I need some advice asap?

Question

I am engaged but I am not as happy as I thought I'd be. Part is my family is not giving there blessing and another is the way my soon to be husband doesn't understand my sensitivity the way I need him to. They say opposite attract well he has a bold aggressive type of personality and I am soft and sensitive more passive. We get along well and we love each other but we have been dealing with money problems and that weighs on my head like no other. Everything is in my name cars phones and ect. we have debt and reciving help with it soon Am I staying with him because of the debt? Why am I so sensitive about money and he gets upset when I talk about it? Also he has a daughter he is getting cousty of she was in a abusive situation with her mother. Then as we got engaged his aunt dropped off her kids a left we took in the 7 year old girl. I feel overwhelmed but not about the girls its about my man. I feel like we are not one, we need that! I feel lost and sad I don't want to lose him

but I wonder if things will get better or if they will just get worse. I try so hard to listen to my heart and really think beside love. I see things so cloudy and I feel that as I try harder and harder I am not getting any where. It comes to the point I have know one to talk to because my family doesn't give me there blessing if I go to them all they do if feed the negitive. I need to have someone explain to me in a calm way. I need to now what to do if this is normal I feel that we have already been married for years and that we are just having a conflict but at the same time I really wonder if this is a sign saying get out. Are we dealing with things that will come up again. I know things will always be there I just am unsure and I hate my unsure feeling..... I don't want to make the wrong chocie... Help please advice words thanks so much...

HOW WOULD YOU END THIS RELATIONSHIP IF YOU WERE IN MY SHOES??

Answer 1

Whoa whoa whoa, there isn't a screaming need to end the relationship right now. You do need to sit down with him and make out a budget and plan. Of course you'll have his daughter but what is going on with his aunt and her child. Is that a temporary or permanent situation? If you plan on it being permanent then you need to make sure that you two secure custody of her and might be able to secure some financial support either from garnishing her mother's wages or from the state. School hasn't started yet but if you don't either have something on file saying you are the child's guardians or the aunt isn't going to be available to sign her papers you will have some issues there eventually. Just relax and find some time for yourselves that you can hopefully remain calm during. Once you have a plan in place you can see what budget things can be eliminated and what things are going to increase if you are really going to be a family of four at the moment. Start figuring out what bills he can take over--ie place in his name--once the debt is resolved. The stuff with your family will require some patience but hopefully they will come around.

Answer 2

I completely understand what you are going through. I have been married 1 year and a few months and separated for 3 weeks. The best thing I can tell you is that you have to decide if 1) this is what you really want 2) You are willing to continue this relationship with no change from him at all, and 3) That you make those decisions for you and not for what others think you should do. I thought things would get better after marriage (not that things were terrible before) and for a while maybe it did but then one day it was like WOW! a totally different life than what I had wanted for myself. Now although I still love him very much I just couldn't take it anymore I was tired of crying everyday and tired of trying to make it work when he wasn't willing to come to a common compromise. It is hard to know if a person will change weather if he is capable is a totally different subject.

Answer 3

You are engaged - this should be a very happy time for you. But it's not! Do not marry this man until you get things sorted out. The danger signs - you are not happy, he is aggressive, your family doesn't like the situation, money problems, you have a large debt and he hasn't, you can't talk your problems over with him, you are taking on the responsibility of his daughter, you have already taken on the responsibility of his niece, you are lost and sad. This is a VERY BAD situation. You need to move out and let him take over all the responsibilities you have taken on. See what happens then. If he then takes steps to resolve the situation, you have a chance. If he doesn't, end the relationship. You will hurt for a while but that is better than the rest of your life! Good luck.

Answer 4

I know that money can always be a problem in any marriage. but first, go to a quiet place, such as a place to eat. and talk to him about things. and tell him the situation that is bothering you, if he does love you and care, he will try all he can, to help in the situation.

I know that you are just, engaged
but if you do not talk to him about it, I can see from there, that it will not ever be a very close marriage.

when you are married, you both should share everything, good or bad. do not ever keep or hind anything from the one you are married too. if you do love him. does he not deserve that chance to know what is bothering you?

but also from, what you wrote: HOW WOULD YOU END THIS RELATIONSHIP IF YOU WERE IN MY SHOES??
shows me that you have already made up your mind. the second you wrote the word: END

So do as you wish, but please have enough feelings, for the one you are engaged to, tell him why you have came to such a decision.

also it seems to me as if, you are putting the feelings of the relatives above the feelings of the one you love. so ask your self, what is more important to you? do not do something just to please others that do not care either way. do what is best for you and your loved one. if it has to be, move away and never see the relatives ever again, if that is what it takes, so be it. but do not let others, run your life. or should I say, engagment or marriage. in this case.

But please think about how this will hurt the one you love?

Is it really, his falt? then why should he have to pay? there are others feeling you must think about also..

I do hope everthing will work out. I wish both of you all the Luck.

please take care.

Answer 5

I wonder what it is you love about him? I was in a similar situation and I did get married. Well that only complicates things, it does not improve them. There is no rush to get married and if you are having doubts now, you won't be any happier once you get married. In fact you will then feel trapped. The money problems and everything else complicating this relationship will just grow once you get married. A marriage is about two people on the same path in life who have similar goals and values. It sounds like you two have alot to work out before you even think of marriage. Counselling is a good option and if he is not willing to do that for you and the relationship, he may not be as committed as he needs to be to be married to you. You deserve more than someone you are always afraid you will lose. If you are ready
to marry someone, you KNOW they want to be with you and won't leave you. I wish you the best!

Answer 6

This union is headed for the rocks and quickly!!! Being married is a hard thing to which to get accustomed under very normal circumstances. When you add complicating factors like having someone else's kids thrust upon you and facing financial woes already, you are asking for a number of years of grief. Back off and put the marriage on hold until things return to a state of normalcy. You are taking on way more than any man has a right to ask of you. From your commentary, it would seem you have very low self esteem and your husband is domineering. It also worries me that all the debt is in your name and not his. That can be disastrous for you. Bottom line, I personally would run like hell in the other direction and find someone without so much baggage.

Answer 7

First of all, if I were in your shoes, I would feel like my partner is thinking of me as a babysitter for his daughter and niece. Basically, it seems as if he is looking for financial help and a babysitter.

What I would do is I would say this to my partner:
Look, I need some time for myself. Give me two weeks to think about this situation. I would get away from him for two weeks. Maybe stay at a relatives house. Then I would consider if my life is better without him. I would tell him after the two weeks that I need some more time. If he really loves you, he will get his life together and not make things to tough on you. If he doesn't care, he will insist you come back to the same situation that is making you miserable.

Afte a month or so, I would know that life is better without him. I would find a way to begin my life without him.

Answer 8

First quit trying to make everyone happy,ie: your family. The only ones you need to worry about is yourself and then your fiance and then the rest. What youre feeling is perfectly normal and you are just experiencing premarital jitters and are questioning yourself if youre doing the right thing. There has always been and willalways be challenges facing every marriage with finances being perhaps the biggest. True with the kids you maybe facing more challenges than most but God never gives us more than we can handle. Its takes a very special person to enter a ready-made family and thats probably why God chose this guy for you and vice versa. Things wont always be this complicated so calm down and enjoy the ride and remember things will get better and your current feelings are normal and problems are only temporary at best. Youll be just fine and also dont worry about everyone elses approval and happiness as its your life

Answer 9

If you don't like your relationship with your soon to be then you might want to think twice before entering into something that is forever with this person.It only gets harder and you have to give and take more than the other person sometimes maybe some of you family are not giving you there blessing because they see thing whole and as they are and you what to see the best in this person and the relationship.

Answer 10

Family is wonderful to have if you are in trouble ..but u can't put ur business out there and expect them not to react.. first of all if he ain't hitting u then family shouldn't be knowing all of your business.. first mistake.. second mistake u know if you love this man enough and what you are getting yourself into , it is up to u if u want to continue, it sounds like the storm is becoming heavy , but if u want sunshine then talk t him not your family, if he doesn't want to talk then leave for awhile. I bet he will talk then, everything is in your name if this is what u want , then deal with it, but he will have to grow up soon, and u will have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and say I am overwhelmed do I want this now or should we wait on marriage and see if it gets better or worse, right now it seems u do what others want u to do..WHAT ABOUT WHAT U WANT.. Love yourself first, and if u are strong enough to deal with all this trouble and u feel it is worth it then go for it..
BUT don't be his way out of trouble as you get deeper in, if he ain't feeling your sensitivity now, I assure u ..you need some time alone and lets see what he can do on his own.u want a man not a boy (and that is what u have ) if its sex that u want .. sweety there are other men and toys out there until ur happiness is fulfilled.