Why is it my wife basically rejects all my sexual advances?

Question

My wife and I have been married for 5yrs and together for almost 10. We have 2 children one 2 and one 7 both of whom dont sleep well in their own rooms. That I know is one of the problems but other then that whenever I mention sex or try to express that she turns me on by words, kissing her neck, licking her ears, all the things that used to work I get a very negative reaction. ie. she yells at me or uses a very condicending tone. I honestly cannot tell you exactly the last time we had sex it was back in June sometime. I know she loves me or at least I am 99% certain she loves me she doesnt seem to be at all interested in sex. What should/could I do?

let me add a few things right now I am off work due to a work related injury. So basically I do all the housework, take care of the kids, do the cooking, dishes etc etc. this isnt the first occurence of it we have already seperated for a time and I told her then I needed to feel like I am wanted/loved that she has to show me I still do it for her. I know I know I sound like a chick but this is what I want we just recently had our anniversary and I know its not about the gift but when there is no gift gotten I mean wtf are you suppose to think.

Answer 1

I know she still loves you. What my question would be to you is, How many "breaks" or days off has she had from her day-to-day life? Being a mom is a no ending job and if she's a working mom then she just can't catch up. Between bathing, changing diaper, clothes, grooming, feeding, cleaning, washing, straightening, problem solving (I could go on but I'm sure you get my point) there's just no time for mom any more. When we feel overwhelmed and over worked believe it or not we really don't want to have sex. All we want to do when we lay down at night is sleep. Now I know you're probably saying to yourself, "I help out with the kids and house!" Sure you do....or...maybe your not saying that (Shrug) If you are, then kudos to you....but a mere help out isn't enough. You should set days to TAKE OVER and send her to do something that might promote putting her on the front burner. Send her to go get a tan, get her nails done, hair done. Send her to the gym (workouts are HUGE stress relievers and she can get the chance to meet new friends) Whatever it is she would like to do tell her to do it and to not worry about you and the kids cause you're a grown man and ya got it handled right? And not just for two hours either! Send her out for 5 or 6 hours. Give her enough time to go with a friend on a lunch date then to a movie or whatever! If you're her best friend and she likes to do things with you, then it's BABYSITTER TIME! Hire a babysitter and take her out for some fun between you two. I'm telling you. That's what her problem is. I can't reiterate it more than this; You treat your girl like a woman...she will become a woman again and not just a wife and mom. Do things that make her feel like a queen and she'll pay back ten-fold without question! But give it sometime AND DO NOT expect something sexually back from her because you did her the favor of giving her a day or two off. BIG TURN OFF and it will blow up in your face. Just do and make sure she knows that you're doing it because you love her and you want her to be happy. Nurture her and her fruit will be very sweet I promise you.

Answer 2

don't give up hope. your wife is probably under a lot of stress from kids, cleaning, work (if she is working), and plenty of other things. if you really want to rev her engine do somethings that show her that you care. instead of hinting about sex, let her have a "day off" from the kids. that way you can bond with them and she can have a little "ME" time to herself. some women are totally dedicated to their children and neglect their husbands this could cause problems later on in the marriage. those things that used to work for you still do but you have to make sure she's in that state of mind. make her feel as sexy as you used to before the children came along.

if you want to take the direct approach just talk to your wife without the kids around(unless that's not possible) don't under any circumstances make this into an argument! just let her know how you feel and let her know you both have needs too and that you are willing to help with anything to have those needs met. if she is still unresponsive let her know that you are there for her no matter what. even though that may not mean hot and heavy sex sessions every night at least you know when they do happen they will be worthwhile...

Good Luck!!

Answer 3

As a wife....and a mother of 4 is it possible that she does not feel as sexy as she did? Sometimes it takes days of foreplay...smacking her on the ***, kissing her without expecting a thing in return, I know it sucks but, sometimes as a woman we loose who we are and we are no way interested. all we can think about are the kids or our body. It is very difficult as a woman to think that we are still sexy! I would suggest telling her that I have a surprise for her and even go to the lengths of picking out her a dress and sayin hey b ready at this time and tellin her to pack an overbite bag and treating her like a Princess and basically starting from ground zero Just a thought not a sermon
Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

It sounds like she is under stress, perhaps because of the sleeping arrangements, perhaps for other reasons. I would suggest talking directly to her, making sure she knows how much you appreciate her and what she does within the family. Could you plan a special time away without the children? Sometimes a woman wants romance but so many other things get in the way of intimate times that she may feel resentful for some reason. All the best to you.

Answer 5

first we have to deal with the REASONS your wife doesnt want sex in order to answer your questions. Kids, take a toll on a woman they drain from her emotionally all day. they demand affection from her BODY 24 hrs a day. hugs, breastfeeding, comforting those kids in between fights, gettn hurt or whatever is physically draining. Then comes YOU her other duty and responsiblity. Sex becomes another job and another demand. Men usually dont like hearing or refuse to deal with this problem by first understanding your role with those kids is entirely different from hers. You're at work most of the day and come and go as you will whereas she cant her every move is dictated by those kids. If your wife happens to work as well as take care of those kids the problem is worst. By the time she gets those kids down for bed and she can finally breathe here comes YOU with your hands all over her. Man, she is tired and all she can think about is leave me alone i just want to sleep! The answer is simple, but most men dont want to do what they have to do to get the results they want. The first thing you need to do is give your wife a break and take those kids sometimes, surprise her and give her days where she can go off with her girlfriends, you see my friend even though you are married you still have to work for the booty. If you want sex on a daily basis make sure you are telling her you love her each day , present her with gifts, or a day at the spa every now and then would make major changes in your sex life. Men need to understand if you want sex from your wife on a daily just coming home and rolling over on top of your wife is just not going to get it. Ya gotta get ready to WORK!

Answer 6

Doesn't sound good. 5 years is the rough time, when things get tense. Getting mad at the injured party is a common response by the wrong-doer, too. Not to suggest that she is actually having an affair, but she may be in the mood to start. Counseling ASAP.

Answer 7

She might be totally exhausted by work, stress, kids. You have to remember it takes women alot longer to get excited about having sex. Maybe you can look into have a "date night" have someone take the kids for a night, take her out to dinner, when you get back draw a bath and let her have a nice relaxing night without worrying about every day problems.

Answer 8

Could be a couple things. Maybe she has had a hard day staying home with the kids all day, which many men think is a walk in the park and a luxury life. Perhaps also, could she have been sexually abused in her past?

Answer 9

Ask her to talk about it. It's really messing with your emotions and you feel it's something about yourself that makes her not interested in having sex. If she cares about you she should talk about it. Get a babysitter and take her out for a romantic night that ends in a hotel. But this is also a scenario for a cheating lover.

Answer 10

You poor sod.
You have to give her space,everyone wasnt built the same the same in that department and our sex drives can vary depending on age,mood swings,good day at home or work etc.
Be romantic in a sexuall way,tease here with gestures,make HER a meal instead,be the romantic guy she first fell for.
good luck.