Today we'll read from the Book of Buk, verse 4:20 -- "And so as my enemies gather to singe my pants and steal away my sausage, I shall not fear their wrath. Lo, as the Violators and Trolls ascend like locusts upon my cardboard shanty -- the one with the sock as a flag -- I shall not weep. For I know ahead there will be the Day of Grudgement, when the Gates of YAllhalla shall come clanging down, and my followers will avenge their punishments with sizzling kielbasa and soiled Wranglers, and mete out justice to all who have trespassed and conspired against me.
4:21 The YAmster and his flock shall be driven out of Van Nuys, maybe by bus. But unless he harbor the Seed of Good Will and Cheap Laughs, his soul will become empty and weak, like the sausage casing that lacks fortitude.
Amen.
*ahem* Will someone please awaken the good Sister Mary Holywater? I need her to play organ for "My Water Bottle is a Holy Water Bottle", which is in today's hymnbook on page twelve...thank you....
2007-07-29 04:23:30 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Which one of you keeps putting Mentos in the collection plate?
2007-07-29 04:41:20 · update #1
No apologies necessary, Sister Mary Holywater. To quote from the Book of Shizz, verse 34:24:36 -- "A fair day's labor brings nurturance to the spirit, so that my brethren may enable trousers to stand without legs, thuringers to roll without tongs, and basic cable to surf minus remote."
Hallelujah, all! HALLELUJAH!
2007-07-29 12:28:13 · update #2
Whoa!! That was the BEST sermon, ever! My favorite part was when you unleashed the viper on congregation members who didn’t throw money into Buk’s knit cap! (Guess a few found out the hard way that your snake isn’t fooled by Mentos, huh?) The fires you blasted in the back pews kept those sinners attentive, too. :-)
Also, I think you should perform the Pickle Rite of Absolution EVERY Sunday: I felt so close to Lord Buk right then, I really did!!
And Sister Mary Holywater’s organ playing was wonderful UNaccompanied…so, um, next time, maybe we can lose the 102 Kazoo Tabernacle Choir?
2007-07-29 17:07:57 · answer #1 · answered by cbn 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
*gleefully sucking Mentos*
Brother Dalek, that was a truly inspiring sermon, I felt Saint Buk's spirit burn hot and bright within me, like the grill where he cooked his holy sausages.
Sister Mary Holywater's organ playing had that real honky-tonk flavour, ya know?
2007-07-30 00:22:43 · answer #2 · answered by Girl Machine 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ezekiel 25:17 – The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will Sheppard’s the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his Brothers keeper and the finder of lost children, and I will strike down upon the with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my Brothers, AND YOU KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD WHEN I LAY MY VENGENCE DOWN UPON THEE
2007-07-29 12:43:51 · answer #3 · answered by Damn It Jimmy 1 · 7⤊ 0⤋
now that was some good time at church, rev. dalek. you said it true, and the feeling is strong. i can get into some boogie woogie gospel flat pickin with sister holywater and my brother justin b., (i got a fever right now, come up on me...but damn it, bring the bango, justin, please!) beautiful sermon. all praise due. buk up for the long haul.
2007-07-29 12:11:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Dear Brother Alec: Please forgive me, I was away from my computer and busy cleaning the convent and readying the rectory for next weeks business (someone has to do this crap). It will not happen again. I will repent and say the rosary three times.
Again, my sincere, apologies and a beautiful sermon it was at that!
Enjoy your day!
2007-07-29 16:58:20 · answer #5 · answered by Sr. Mary Holywater 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If you can't find Sister holy water I'm good for a little Palestrina on the banjo...I found the mentos under my pew...
2007-07-29 11:49:15 · answer #6 · answered by Ol man Moses Bohannon 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
...the congregation makes the sign of the sausage in unison as they recite "Buk we are not worthy to bathe with you, but only say the word, and we will steal someones pants."
Mmmm mentos...
2007-07-29 11:54:10 · answer #7 · answered by Leepal 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
can i get an amen, brothers and sisters? sorry about the mentos, it was early and i could have swore i put in tic-tacs i though we were supposed to drink the wine next wheres mine?!
2007-07-29 12:23:48 · answer #8 · answered by Ronni 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
now that was CHURCH!!! that was the most beautiful sermon i have ever heard... and sorry about the wine i was out and it started to talk to me in tongues and i thought if i drank some i would understand what it was saying....
i think it's saying... pass those mentos i'm starved....
2007-07-29 13:16:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
+++Wonderful Message !! *sniff-sniff-tear*+++
Now lets all enjoy the Sunday Social Picnic !!
Homemade Ice Cream, Fried Chicken, and casseroles galore !!
Buk would have wanted it that way !! LOL !! (- ;
2007-07-29 13:28:35 · answer #10 · answered by iambettyboop 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋