I have been in this relationship for about 2 yrs and some months now we have a two year old daughter together and i'm ready to get married we are engaged already but i'm wantig to be the wife now and he said he's not ready yet first of all he said he never wanted to get married but he said there's something about me and everytime i mention the M word we argue and I only have given myself until May of 2008 and If i'm not married by then i will leave him cause maybe he not the one for me what should i do
2007-07-29 08:23:21 · 14 answers · asked by Miss Michigan 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband acted the same way and it worried me. I persisted and persisted and we got married and now he isn't sure that he wants to be married to me. Just give him time and he will come around. Don't rush into it because he will only resent you if he feels pressured into it. Good luck girl.
2007-07-30 09:57:16 · answer #1 · answered by princess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a guy is freaked out by marriage there are usually reasons why. It probably isn't you he's scared to marry, it might just be the actual act of getting married. It wouldn't be fun for you to go through all of the emotions that come along with getting married if he is hesitant and resistant. I don't think I would push him into getting married, but I do think I would talk to him about it. Try to find out what he feels when you mention getting married. If you push him into getting married there is a good chance he could not show up at the alter, or worse wait a few years then divorce you because he "wasn't ready"
If you're sick of waiting then you're sick of it, and he should realize that. If you let him know that you're unhappy with being engaged & think it's time to make it official there isn't anything wrong with that. You have every right to leave if you're unhappy with the way things are going. I would just make sure to be very blunt about what your plan is so he fully understands what will happen with the two of you if you two aren't on the same page when it comes to marriage.
2007-07-29 08:42:44 · answer #2 · answered by Kimi Cabanna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you are really being hard on the guy. You expect him to know if he wants to marry you after only a 3+year trial? Why not give him 50-75 years before you get pushy about commitment? You have two choices. 1- Just shut up and keep playing house. 2. TELL Prince Single Boy that either he sets a date by Aug 1, or you are out of there. BUT, you won't. You'll keep letting him have all the benefits of marriage, with no responsibilities. And years from now, you'll whine that you can't understand why you were taken for granted and ignored or abandoned. But, the reason will be that you were treated just as you showed you should be treated.
2007-07-29 09:13:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some of the most fabulous, interesting couples I have ever met were never married. We're a society that is so hung up on coupling for commitment but we have no skills or the required loyalty to outlast the generations before us in married bliss. It's a different world today for sure - don't be seduced into doing what everyone else is doing, marry only to divorce a few years later. These long-term unmarried couples say their longevity is somewhat due to the lack of pressure regarding a "marriage" and rather continue enjoying and respecting each other for their single choice of being together.
I'd rather argue about the M word than complain about the D word (divorced).
2007-07-29 08:31:45 · answer #4 · answered by slave2art 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've been with this guy for 2 years, you have a child so when are you going to wake up and smell the coffee? He isn't going to marry you. WHY should he? You've already given him everything without the committment, he doesn't HAVE to get married, there's no reason to. You WANT to be a wife...well you should have thought about that BEFORE you moved in and started playing house with him. That old adage "Why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free?" holds true here...You've already given it all away there's no reason he should have to marry you for it now.
2007-07-29 10:18:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you made some mistakes here, and these are the consequences. If you have given an ultimatum (which wasn't smart, really), you must stick to it. Remember to give yourself time to plan the wedding before that date you set!
Honestly, if he doesn't want marriage, there's nothing you can do. You have to decide to stay without marriage and having your child grow up in the shacked up relationship, or move on and just take care of your girl.
2007-07-29 10:58:28 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you've already done it.
You've advised him of the time frame that you're allotting in order to get on with the life you are wanting for yourself. You have to stick to your guns. He might just blow you off figuring that you both have a child together and that you wouldn't leave him because of your sense of emotions involved in your relationship with him. NEVER threaten anything unless you are TRULY intent on backing it up. Not only does it show immaturity and desperation.. it causes the other person to lose much respect for you.
2007-07-29 11:51:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could already told you how he feels to a point. Marriage is a huge step in a person's life the pressure of committing and then fully giving oneself to another could just be too much for him to bare. You're right giving him too much time will just make him comfortable in his situation. So realize that when he gives you an answer part of it is true just ask yourself are you content with what you have together?
2007-07-29 08:35:30 · answer #8 · answered by Pman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't do it!!!
it all changes I swear.
I didn't want the marriage and I gave in and now the divorce is lasting a long time, over 7months. Just don't f#@king do it.
He's not respecting your feelings. You and baby first.
Follow your heart. Or you can be like Golde Hawn and Kurt Russel and be happily never married, key word HAPPY.
2007-07-29 10:00:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Soudns like you have a plan.
Give him a date, and stick to it. How can he be engaged, if he has no intention of getting married?
Main Entry: en·gage
Inflected Form(s): en·gaged; en·gag·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French engager, from en- + gage pledge, gage
3 : to bind (as oneself) to do something; especially : to bind by a pledge to marry
Did he ask you to marry him? Is this how you consider yourself to be engaged? If so, then how can he NOT want to get married but ask you to marry him?
If you are content with not marrying the guy, stick around, if you haev to be married, then I would probably start packing....
2007-07-29 08:29:57 · answer #10 · answered by Michael H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋