i"m so pissed at my dad! He's cheating on my mom!! Help?

Question

My dad is 37 and my mom 41. My mom has suspected my dad of cheating on her and said she always knew. I'm 15 and when she told me when I was younger I didn't believe that someone would do that so I threw all accusations out the window. Until a year ago, when a used condom fell out of my dad's pocket and he got a present from this girl sonya saying that she loved him, i told my mom and she blew it off. She's big and feels ugly, like she has no self-worth. So my half-sister came over and told me that our dad takes her to some ladys house and she thought they had sex that night and she has one yr. old twins. I was shocked. To top the story off, he gave my sis and cousin his phone so they could call their parents and they looked at the txt messages and one text was from a woman. It said, if you cravin some hypnotic n' fellacio then ring me up. I get off at six, meet me. Don't forget. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU! I busted him and he called me an effing liar. I'm so upset! what to do?

I'm 15 btw, and my dad says that i'm making up stuff. my mom knows i'm not but she's like, "there's nothing i can do about it" and I feel like she has total lack of confidence in herself, like she doesn't care. I'm upset because I can't believe he would do that to us. My dad says he wants to move back to the city because i'm a liar, when he knows i'm not. He tells me to stay out of adult business, but he's hurting my mom..how can i?

Answer 1

Your mother is in denial and what she doesn't realize is how this is affecting her kids- when a parent cheats on another parent, they are not just cheating on their spouse, they are also cheating on the kids- and too often parents don't think of this or realize it. Until your mother is willing to do something about this, unfortunately, there is little you can do-
Your mother needs strength and self esteem and move on, but she is obviously not willing and maybe even can't for fear of losing what little she has to hold on to.
You are only making your father more outraged, and unless you can sit and discuss things with mom, let her know that it is affecting you things may only get worse- sometimes it gives a parent more strength when they need to do something for their kids sake than their own, maybe you can direct her into making changes for the sake of her kids as supopsed for herself.
As for dad, let it go, as much as it upsets you, you have no control over what he does- and you nagging and getting into his business will only cause more friction in the family (mostly between you and him).
Work with mom, stay by her side, let her know she is not alone in this and whatever decision she makes, you will support her, she needs a support system to motivate her and you are part of that source because she loves you, probably more than she loves your father- she won't make changes for herself, she will do it for her kids if she just realizes that it is not just about her- it is about you too.
Many hugs- I am so sorry, your dad just p'ssed me off and I don't even know the guy!

Answer 2

Hi....I feel sorry for your mom, because if her self esteem was in a better state of mind I believe she'd defend herself pertaining to this other woman. Your mom's low self esteem is preventing her to confront your dad with this issue. She's afraid that due to her weight that your dad will leave her and she won't find another if she accuses him for cheating. I understand this, when it comes to your mom's feelings. However, this doesn't solve the issue at hand. Your dad has no respect for your mom and she deserves better. I hate to be so blunt but it's the truth, I won't lie. First of all, you need to focus on your mom...forget your dad right now. Take your mom out and get her hair done or buy her a new outfit, make her feel special, a queen for a day! Make this day hers and yours. Keep telling her that she's special, build up her ego so she doesn't feel so low about herself. You need to remind her everyday how much you love her and support her and keep the good remarks going for her self esteem. She needs this right now from you and any other sibling. As for your dad...realistically speaking ..there is really nothing you can do except maybe giving him the 'cold shoulder' so do speak. Now for some parents, losing their child's respect is the worse thing that could happen, other parents don't give a rats behind. Your dad might be one of those, who doesn't care how their child feels about them so take this into consideration. Now each individual has their own way of handling a situation such as this. If it had been me per say, and knowing what type of person I am, I would tell my dad exactly how I feel and that I have lost all respect for him and then leave it alone. This way I would have 'spoken my peace' and letting him know that from now on, my mom has all my support and he has gained nothing and lost all respect from me. Now I'm not saying not to be cordial or disrespect him in other ways because he is your dad and always will be. When your dad has heard this from you or other siblings, he might rethink on what he is doing and change his ways but I said 'might'. Your mom apparently doesn't want a divorce due to her low self esteem but this can change if you remind her everyday on how nice she looks and give her compliments. Tell her she doesn't need a man that she has family that loves her. I'd be worried that your dad might bring home an STD to your mom...that would be devastating! So just remember to focus on your mom and give her all the love and support you can, she needs her kids right now. I wish you all the luck in your situation, take care and God Bless.

Answer 3

sugar, even tho it affects u, it's really not ur biz...ur moms knows what's goin on, probably puts up with it cuz she doesn't want 2 b alone and doesn't think she can get any1 else...sad, but nothin u can do, moms has 2 make the decision 2 take action...at the very minimum, she needs 2 talk 2 a professional 2 try 2 get her self-esteem in check so she can kick him 2 the curb...i would get the hell out of there as soon as i was old enough and i sure wouldn't have much 2 do with dad in the meantime...good luck

Answer 4

i think what you should do the next time youre dad takes youre sister to the womans house tell her to call you or youre mom and tell her where their at and maybe youre mom has to see it for herself before she will speak up and you need to reasure youre mom she is beautiful and she deserves so much more than that in life and im sorry youre dad is doing this i know it hurts but youre mom is gonna get enough and say something but make sure she sees it for herself and she probably knows that it is going on but she is probably in denial dont wont to beleive it because she doesnt know what to do about it and the next time you have youre dads phone or sister tell her to show youre mom the text messages and she will see for her self what he is doing just hang in their and hopefully things will work out for all of you

Answer 5

You need to tell both of your parents that all this crap is none of your business. Remind them that you are a child and their problems are adult problems. You need to speak to a school counselor or maybe your pastor/priest/rabbi, etc.

Answer 6

if you mom doesn't want to see what's in front of her it's going to be difficult to convince her.
i would have replied to the text... this is his daughter you tramp. thanks for breaking up our family.
see if you can get the rest of your family to come by... maybe they are aware of what's going on and can do an intervention on your mom to make her see what he's up to.
any chance you wrote down the # ? i would give it to your mom or call the lady while on speaker so your mom can hear her.

Answer 7

its up to your mom to deal with this....its just a rotten shame that kids are getting hurt in the meantime....sorry to hear this, but you are just getting hurt trying to stop something that cant be stopped.......good luck....