well, im part of a group. they ask me to do things and i cant say NO even if its not necessary. i hate it. i dont have the guts to stand out for myself because they might think im useless. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP.. :(
2007-07-29 01:57:24 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Self realization! You are on your way! Now, set boundaries. Get grounded.
source 1: a quick essay at high school level.
source 2: a book to expand consciousness.
2007-07-29 02:28:47 · answer #1 · answered by pedro 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was 17, I had the same problem; I simply couldn't say no to anybody.
It took me gaining self-confidence and learning I have limits and need to respect my own time to change. It also took being able to accept that if people will reject me just because I don't do something, they're manipulative and shallow.
If a person will not be your friend or you can't be a part of something because you need to respect yourself and have limits, they're not worth it.
Not saying "no" is fundamentally a fear that you will be rejected. It's a fear you won't have companionship or that a person has greater needs than your own. In reality, the only people who are worth it are the ones who will respect you either way... And saying "no" can garner respect. . .
I had a boss once that didn't respect people's time, in my opinion... But I was consistent and would not let her give me night shifts. I would always say, "no." She respected that and learned that I need my sleep and I respect myself so she respected that too.
Now, everyone is different... But what is this group??? Is it forcing you to do things that are immoral?
(Note: For some reason, if you say "yes" all the time, people tend to respect your time less and take you for granted, because they just don't think you "can't" do it or don't want to. Plus, manipulative people love to take advantage of good-hearted people who want to make everyone happy-- it's good to spot them, because they will suck you dry.)
2007-07-29 02:03:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your case is indeed a very profuse consenting youngster! You must assert yourself in whatever is appropriate, otherwise when you become an adult it can virtually jeopardize your decision to produce the desired positive results.
Meanwhile, you can change yourself for the better by trying to refrain from doing what you think is not best for everyone, You must believe in yourself like nobody's business! It may not be easy and it cannot be done overnight! Just be patient!
Good luck!
2007-07-29 02:40:50 · answer #3 · answered by Ka_Ibigan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a book about boundaries. You don't seem to have any right now. Always ask yourself "is this good for me?" If it's not, then move on. Start putting yourself first and seeing if whatever is going on is good FOR YOU.
Sounds like you are putting other peoples needs before your own. You know what? Those people don't care abt your needs that's why YOU have to care about your needs.
Good luck!
2007-07-29 02:14:36 · answer #4 · answered by asldfkjdfj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your situation. Once I was in the same situation. But in my case why I did not say NO to friends was:
I thought like this:
If I say No they could hate me.
If I say No they could tease me.
If I say No by this I will hurt them.
But when I started reading books and attending various classes and learned I realized I had a lack of self confidence.
Therefore, I suggest, do not think anything else. Stand in front of a Mirror and talk to yourself loudly and say loudly I can decide myself what I like or hate. I am not afraid of anything or anyone anymore.
My life is for me and then for others. If I am healthy and perfect I can help others. My thoughts are in my control. I will not allow anyone to control me.
Just do it within a week you will send me a message like others did THANK YOU.
I wish you success. For any help feel free any time welcome nihon94@yahoo.com
2007-07-29 02:08:51 · answer #5 · answered by Ari 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its the same with me. I can't say no to anybody that i don't know really well. I try to think of all the reasons why i would say no, before I answer. Then, I try to pluck up the courage and just say no. Also i try to give an explanation (to the person i am saying no to ) why i can't do what they want me to do. U could try acting out skits (in which u have to say no to somebody) with people who r ur friends. I hope my advice helps.
2007-07-29 02:09:05 · answer #6 · answered by Bubbly! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 17 you have the right in many if not all states to go and sign yourself up for therapy either through your school counselor or social worker or at your local MHMR office.
2007-07-29 02:04:39 · answer #7 · answered by Clown Knows 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't like doing what they ask you to do, simply don't do it. It's called peer pressure and you'll eventually get the short end of the stick. It's YOUR life, why let them live it? If they are abusive in their requests, leave them alone period! Think for yourself, and good luck.
2007-07-29 02:08:20 · answer #8 · answered by uhoh002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time they ask you to do something you don't want to do, just say no. It will get easier. I know it was hard for me to say no also. Good luck.
2007-07-29 02:07:36 · answer #9 · answered by comeundone4162 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gain some confidence.
2007-07-29 03:27:46 · answer #10 · answered by Inuyasha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋