how would you feel?

Question

over the past year i've noticed that my husband and i have become disconnected. we moved to a new state where i don't know anyone. he is good at making friends, so has several new buddies. i sent my daughter to my parents for 2 weeks in an effort to get reconnected with him. quite often he has places to go and people to see while i am stuck at home being the parent.
anyhow, over the past 2 child free weeks we have hung out with his friends and done what he wants to do. the 2 things i really wanted to do, we have not done.
this weekend is our last weekend to be alone and we had plans for dinner and a movie last night. he decided he wanted to go fishing in the morning so didn't want to go out last night b/c he would be up to late to make the early fishing call. he promised we would go out tonight but now says he is too tired.
my question is, do i have a right to be pissed off about this? how would you feel?

Answer 1

Yeah I know what you mean. Over the summer we had my husbands two kids, and my son for six weeks. Than we gave his kids back to their moms, and I sent my son to his dads for his six week summer visit. My and my hubby did absolutly nothing while we were kid free. He was always too busy. You have the right to be mad. Tell him how you feel.

Answer 2

You have every right to be upset about that! My question to you is have you tried talking to him and telling him how you feel. Does he know you feel disconnected and that's why you planned the alone time? Sometimes men need a little wake up call. If he knows, then it is very wrong on his part and he is obviously showing you without words that he doesn't care. Being at home all day with a toddler or baby can be stressful. Although we love our kids dearly it would be great to get some "adult time" and it would be even better if that adult was our husbands. Seems to me he is not interested maybe there is something else you aren't seeing? My advice to you is dig a little deeper open up a little more and try to find out WHY he isn't paying you attention. Hopefully as I said before he just doesn't realize it , but in any case I would try to find out. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 3

Absolutely you have a right to be upset. I would be pissed, sad, and frantic, because something is wrong. He is only thinking about his needs and none of yours. You have a serious problem that needs to be worked out. If it was me, I would have demanded he go out to dinner. So what if he is tired, doesn't he think you are deserving of his precious time or what? He is being completely selfish. I'm not an advocate of divorce, but I'm not sure how long I could stay with someone that had a complete disregard for my feelings and needs. Marriage is a 100% proposition, He either gives you 100% and you give 100% or it's not going to work.

Answer 4

Hi ,your living your life around him ,just to make him happy , its all about him , you have a life too, i know its hard to make new friends in a new place, but when he is going out and having fun with his friends and always braking his promises to you ,,,,yes that feels like your being push to the side ,and its hard when he cant see what he is doing .
you really need to let him know how you feel ,and by the answer that he gives you .,,that will give you an idea if he cares or not .
good luck
Leena

Answer 5

I'm a woman and personally there's nothing a like better than fishing, you can tell that by my user name.(a word to the wise ) whatever your spouce loves to do you should also love.Girl get your reel&rod and be ready when he gets up. But don't be a pain in the a--, try to do your very best to show your interested. I bet you'll end up having the time of your life.

Answer 6

Yes I'd be annoyed by that! Did you tell him how you feel? If not you should and if you feel like you are still getting nowhere tell him you think you both should go to couples counseling and find out what's going on and if he doesn't want to go maybe you should still go so you will have someone to talk to and get this off of your chest.
Look in your yellow pages under family counseling or mental health clinics. I go to therapy it helps to talk to someone.If you don't have insurance they will go by a sliding fee scale on what income you or your husband makes.
Good luck!

Answer 7

i would be pissed off too. you need to sit down with your hubby and tell him how you feel. after the kids get home try to set 1 day a week as a date night. get a baby sitter and go out with your hubby. if he wont go then go by yourself and sooner or later he will get the point and go with you. and also try to find someway to make some new friends so you wont feel so left out when he goes out with friends. good luck

Answer 8

I would be pissed off, but I would calmly remind him about the two weeks that you spent with him, without kids, doing what he wanted to do, and since it was your last weekend together, that you wanted a chance to do something that you wanted to do, and that was very thoughtless and selfish of him to do that.

Answer 9

Of course you have the right to be pissed, your husband should understand that you have a very important place he should respect. He is clearly having other priorities and is forgetting yours.

Talk with him and make him understand your feelings. Sometimes we (men) don't understand how important are these things.

Answer 10

Welcome to marriage. You've married a selfish man. It sucks, there has to be give and receive within a marriage. If one never gets their way when it comes to spending time together, they are usually only left with resentment. Nip this in the bud now or it will only get worse.