help with love?

Question

I have been in a twelve year relatioship and she wants to end it how can I fix it someone please help me she dont want to try and fix it instead she wants to give up and I dont want to put our two children thru this I dont know what to do to fix it and she wont help

I have been in a twelve year relationship and she wants to end it and I am still deeply in love with her we have two children together and she dont want to even try and help me fix this and I dont know if I can move on I want to be with her and our kids but she says she dont want to be with me what scares me is that with the way she is being I will turn out to be like my real dad and I dont want that to happen she has the kids with her and is not helping me see them or talk to them I have not seen our kids in about a month and she wont let me talk to them I dont want to give up hope for us to be together but she has already given up I want her to change her mind and dont know what to do for this to happen she dont even want to talk to me she is freinds with my mom and family but they dont want to help me either I am lost please someone help me fix this give me some help please

Answer 1

I am so sorry for you and your family. I left my husband a few times and I think me leaving hurt him but I wanted him to open his eyes a little wider. He didn't realize that he was putting me and our four kids to the side, while everything else in his life came first. Untill I left each time. It wasn't about being with anyone else, I just wanted him to open his eyes and make us priority and was hard when he didn't even realize. but some time alone gave him that chance to figure out what he really wanted in this life, and how he could change to fix it. have you asked her what it is you've done that you don't know you've done.Try that approach and work on it ,give her some space to work out her own faults as well

Answer 2

Eric. Is there a reason you two never married? Is there a reason you didn't state that she isn't letting you talk to your children? Its hard to answer questions like this because although you state you have loved this woman for 12 years, you never married. You have and had problems but now want to work on them that she is gone, but you don't state what the problems were. This is what makes it harder to help you. So I can offer some very generic advice to you. First I want you to remember something.... there are always two sides and you have to be able to take ownership in your part of the ending of this relationship.

Your children right now should be your main concern. Not the woman you didn't marry. If there is not a legitimate reason she is not allowing you to see them, then you must go to the court house and file papers for a custody arrangement. As well as child support. You can do this for a very low fee at your prothonotary's office and act on your own behalf. After you have that settled and can see your children, then you can begin to try and repair the damaged relationship. But the children must come first.

It very well could be the relationship is over and the damage is too much and you might have to learn to accept that. I know a broken heart isn't something we like to have , but we have all been there and we have all learned something from our past relationships in order to not to in new ones. If there isn't anything to salvage and there is no hope and she makes that perfectly clear.. then resign yourself to the fact that you had 12 years and you have 2 children.

Right now you are thinking of your pain...... its time to think of those kids and their pain. Do the right thing and get the rights to see your children first.

Answer 3

I think there must be more to this story than you say.
First of all there is definitely something wrong when you have a "relationship" for 12 years. Why didnt you marry her? Maybe that is an issue? She probably feels that you never took her seriously or loved her enough. I know I would be feeling that way.
Also she must of been unhappy. You dont just totally switch off from someone you have been with for 12 years on a whim. Something must of happened to make her take this course. I am not saying it was just you. She could have another man, or you may of cheated.....there has to be more to this story.
If her mind is really made up there is nothing you can do. You will just have to go to the court and see how you can get rights to see your kids. I am suprised you have not done this already. Makes me wonder why you havent....

Answer 4

Twelve years and 2 kids...and it's a ":relationship"??
Right there something is wrong. You should be an old married couple now.

Well, there's abviously a reason things are going sour, so find that reason and deal with it. Remeber, some things can't be fixed. The sad thing is the kids deserve a Mom and a Dad. Marriage would have made that a leagal deal.

Good luck pal.

Answer 5

There's a lot of history here that we are only hearing one side of -- yours. You didn't give any details as to why she's finally done with you or the relationship. My guess is that twelve years is a long time to put up with issues with somebody.

You have two children with this woman. She is the mother of your children. That will never change. But you will have to respect her decision and be a mature adult for the kids' sake. Help be supportive, pay the kids' expenses, but accept that people change and maybe your breaking up will be actually a blessing.

She's not happy and it sounds like you weren't either. Two people can love each other but just not be together. It's hard to accept, but as an adult, not everything in life goes the way we want it to. We are not children, and can't be throwing tantrums. I suggest you find a good licensed therapist for yourself to help you work out your rage and anger issues, to cope with the loss of this relationship, and continue to be a good stable father and someone to be proud of.

It won't be easy, and your ego is hurt, but for those beautiful kids, you will be respectful of their mom and you will be polite to her for the sake of those kids. Those children should not be torn apart because you and the missus couldn't work things out.

Good luck.

Answer 6

First, get a lawyer to protect your legal and parental rights. In many states it matters who files for divorce first, so do not be pushed into that position by her. You don't mention any remediation attempts or marriage counseling - if she won't go, get some counseling for yourself to help with the shock and grief. Remember that no matter how this works out, you're still the dad of a couple of kids who still need you, and need you to be a strong adult with them, and one who doesn't use his hurt as a tool to drive a wedge between them and their mom. It's scary to think about being single after 12 years, but a lot of people have picked up the pieces and moved on - I'm sure if it comes to that you can to the same. Good luck to you, man.

Answer 7

What happened and why doesnt see wanna fix your relationship and WORSE why is she turning the kids against you and cant you see them????you dont give us any details here.........Did you cheat on her or does she have somebodyelse......my got you 2 should act like parents and talk things over properly.....she seems so determined and being a mum myself yes this is very serious stuff.I QUESS forcing her to take you back really wont work,the better you accept it she wants to be outa your life the better BUT she has responsibility to let you see the kids and I believe to give you some solid explanation why she wants OUT.Maybe you could write her a letter but meanwhile you must seek some legal advice...prepare to have your plan ready and be willing to pay for mainteneance or atleast some decent childsupport so that she cant use this against you because if you WONT harrass her and you will pay on time then she doesnt have much bearings against you or does she???

Answer 8

You sound like my ex. My question to you is, how many times has she told you what was wrong in the relationship that you chose to ignore? How may warnings did you get before she had enough? If your relationship has lasted that long, she must have been unhappy for a long time. So how could you change it now and why would this time be more important than the last?

Answer 9

1st ask her why she wants 2 end it now after 12 years , and y she whould do that 2 her kids. Tell her u r sorry 4 what ever u did and ask her 4 another chance !!!!!!!!!!!! And be sure 2 tell her u love her alot !!!!!!! ( but dont say that more than like 5 time a day )




Best of luck,

kylie & graysan

Answer 10

If you care then fight for her. Show her that you love her. But if you are ready tried and she still wants to go then you have to let her go. the kids will be OK, Just still be in there life but not to much right now then she will think you are trying to keep tides on her.