Parents divorced, cant decide who to live with for highschool?

Question

Okay. Life story.
My parents got divorcied when I was about 9, and i'm 13 now. My parents live two blocks away, not even. I have a brother who just turned 9. I'm going into 8th grade, hes going into 4th. My dad is getting married in a month, and moving to a really nice neighborhood in a town called plainfield about 10 minutes away. I live with my mom currently, and I go to my dads with my little brother every other weekend, and wednesdays. My mom has a boyfriend who she plans on marrying somewhere inbetween 1-5 years. Shes moving to a town that I don't like as much, about 45 minutes away from here. I want to live with my dad and his new wife, and her son, alex, who is 14, in a year, when 8th grade is over. My dad said I could, but my mom and her boyfriend are making me feel bad saying that i need to stay with my mom because she took a big cut in pay, to become a teacher and go back to college to be home with me and my brother, and I should atleast stay with her for my childhood.

I told her that she will have my brother and her boyfriend and I will come visit her every other weekend, maybe even every weekend, and a few days a week. She says no she would miss me too much and so would my brother. Her plan is to let me go to highschool where im at now for two years then move and let me go to highschool somewhere else the other two years. I think thats mean. I don't want to have to make new friends and everything! I do feel bad because she based her career and life so that she could be home with me and my brother, but im starting to hang outw ith my friends more anyway, its not like i would be there 27/7, im always out with my friends. what should i do?

Answer 1

I think your mom would really like for you to live with her and in a way wants to guilt you into staying. I agree that it is pointless to go to high school somewhere for 2 years and then switch and go somewhere else. I would defiantly stay with the Dad and new step-mom and see how that works out for who. Who knows it may not even be permanent (you may not get along with her or the new stepbrother or something) and its not like you aren't going to go see your mom or anything. This is a very big decision and one of the first you are going to have to make so you need to tell her what you plan to do and stand your ground.

Good Luck!!

Answer 2

Here you go, young man. I feel for you and have several friends in the same position. (Their kids had to do this when they divorced) You are welcome to show Mom this answer if you can not just come out and tell her. It would be better to write or print this and talk with her with the following points in front of you. Talk with love and patience because she feels like you are betraying here and you are leaving the next too young. (you should see Moms crying just because their "baby" is going off to college or the military!)

1. Mom, I love you and I love Dad. Just because I want to live with him doesn't mean I love you any less. I know you took a big cut in pay to take care of us and I want to be able to take care of you when you need me later in life. You did what you thought was best at that time. Now though things and circumstances are a little different.
2. I will be going into high school next year and will probably not want to hang out with my elementary school brother. He will have his friends and I will have mine.
3. My step brother is more my age and he can help me make the transition into high school.
4. I will be visiting as often as possible.
5. Mom, I really don't like the town that you and your new husband are moving to but I do like the town Dad is in. I don't want to stop you or cause you not to be happy with your new husband and I don't want to cause you grief because I don't want to live there.
6. By the time you do move there, I will have my drivers license and can come for supper any day of the week that you might find special. I would not have to wait for the weekends.
7. I know that when I am 14, the court will allow me to choose who I want to live with. I would really like your blessing in living with Dad. It would be a lot easier on everyone if we can do this without a lot of trouble. You even suggested that I live here with you for the first 2 years and then move with Dad. I would rather live with Dad the first 2 years and then if we have issues and problems I can always come back and live with you.

Good Luck and I hope everyone can get through this without becoming mortal enemies.

Answer 3

OK, first off your mom should NOT be giving you a guilt trip. Whatever you decide try not to let that have any bearing on it. If your mom has custody and you really want to live with your dad then he's going to have to petition the courts for custody..unless you can get your mom to agree. You're old enough that the judge will listen to your opinion and let you have a say. He may not rule the way that you want, he doesn't have to go along with your wishes, but you should carry some weight. Try to come up with reasons why you want to live with your dad to tell the judge or your guardian ad litem (a GAL is like your own lawyer who speaks up for you in court. Normally a minor is not allowed in during custody hearings and the GAL represents the minor). Reasons other than "because" :) Things like you want to stay in the same school, you have friends in the area, your dad doesn't put guilt trips on you, stuff like that. Good luck

Answer 4

You need to do what you feel in right for you. If you think the neighborhood and the school at your dad's house is better, then go there. Your mom and her boyfriend shouldn't try to make you feel guilty. This is a hard enough decision without that added pressure. I moved in with my dad for basically the same reason you want to (when I was 13 - they divorced when I was 8). My mom told me that she was still going to move if I moved in with my dad (like I was trying to coerce her not to move, which I wasn't doing that at all) and tried to make me feel really guilty. Long story short I lived with my dad through high school, and I'm glad I did. I have no regrets about my decision. My mom and I had a tough few months, because she was upset I left, but eventually it all smoothed over when she saw I was happy and we have a good relationship.

Answer 5

How do you know you won't like the new school or town if you don't try? Many kids move and start new schools and alot, usually like the new place better. It is your choice but how is it fair to mom to give up so much and you not even willing to try? If it doesn't work out, go live with dad for a while and see which you like better. You know you get along with mom's boyfriend (if they are living together) but have no idea what it would be like living with a new step mom. My kids begged to come home after only 2 days of visiting their dad and his wife.

Answer 6

Socially, it is best if you can go to all years of high school at the same school. As you stated, you don't have to make new friends and then do it all over again in 2 yrs. Which school has the best education? Research these answers then you can state your decision without feelings towards parents entering into it. Mothers are the best at handing out guilt trips. Don't let the guilt trip influence you. She will hold that over you when you want to go away to college, or marry a guy and live in another state. Guilt trips are mothers' Ace-In-The-Hole. Don't fall for it. If you decide to go with Mom, fine, but not bec of guilt.

Answer 7

Well kiddo..I think that you should stay with your mom and your brother. They family was split enough in the divorce. I really don't think that you and your brother need to be split up. I think that u want to live with dad because u have a new step-brother that u have become friends with and you think it will be fun living with him. It may very well be "fun" but thus far you have stayed with mom and I really feel its best to continue to do so.However,I admit I don't understand why mom wants you to do the school switching..that doesn't make sense. Talk with mom and as long as she agrees not to change ur school in the middle of high school I would stay with mom.. However, after giving this more thought...If she plans on changing ur schools than go with dad. Even tho I think it better to stay with brother and mom...she did loose my vote after i thought about the school changing!! Hey..I'm a mom and I had a son who at ur age moved with dad so at first I admit I was thinking of how i felt about him moving in with dad.and he did in the end move back in with me at age 16 and his Jr and Sr. year, I drove him almost an hour to school everyday so he wouldn't have to change schools!!! Mom is being a bit selfish!!!!!!!!!!! So anyways you got to hear both of my opinions lol

Answer 8

I know it's not what you want to hear but you should stay with your mom, the grass looks greener on the other side cause you only go there once every other week but wait till you live there and you'll see the true picture.

Your step Mom isn't going to be very happy or comfortable living with you and your dad no matter how much he loves you won't be as loving and caring as your Mom.

If you move with your dad and things go wrong it'll be very hard to go back to your Mom after you hurt her feelings.

Answer 9

Don't feel bad, the cut in pay was her choice, not yours. You need to do what's right for you. After all, you're the one who is going to be living your life, not your mother.

Answer 10

Don't leave your mom she cares for you a lot and loves you ,I think if i was you I'll chose my mom rather than the high-school beside my dad.