should she divorce him?

Question

my mom is married to my step-dad but is really questioning whether she wants to be anymore... Hes always either yelling about chores not being done right, us back talking or arguing to him or berating us and calling us stupid if we make a mistake or forget to do something.
Hes not abusive to us yet, but pretty close. we had to unload a box , and we were in the kitchen, and he yelled at us to turn the light off cuz he had a headache. He got up took a bat and slammed the lights out. He was do it to the chandilere too, but he didnt cuz my mom called the cops. me and my sister went to our grndpa's that night.
when he found bleach on his shirt he blamed it on my sister, when actually he had set it down on the dryer wich had bleach spilt on it
4 "revenge" went into her room and broke her camera
he accuses my mom of cheating all the time
im 16, so what can i do? should mom divorce him?
hes been so mean! i stay up in my room alot cuz i dotn want to get yelled at, but i cant 4ever.

Answer 1

Your mom knows what's going on,so she has too consider her options which doesn't seem like she has many.Question she should ask herself"am I better with him,or without him." only she knows the answer.Once the cops get called it'll happen again it's not an easy decision for her to make.He should be sent for anger management before he hurts someone.I hope that they both get counseling before it gets worse. Good Luck. (thank god you have your gran pa's to go)

Answer 2

I can only think of one other reason to get divorced other then some form of physical, verbal, emotional abuse or adultery. The only one reason is that two people have tried ever means possible to rebuild a relationship meaning counselling, writing thoughts and feelings out, taking turns to speak with a talking stick, the list of nice things to do for the other person every day, complements, reading self help books, most of all self reflection onto ones own actions. SO I mean everything else, and only then is divorce a last option. Divorce is necessary when two people just can not live in the same house as one another because of lack of communication, respect, and trust. For example my husband was married before me. His wife and him did not have the strongest relationship as they met when he was 17. They got married when he was 21. They lived in a very small town that she would not move away from but there was no work their. So he had to travel 2 hours each way a day for work. Then put in his 8 to 10 hours and drive home. This got so bad that he actually fell asleep at the wheel and wrote off the car. She still would not move. He ended up moving to the town where he could find work and travelling back on days off to spend time with her. They had a baby, then he got a really good job offer six hours away and she said yes I will follow get a house for us down there and we will come and join you. It was better pay his job with more room for advancement. He rented two different homes and for both of them she never came instead two days before Christmas when he came home for the break she said she was moving from BC to Ont. He did not have a say in this she just was going. So he loved his wife and son and wanted to be with them and packed up the house and moved to Ontario. There were there for four months when they moved back to BC for work. While there were there she got pregnant again. You have to feed a family instead of just living anywhere you want. She came back to BC with him. The three months later she and their son were gone. She jumped on a plane and moved to Ontario while he was at work. He has to this day never been able to see his son again and never met his younger son. The courts allow this as it is too stressful on her to have to talk to him thus it is bad for the children. So do I believe in their divorce YES when one person will not work on the relationship and think of the greater good of the family’s needs then divorce is necessary! She would not even see a mediator to try and work out something for the sake of the children.

Answer 3

Your mom and you kids need to go to a woman's shelter. Get counseling there. Your step dad is warped. You or your mom don't deserve to be abused by a person with an anger problem and control issues. If your mom won't go you can talk to a school counselor or go to the police. Call CPS-Children's Protection Service. The police can help you get the number.

Answer 4

Sweet Pea one thing you said is he hasn't abused us yet but yelling and throwing things, etc. is a form of abuse. You can't decide whether your mom should leave him or not its up to her. In the mean time give him space as you already do and pray on your mothers behalf because she may have to make some pretty hard decisions in the months to come. Good luck my dear and keep your head up no one on this sight can really answer your question but if you turn to the Lord thy God he will make all things new and better!

Answer 5

Yes!! What a b!@#$%d!

If your moms worried about being a single parent, there's alot of help out there for her, if she reaches out for it.
The public welfare system really helps women w/kids, she can get housing, food, cash, money for a car, and even help with going to school so she can get a better job.
She needs love and support from you kids also.. Its not easy being a grown up just as its not easy being a kid.

Tell her to take it from a mom who's been there b4.
She will find out that there are plenty of men in the world who would treat her like the lady she should be treated and also treat u kids with the repect u deserve!!

Good luck with everything, I'll say prayer for you 2nite.

Answer 6

If the cops have to be called there is emotional abuse going on. Yes I believe your mom should divorce him. He is a threat to you, your sister and your mother. However in the end this is your mom's decision. If he EVER harms you in anyway tell a teacher or someone your trust right away. Teachers are mandate reporters, they are legally required to report abuse to authorities. Take pictures of any marks or bruises so they can be used in court.

Answer 7

This is all very sad. Remember that yelling is also a form of abuse. You can't make the decision for you mom, but maybe you can talk to her and let her know how you feel about things. She can't be happy either.

Answer 8

Are you living in fear? Is your Mom? Now is the time to get help from a family counselor, before your Dad crosses that line and hurts some one. Talk to your Mom about it. If she does not want to get help, then ask your school guidance counselor or another trusted adult for help.

Answer 9

that dude IS abusive, not almost. he is. she should get the f*ck out of there because he's a psycho. i can't believe women dump me for an insensitive comment and remain married to someone who mistreats them and their children continuously. if you think he won't believe you, show him this. i'm a 30 year old guy who's been in a lot of relationships and no matter how much someone has ever p*ssed me off i would never dream of behaving like that. and people say i'm scary. they need to meet this prize.

Answer 10

There is nothing YOU can do, nor should do.
Let your Mom and Step-Dad work it out amongst themselves. It's all up to your Mom on how she wants to handle it.
But show your Mom support. Let her know that whatever she wants to do, you will agree with her and support her. That way she won't think she's staying with him for you kids's sake.

Other than that, there really isn't anything you can do.
Just say some prayers and support your Mom.

Good luck
I wish you well ;)