. Since your father is a senior citizen, what about a senior residence, usually they cost less, and maybe they could afford to pay you the mortgage. There's senior trailor parks too, not too shabby some of them. Start looking, go to senior centers, ask questions, be determined to have your own life with your wife and make it happen.
2007-07-29 18:33:48 · answer #5 · answered by Amy 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
the way i see it, u have 3 choices:
1)i would try to get a small apartment, or some trailer, or somewhere where u and ur wife could live affordably. and send in checks for ur parents every week
2)stay with ur parents, and help them out and try to get some alone time with ur wife while getting into college so u can get a degree and live comfortably with ur wife somewhere else and then send in checks of money every week.
3) stay with a friend in his or her house/apartment/place of residence
2007-07-29 18:34:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
How were they making it before you started supporting them? You aren't doing them any favors. Move out or move them out. If you can help them financially, then do so.
Another thought is to build them their own house on your property. They don't need much and it would get them out of your house so you guys could have some privacy.
2007-07-29 19:38:28 · answer #7 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are getting to the age that should be able to get help. Talk to them and look into programs to help them get out on their own. Unless its you thats living off of them. Then you nee to find your own place. Just know its probably just as hard if not harder on them than it is on you. Think about how you would feel if you had to depend on your son to live.
2007-07-29 18:28:24 · answer #8 · answered by gagirl01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-09 13:15:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They need to have jobs and get an apartment. Find places that they can get to by city bus, if thats not availble where you live then your mom is going to have to learn how to drive.
2007-07-29 18:58:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋