my dad accusing my mom that she cheated on him. No proof only statements so is lie detector the only solution?

Question

my dad accusing my mom of cheating on him 5 yrs ago. He has been building up some supporting facts about his accusation. No proofs though. He made a whole list and showed it to me. At first I thought it was stupid but then I started to pay attention to my moms responses&reactions. It's the smallest things she does that gives me doubt about her. My dad doesn't have any proof so the only thing he can come up with to proove his side is a lie detector test. Yes, it's not accurate but what else is there? When my dad told her about the lie detector test, she said no because she doesn't have to proove herself. But after she found out that it's not accurate, she said yes. My mom is upset at me because I don't believe her. I told her I don't believe her or my dad because that's like taking sides. She thinks I favor my dad more. They need marriage counseling but my mom is good at talking/dramatic can get herself out of anything and my dad is traditional person who doesn't believe in counseling.

Answer 1

Even if your parents go through the whole rigmarole of a lie detector test, what will it actually prove? That your parents don't trust and respect each other?

In a relationship where there is no trust or respct, 'proof' and lie detectors will not achieve much.

So your father 'proves' something against your mother, what will he actually achieve? Just to make himself more miserable? Nothing he does, no 'proof' or lie detector will change the past.

Where there is no trust, there can be no real love.

If this was my relationship, I'd be looking for the exit.

As far as you are concerned, you would be better keeping your nose out, than playing along with your father's fears and doubts.

If your parents separate, do you want to lose your mother because you take your father's side in what may well be an argument entirely of his own making?

Tell your father to talk to your mother about the problems in their marriage, not to you.

Your job is to finish school, get a job and have your own life. Don't try and live theirs.

Good luck with this :-)

Answer 2

First of all, what kind of parent drags there children in the middle of something like this, unless to use you as a pawn in his game. My advice, like the others is to step back away from all of this. Tell both your parents that you love them, but you don't want to risk having a bad relationship with either one of them.
"My dad accusing my mom of cheating on him 5 yrs ago" So if the cheating happened five years ago, then why is he still dragging it on, that is if it happened at all. Besides, most people that accuse others of cheating have done it themselves. I know that one for a fact, cause my husband played that game. It's so childish and selfish of your father to put a marriage, and family togetherness on the line because he has an issue with something that maybe happened five years ago and can't get over it. Your mom has a right to be upset and deny a lie detector test, it just shows that he doesn't trust your mother, and if there is no trust there is no love, and if there is no love there is no trust. I know personally that if someone asked me to take a lie detector test (rather I was telling the truth or not) I would be offended, especially if it was someone close to me that I thought loved and trusted me. I think it would be best if they entered into marriage counseling before this completely destroys your family, but they are the adults and they have to make that decision. Honestly, both of your parents need to grow up and realize they have a family that they have to think about and support and stop digging up the past.
The best of luck to you and your family.

Answer 3

They do need counselling and as hard as it may be to do, you need to stay out of it....you didn't create the situation, and you can't fix it. And try your best not to fall into the trap of wanting to take sides. Your mother realizes that a marriage is a relationship founded on trust, and for whatever reason, the trust in her marriage is eroding. That's a painful fact to face ( and a lie detector won't make that any better), and it's made even more painful when her child joins in to the chain of disbelief. You DO NOT have anything credible to add to that situation whatsoever....the best thing you can do for yourself right now is try not to learn that behavior or it'll be a dynamic that will bite you in the a s s one day when you have your own marriage. Accusing a spouse is a very serious thing, and (innocent or guilty) the accusation does enormous damage in and of itself. It's difficult to unlearn this behavior once you learn it, so steer clear of it right now. Your future happiness may depend upon it...not to mention your relationship with both of your parents. Good luck.

Answer 4

First of all, you shouldn't have been brought in the middle of this. If they want to save their marriage, they will work together to try to find the underlying issue. Why does he not trust her? Can she change the behavior thats making him think those things?
Maybe they can compromise and say that if he will try counseling, than she will do a lie detector test.
Overall, they need to know that if your mom is not cheating, and she does not pass the test, it will ruin their relationship for nothing.

Answer 5

Either way this is not your problem, it's their problem. The best thing you can do is to stay out of it. Your dad is foolish for showing the list to you. Plus it's 5 years ago, if you don't have solid proof what good is it to keep going back and dig it up? How can you have closure with that?

A lie detector is not reliable either.

Answer 6

Honey, I am sorry to say this, but, you should NOT be involved in this topic. AT ALL. EVER. IF your mother cheated or not, your father is behaving like a selfish child trying to get other people involved. They got married as 2 adults, they had children as adults, now, they need to act like adults and leave you OUT OF IT.

She is your mother. She loves you. Whether she cheated or not, it is between your parents. Stay out of it. Love her as she loves you.

Please tell your parents that you don't need to be a pawn. This is very sad. If you feel like you can talk to an aunt, or neighbor, perhaps they could talk to your dad. His behavior is ridiculous!

Answer 7

This is NOT your problem.
And your parents should have never dragged you into it. That is absolutely ridiculous. I feel so bad for you.
This is THEIR problem.
If you ask me, they are both acting very childish.
You need to tell them that you are removing yourself from this situation and you don't even want to know anything about it.
First of all, even if your Mom did cheat....that has nothing to do with you. That was your Mom's decision and you have no idea what even lead her to make that decision.
2nd of all, it's very important that you don't choose sides. You will regret it later in life.
3rd of all, whatever happens to them, you will still be fine. They will both love you just as much as they do now.
This has nothing to do with you. So remove yourself from that situation.

Good luck
I wish you the best ;)

Answer 8

You should help to arrange a lie detector test on a Sunday afternoon. Sounds like great family fun!

Answer 9

For one you shouldn't be in the middle of it. Two your Dad has no proof and, I have found 9 times out of 10 when someone is accusing someone of something they themselves have been the guilty one.
It's to bad they have come to this sounds like your dad either wants out of marriage and wants you to be on his side. Or he has been the one to cheat and is feeling guilty and taking it out on your Mom......

Answer 10

Your father is such a coward expecting you to back him up with a stupid lie detector. You will find out for yourself what being grown up means.

Go to school and tell dad to grow some b***s.