Fragile Moments?

Question

Its me when am romantic
Me.. when am sad
Just feel like a horse
when it's running freely without any boundries
who can tell me what to do,
when am broken,
when am desperate,
when i just need a shoulder,
to put my cheek on
I just want to relax
want to take a deep breath
want to scream but nobody hears me
Those r my fragile moments

Answer 1

Your omission of "I", deliberate or not, does not work here; it should read, "It's me when I'm romantic" and "I just feel..." and "I am" about a half dozen times. And for goodness sake, don't say "r" when you mean "are".

You have a good theme, I hear what you want to say, but you are not saying it as good as you could...you can do better...try. Show me how fragile you are, show me why you are broken, or at least how it feels to be broken. You come close in the second half of your poem, but you still fall short.

Do it again..."read" your own poem out loud...or better yet, have someone else read it "word for word" so you can hear what is missing and what is wrong.

Again, I hear a poet's voice trying to get out...keep trying

Answer 2

to find is not to lose but to hope is not to wish think about it and reread your poem