To give a more detailed outlook of this rather disturbing situation it was my then 5 year old daughter who told me mommy had a friend. I read through my then wife's journal and saw she was cheating with an ex bf. We were married almost 4 years and together almost 7. My youngest daughter was 2 at the time. Now 2+ years later she still lives with the "man." He is no man in my book for doing this. My daughters went from living with me one day to living with him the next. There was no transition. My girls tell him they love him, but they don't understand what happened. I feel that my ex has corrupted their minds. I do not approve of cheating in any fashion. How do I tell them about this? When should I? They are now 7 and 5. I don't want them to feel as if this is appropriate behavior.
2007-07-29 03:52:15 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
They are too young to understand right now.
When they get to be 12 or 13 they will be able to comprehend what happened.
Don't let any of these women on here tell you not to tell them or to leave it up to your cheating ex wife either.
You tell them what a whore their mother is and how she screwed you and them over with an affair with a low life home wrecking piece of crap.
Make sure they both know the TRUTH about their mother.
2007-07-29 04:28:17 · answer #1 · answered by Mr R 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't. What their mother did was to YOU...not them. Every child has the right to grow up having a good relationship with both of their parents and not having that relationship undermined by anger. That's exactly what you would be doing. IF your children are told, ever, it should be when they are adults. As they grow older they will form their own opinions about both of their parents (BTW, kids eventually will gravitate to the parent that is being talked bad about) and they have the right to do that without any interference from anyone else. I'm not saying that what your ex did wasn't horrible but your kids have the right to love their mother and make up their own minds about what she did. Trust me, they will thank you later for being silent. My husband just found out at the age of 33 that his mother cheated on and left his father for his step-father. His dad, took the high road and did not use his knowledge as a weapon. My husband is extremely appreciative of this. He never felt like he had to choose between his parents...he was able love them equally
2007-07-29 07:59:08 · answer #2 · answered by aly_des 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not until they are old enough and mature enough to ask and understand the situation. I'm thinking around 25. You have a few years to plan what you might say. Love your daughters. Be the best father you can be. Don't be the person that poisons them about their mother. You can raise them with your values and they will be fine. If you talk about their mother you will confuse them and you'll end up being the bad guy. Let your life and actions be the best example for them. Good luck :)
2007-07-29 04:48:06 · answer #3 · answered by oracleofohio 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a little young for them. Right now, they need to know that you are their dad and that sometimes moms and dads stop loving each other. If the girls live with their mom, they will defend her regardless, so to tell them what went on will just make them mad at you. Just be the best dad you can be to them. When they are older and start asking questions you can let them know what happened. And no, cheating is never an appropriate behavior.
2007-07-29 04:01:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you were to ask me, 20 something years ago, I'd of told you something WAY different. But, I'm older, and hopefully wiser. My kids' father cheated on me, with another guy! I was devastated and my ego shattered. I went about it the wrong way by letting my kids know dad like dudes. I just wanted them to hate him like I did, because he hurt me soooooo much! But all I did is create confusion and upset in my kids' life. I can't change the past for my actions, but I can offer someone else advice who's been there. Be glad the "other guy" loves your kids, altho it may be "killing" you inside. I feel for you, I really do. Some day, the conversation may come up, then by that time, your wounds may have healed and you can be more rational, than I WASN'T!!!!!
2007-07-29 04:06:25 · answer #5 · answered by zen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't discuss adultery with 7 and 5 year olds!!!! Its an adult situation. All they need to know is that mommy and daddy still love them and are there for them when they need them, even though they no longer live together. For either of you to "discuss" your situation with your very young children, is only dragging them into the middle of you, which no child should have to endure, regardless of the reasons why parent separate. GROW UP!
2007-07-29 04:01:24 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your place to tell your children that there mother committed adultery--in the end, they won't respect you for making her look bad.
Try hard to take the high road, and don't give in to the fact that your wife treated you poorly. Don't stoop to her level.
If your kids ask, you can say something neutral like, "Mommy decided she'd be happier living with him." When they are older, they will "get" what she did.
As far as adultery goes, you can say that you think people should be married who live together, and uphold that example yourself (no girlfriends in the house, etc).
Sorry about your situation.
2007-07-29 04:00:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEVER!!! If you don't believe in cheating then you also shouldn't believe in abusing your own children either. YOU are the one with the issues about your ex so YOU are the one who needs therapy. Don't try to poison your children's minds with YOUR own personal issues of wanting to attack your wife. When your children are teenagers and it's time to talk about dating and marriage, then you can discuss the pros and cons of shacking up and fidelity, but under no circumstances should you ever bad mouth your ex or try to use her as an example or else you will lose their respect forever. Your children love this man so leave it alone. You should be spending ALL of your time showing your children love and affection, not resentment.
2007-07-29 08:59:25 · answer #8 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not talk to them about it, at all. talk to a therapist instead. you should not use them to get even with your ex-wife or settle the score. it will just make them sad and confused, they will surely tell your ex what you said, who will then start to say negative things about you, and it will become mommy vs. daddy, with them in between. they are innocent little girls, they should not be dragged into a "war of words" between you and your ex. Just let it go, if she was scummy enough to cheat on you you're better off without her. if you are frustrated that they are still living with her and her "friend" then try to get the custody arrangement changed. good luck!
2007-07-29 04:19:45 · answer #9 · answered by kallista 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You DON'T they don't NEED to know the details of your marriage and divorce. Your divorce has NOTHING to do with your children. It involves only you and your husband and it is lousy parenting to bring the children into it. You are attempting to use your children as a way to get back at your spouse and that is a LOUSY thing to do to them. If you really LOVED your children you would not put them in the middle of your problems with your spouse.
2007-07-29 12:02:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋