What a mess this is. Someone please help!?

Question

Ok, here's the deal. I have been with/living with my boyfriend for four years. He has cheated 8-9 times that I am aware of. The last time he was caught, in April, I left for a bit and he begged me to come home and said it would never happen again.
His two oldest kids live with us and since April everything has been good until this past Friday. Last week he took his kids to their mom's to spend a month. Friday he tells me that his friend will be in his hometown so he wants to go see him. I simply asked that he call me when he got there. He said ok.
So by next morning no phone call so I get into his e-mail and find a note telling some girl he will meet her and get a room in a hotel about 2 hours from here, if they hookup. The e-mail also kind of sounded like a blow-off because he told her he lost her number. So anyway I went down by where he works and he was there, said he went out by himself and then went to his job and was on his way home-2:00 in the afternoon. What do I believe?

We went out together last night and came home as per usual. This morning I checked his e-mail and there was a hotel confirmation in there for a room about an hour away. That reservation was made yesterday for last night, yet he came home. What is up with him?

Hard to "dump" someone you truly love. I have tried, believe me!

Answer 1

I believe that you are being blind. In the e-mail his intentions are totally trying to arrange a get together; The fact that he asked for the number again confirms this. You need to see that he will always be cheating on you because you will always forgive him and let him come back. The attempt to get together was not just a single incident. He would have had to constantly be putting effort to get to that point. That means that cheating on you is something that he constantly thinks of. Be smart and drop this jerk before he breaks your heart on maybe gives you an STD.

Answer 2

Love him or not, you need to love yourself. The man obviously doesn't respect you, or anyone else, for that matter. Even if he's innocent this time (which we both know is not the case) what about the at least 8 or 9 times before? And he's dragging his kids through this too.

And what about the other risks? I understand you're upset about the emotional aspects, but what about your health? I hope you two are using a condom every single time, because there's no guarantee that he's using one with the other women.

Stand up for yourself. Get out of the relationship, and take some time off altogether to focus on YOU. Maybe even look into therapy. Otherwise, even if you do leave him, dating this kind of man could become a pattern.

Answer 3

If hes done it 8 or 9 times hes not gonna change trust me I dealt with a man who cheated for 7 yrs and I was a fool never again have respect for your self and build some self worth I know its so hard especially when u love the man I went through depression for a while because I also had 2 kids involved but I moved on he know has a woman who puts up with him he cheats uses her she takes care of me and its sad now I got married found someone who loved and respects me no cheating is involved and Im happy u will later on find someone who respects u good luck and think about it hes not worth it your better than that Honey :)

Answer 4

If you got cheeted on 8-9 times, its time to leave, its clearly not love, and wont last long, You would be better off finding someone that Loves you too much to even think about other people.

As for the note and things, you shouldent be snooping around behind his back, thats known for ending relationships, and is never good, However, sounds to me like he wanted to hook up with her, but had a guilt trip, or feared being caught so he blew her off. But i think you should just break it off, i mean i know you dont want to hear it but, cheating 2 times is a lot.

Answer 5

Exactly what help are you seeking? We can't somehow change reality, and miraculously transform your cheating boyfriend into an honest person. Or are you hoping for somebody who can hypnotize you, so you'll not notice you live with a scummy cheating dog? Or is it merely that you want somebody to lie to you, and say he ISN'T cheating? We can do that. He didn't cheat. The motel confirmation was just a computer glitch- and he never made a reservation- would NEVER cheat, and those emails were planted in his mailbox by Space aliens. Feel better now? Enjoy a wonderful future with your prince. You are indeed a lucky woman, to have a man you can be CERTAIN will never cheat.

Answer 6

Dump him! 8 or 9 times! And you're still with him! Go anywhere else, figure out who you are on your own, gain some self confidence, then think about the kind of guy you would like to be with. Have some "must haves" (like a non cheater) in mind when you meet someone new, and don't swerve from them.

Leaving him is something you must do, or you will never feel good about yourself again.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

Are you NUTS??? What part of this guy do you "truly love"? The part that has already cheated on you 8-9 times or the part that is continuing to cheat on you? Can you honestly say that this guy is showing you he loves you when he's emailing other women and arranging to have sex with them in a hotel? When he's kissing them and caressing their bodies and calling them on the phone, do you think that he's loving you? You need some therapy to help you get some level of self-worth so you don't keep on attracting men who will abuse you.

Answer 8

Hello, well men are very diffucult issue. Myself, I was in some kind of similar situation. The resume is that when u find once man lieing, he would do it again. Men ve learned some rules of their behavior and it s very hard for them ti change it. I believed this my ex as well. 2 years. I believed in every one of his crazy stories, I accepted that he was attacking me because why am I asking him such things, if Im cheating on him that Im asking him such things. I ve met with these girls many times. And everytime I wanted to believe that it would be other. But, old dogs are not changing. What he learned in his young times he would not change. Not even for a big love,if they re able to love. Then I left him when I found he is pregnant with another one in the same time when I was. I found that he was living the same time wiht me and other girl... and other... After this all, his mother was calling me, he was 30, if Im Christian Catholic, that I should forgive and forget... But it s not possible and I will never allow anybody to attack me physically, mentally and trying to make me to depend on him, that nobody else is around and to make me feel that even that he s bad to me it s better then nothing. I dont know what about you but I d realy like to know why he needs to talk to some girls through his email, how come this girl knows about some hotel - it doesnt seem like they havent been there before. To believe is nice, but some men are using it as much as it's possible. Me, I ve no another boyfriend and he s very good, I can believe him and he believes in me. SO do not be scared of loosing sth. After half year I just laugh when my ex writes me message or that how much he loves me or that how much he s happy with another one. He will never change and, Im sorry, but I dont think that man with 2 kids, divorced, still cheating would change neither. Good luck and lot of power for what has to be done.

PS: Sorry for my English, Im not from States

Answer 9

You should have left at least after the 2nd time ( maybe the first but some people believe in second chances) and not went back. He CAN NOT be trusted and if you stay with him your just setting yourself up for more heart aches. He will never stop! 8-9 times???? I would have been LONG gone by now! You deserve better!

Answer 10

He cheated on you around 9 times, you took him back and probably think that the problem is whether or not he’s going to cheat on you again? This is not the problem, he cheated on you once and you let him so he cheated on you again and he will do it again. The problem is not that he’s cheating but why do you stay with someone who is cheating. If you leave him which you need to for your own sanity because checking his emails etc is not healthy and doesn’t reflect well on you. When you leave him you need to work on your self esteem and self worth before you attract someone else because if you don’t you might attract the same kind of guy once again.

Good luck