Why do gay people feel like they are being singled out? discriminated just because they are gay?

Question

Before you flame me, read what I have to say. I am not anti-gay at all. I have many gay frineds, and have had for years. But here is what I have to say - I think gay people think that the discrimination, rejection they are experiencing is because they are gay - and it isn't that at all. The discrimination, alienation, rejection is just the same as heterosexual people who are widows, who are single, who have a special needs child, who have a large number of children. It also depends on location. It's like society says you need to be married, look a certain way and have the right number of perfectly healthy good loooking kids, or you don't fit. I live in Wisconsin - a very closed society. If a gay person were to come here and live they would feel as rejected as I feel, but they would think it was because they are gay. I am a widower, I lost my wife last year. We knew hundreds of people and then my wife died, and then everyone completely avoided me, complete isolation

I'm the only 40ish year old male widower in town. no matter what I do, I don't fit in - and nobody includes me no matter what I do. A lot of towns if you didn't grow up there, then you don't fit even if you fit all the other criteria. A lot depends on location. Large cities, are easier than small towns.. If you go to a small town and you are gay you are going to stick out bad depending on where you are located. If you are gay and you move to the heart of redneck country where they are not understanding - then you will have a hard time. It's going where you have a chance to fit in.

I'm saying all this because I care about gay people, the gay people in my life are important to me, and I care about the gay community even though I am a heterosexual. I am trying to say that it isn't always a thing where you are being singled out.
It may just be that you are different and in some places that's enough.

it's ok to be who you are.
big hugs

I don't see how it is any different - unfortunately I only get to type 1000 characters. I could be right too.
so if the question is long I don't get to finish my sentence

what I am saying is that people are afraid of people who are different - gay or straight and that it isn't just because you are gay. If you were married with a child with cerebral palsy or something you would face the same rejection. I have friends with an autistic child, they complain of the same discrimination gay people do. I think in many ways gay people have it worse, but I'm saying it isn't all because people are gay. I'm trying to help you - if you could see that.

Why, because if you could quit attaching it to being gay and realize that people are narrow minded, then maybe it isn't being gay at all that is the problem. It's them.

it's like this - do you know the difference betweeen a comedian and a lunatic? there is none - same joke - two different people, one laughs the other person thinks you are insane. I'm trying to say it is ok for you to be you, and don't worry about these people, and you don't have to always say it has to be b ecause you are gay.it might not.

yes, you get it - where I live - it is the same - but maybe not in New York - I get it - I understand. it does depend a great deal on location. see what I mean?

if anything I hope you know my intentions are good. I don't know what it is like to be a gay person in NYC. But I don't have to know to at least attempt to have compasssion, which is what I am attempting to do. I don't claim to understand everything.

#3 you haven't lost a spouse or partner then, its a universal problem. Everyone avoids you because they dont' know what to say- supposedly. It doesn't matter what country you live in or whatever. It isn't just me. Go to any grief board, they';ll say the same thing.

I think Christians who openly attack gays aren't really practicing their Christianity - I know the Bible says Homosexuality is a sin, but so are many other things. Christians are supposed to love people, not take the Bible and beat people upside the head with it. They don't even know enough gay people to know who they are, and why they are the way they are. It's become political. Dr. Dobson has no idea what a gay person has gone through, and honestly I don't either. But I'm learning more as time goes on.

I'll say this though - I got more support from gay people when my wife died than I did from all these church people. pretty funny.

I don't think I should go and tell everyone how to live their life, I have enough trouble living mine.
Which is wy I think this anti-gay hatred is so stupid.
like who are they to tell you what to do and all.
it's stupid.

Answer 1

I see what you are saying but really it isn't all that way. I know that people are probably avoiding you because you did loose your wife *i am sorry that you did* but they probably don't come around because they don't want to remind you that you lost your wife, or they just don't know what to say.
You would never have someone come to your door and tell you that your a sin. You probably would never have to deal with having F@ggot spray painted on your walls. You would never have to worry about walking down the street with your partner and have rocks thrown at you.
Yeah, you may not be the norm any more but you aren't being discriminated against you not having a wife anymore.

I think it is way neat that you are OK with us being gay, i give you kudos for having such an open mind. Again i am so sorry for the loss of your wife. I wish you happiness and i hope your able to love again. God Bless you.

Answer 2

As a young man all of my friends would call everyone they didn't like a fa*got. These days people interchange the word lame for the word gay.

Not only can you not have a union of any kind with your partner, at the same time you can be charged with domestic violence.

Gays and lesbians in my experience are very discriminating towards each other. So I guess there is no where to go but here in my home with my "partner" who will probably never be my legal mate. We will still go shopping even though everyone stares at us, and we check out all the hot guys. Life goes on. Sorry about your wife and even more sorry about your isolation. May God bless you and keep his angels around you to comfort you in your time of mourning.

Oh I do believe in God and I know he made me exactly as I am. I love him for it, although it has been tough at times. I know I have something to learn in this life he has given me and being gay is humbling to say the least. I thank God for giving me the courage to not be a liar and face my life as I am.

Answer 3

I think you would never know why.

One racially minority guy in the UK felt he is discriminated against and I said it's not racism and he is just over reacting. But I was thinking after that. If a Black guy was just looked by other in an area where he would be minority and if a White guy was just looked by others, One of them might feel it's racism and the other one might not. And the White one might just say like it's over reacting but how could he knows the other ones feeling? It's not racism and might be just over reacting but he isn't in the situation so how could he know how others feel when same thing was done? Why don't people try to be more considerable?

Sorry my poor English.

Answer 4

I understand the point you are making. Most gays are not overly worried that people do not socialize with them.

Gays are worried they will be descriminated against at their job. Currently many states do not protect gays from descrimination based on their sexual orientation.

Gays are worried about getting beaten while walking around town with their bf or gf.

Gays are worried about the 1000+ rights that are automatically given to a heterosexual couple when they are married.

I wish you good luck on your journey
♂♂

Answer 5

I see the point you are trying to make. there are, unfortunately, still a lot of people in this society who are close-minded bigots. they fear anyone/anything that is different. they believe in all lies, assumptions and stereotypes. but we ARE discriminated against BECAUSE we are gay. just as people who are not white are discriminated against because of their race. and non-Christians are discriminated against because they aren't Christian. yes, I have come across people who think there is something "wrong" with people are aren't married...and think if someone is widowed needs to be paired up with someone because they can't possibly be happy or whole alone.
but, have you ever had someone wave a Bible in your face and tell you you're an abomination and that you're a sinner and going to hell...just because of who you are? called you a pervert? every kind of discrimination is different in it's own way.

Answer 6

Being gay and having your wife die are not linked at all. People probably felt sad for you and didnt want to upset you.
Gays are discriminated against all the time and it can be very vicious and upsetting people say things like "F*ck off you stupid queere" but who would act in an offensive way towards your wifes death? its just ilogical and a strange connection to have made. Gays are probably sympathetic towards you as they have been bruised by society too.

As you aren't gay, I'd hazard a guess that you would have little idea of what gay men face in todays society, but its reassuring that at least you respect them and treat them as your equal.

Llew

Answer 7

I think every gay person in America should be lined up and shot in the head one by one. Fags are poisoning America. I mean, if you were bit by a snake wouldn't you wanna get the poison out?

Answer 8

Woah woah woah, you're saying that heterosexual widows are discriminated just the same as gays??? Maybe where you live but not in New York

Answer 9

I don't believe people will avoid you because your wife died. It could be you're avoiding them because you don't want to be reminded of your wife's death.

It's different for gay people. They will get rejected because to them, "gay" is not normal. And in America esp. your place, reject people who are not normal, people who do not conform to their way of life. It's a great thing I don't live in America.

Answer 10

fear.
i have a hetero friend like you who has gay friends and doesn't understand it either. you are a nice person and thank you for being open-minded. god bless you