3 days ago my fiancee left to go back to his ex. He loves me but says its 4 the kids?

Question

He left on wednesday. His ex called on monday and wants to get back together for the kids but he loves me and is unsure if he wants it or not. He loves his children but she has been cold to him since he left me. wouldnt it be better for us as a couple to be good role models for the children rather than go back into a marriage that already did no work.Alot of nasty things come out in their divorce. But he is going to counceling with her for at least 1 session tommorow. I have at this point lost my everything. He asked me to wait in case after this first session, it isnt what he wants

Answer 1

This woman just did you a favor.

If your man went to his ex after one phone call, honey--he wasn't really going to marry you.

She has him wrapped. And don't you DARE take him back.

Just move on down the road..........

Answer 2

I'm so sorry. I've been going through something similar myself. You must be devastated. Unfortunately, this is the risk you take any time you get involved with someone who is separated or divorced. Often the individual (male or female) somehow becomes "addicted" to the ex. They make excuses, using things like money, the kids, etc. Anything so they don't have to completely let go.

It can be a wide variety of reasons, he may be feeling insecure due to the previous relationship and projecting how he was treated before onto your behavior somehow. He could be in a panic over such a huge decision. He may be too afraid to invest in another relationship. Or, worst of all, he may have unresolved feelings for the ex. Any one in any combination of these could explain his behavior.

I would definitely put him on probation for the time being and cross him off the fiancee list. Right now I would take this time to seek some closure and to heal as much as you can. Prepare for the worst case situation. This is a toxic situation you'd be best off not being a part of and the previous relationship usually wins out in the end.

Good luck and I hope you're the exception to the rule. I thought I was for many years, but I was wrong.

Answer 3

Uh what? YOU don't have to wait for anyone or anything on this Earth. Come back to reality, right now. Take a look in a mirror - Are you someone who is similar to a trampoline? This is not a fiance, this is some kind of nut case. He really must feel confident that you have the "time and the inclination to wait for him." Oh no, heck no, you are a beautiful person. I am not talking about the outside appearance. I have never seen you and this is not my concern. The inner YOU is what is important here. Do not let any man steal your joy - Hebrews 11:1-2. I believe that you know what you want in your life. Go for it and right now. Remember this, What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? - Romans 8:31. The Lord daily loadeth us with benefits, even the God of our salvation. Selah. - Psalm 68:19. When you enter any structure, quietly say this: Peace Be To This House - Luke 10:5. The people within that space won't know why they seek peace, but you will know. Peace and God Bless.

Answer 4

I understad that this has been an emotional rollercoaster for you and all that kissing game hes doing its tearing your soul apart. If he broke it off and there is other girl here involved the best thing to do is to focus on your son and you. You should move out, dont worry about the house, focus on your career and your son. If a man is unsure in his feelings just imagine what will happen in maybe 10 yrs from now. You will probably end up single mom of 2 or 3 and it will be quite more challenging for you. Be independent, strong and someone that your son will look up to. Dont let an unstable man raise your child. A woman does not need a man to survive, call it quits only if you feel like it down deep....goodluck and God bless you and ur son........

Answer 5

If he is that easily manipulated by someone you are better off without him.
Does he really think putting the kids through a divorce, a parent getting engaged to someone else, then out of the blue their parents getting back together is really a "good" thing for them?
So he loves you, but he is willing to go back to his EX wife for the sake of the kids? That's healthy. Marrying one person when you are in love with someone else. Exactly how long does he think he could stay married in a situation like that?
I guarantee you it will not work out long term with his ex. But she will continue to be a huge thorn in your side if the two of you stay together.
And honestly, how could you marry a man who would even contemplate doing what he is doing, let alone "testing" it out. The nerve, to ask you to put your life on hold while he decides if he wants to marry another woman who he doesn't love.
RUN!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

What? This guy sounds like a complete mess! He left you to go back to the ex, but he wants you to wait "just in case" things don't work out? What the hell is that? No, you haven't lost everything. You lost a guy who apparently wasn't yours in the first place if he dumped you to go running back to the ex just because she called and asked him to. You may be hurting from the shock of the rejection, but overall you are probably better off without him. Give yourself time to heal, and then find a guy with less baggage.

Answer 7

the same thing happened in my life years ago,except I am the man!! the kids are very powerful force in his life,you will never be that powerful,this happened to me 30 years ago and i still regret leaving to this day. Also my other marriage did not last 5 years you may need to get just as far away as you can,it will never work no matter how hard you try,in the end you will be the one who comes out on the bottom,hope you all the luck in the world,you will be ok in time

Answer 8

Please don't take this the wrong way, but if your fiancee went back to his ex-wife after just one phone call then you are in trouble already.
But it sounds to me like there may have been lots of phone calls that maybe you are unaware of, due to the fact he's been hiding them from you. Or its even possible that he's been the one trying to get back together with her, and he's telling you its her idea, because he's too cowardly to face the consequences of HIS decision.
But either way, if they were divorced, and he chooses to go back to her, for whatever reason, you are better off letting him go completely. Because I can see him wanting to have the both of you on tap, at his convenience.
If he loved you, he wouldn't even contemplate it for one moment. There are other things, other arrangements that they could have made for the kids.

Answer 9

Be patient, wait until after his first session. Do not try to influence him one way or the other, he must be allowed to work this out for himself. He could arrange through the courts, to gain access so he gets to see them once or twice a week, he can do this through a Solicitor who will take it through the courts.
If he does go back to her, then come on here again so we can all help you by giving you support and friendship

Answer 10

forget about what he wants...what do YOU want? dont get back together with him because you 'want to set a good example.' if you want to set a good example then be a good role model for your children in other areas. this is between you and him. not you and your man and the children. don't ever get back with a man for the sake of the children. children can handle a lot more than you are giving them credit for.

Answer 11

He's torn between his attraction to you and the life he started and had going before he got involved with you. If he's going to counseling (regardless of what he SAYS about it), he's interested in working things out with the wife.
Leave them alone, go heal yourself, and next time make sure your love interest is really free to give himself to you. Determine that you won't date guys who are playing around - which is what they're doing when they start dating and they aren't truly free from entanglements.