My world spins as i go with it.
Can't stop can't slow down.
Unable to understand.
Can't see anymore.
Save me from this place.
Please take me with you.
Take me somewhere.
Just take me away from here.
Dreaming up ways to end this.
Life will be beautiful again.
I could sing without pain.
Laugh without crying.
And we can be forever in love.
But for now.
All I can do is keep on spinning.
2007-07-29 00:01:05 · 7 answers · asked by Anna 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
oh!that's a nice one.Sweet work!!!
keep writing.
2007-07-29 00:13:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your poem is unfocused...I can sense where it wants to go...but it spins around it instead of to it. You make statements but there is nothing for us to understand "why" they are true. Why would you want to be saved by being taken someplace when you just said that you can't get away? Or that you just want to "end this" so "life" would be beautiful. These are contradictory terms. I know there is a good poem in here, but you need to get it out into the open. Show us the way, paint us a clearer picture with your words...we want to understand...right now you're just giving comments and all we can do is watch you tailspin without understanding why.
edit, review, post the revision and let us see where you go with this...I sense it could be a really good poem.
2007-08-01 13:42:22 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a poem about longing for better time in life. The present moment is ful of confusion beyond control. The idea of the poem is very simple and can easily reach the audience without any difficulty or complication. It is also divided nicely between problem and hope for the better. Title is needed and that can be SPINNING. All the best!
2007-07-29 02:40:56 · answer #3 · answered by Ramesh STAR BLUE UNIVERSE ARTFIN 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm really a fan of free verse and have been writing them, too, so I must say I enjoyed your work. Try to use deeper and vivid words to give more impact to the emotions you want to convey. Descriptive words largely contribute to the poem's tangibility. It's important that we, writers, get through our readers' senses, and, the readers also get through the materials we write. You have the idea. Write more often. :)
2007-07-29 03:27:22 · answer #4 · answered by *eLLe* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i replaced into brouht into poety almost 3 years in the past, by potential of two human beings I care approximately nonetheless. i replaced into observed by potential of others I additionally care approximately, no longer basically as poets yet as people who're very genuine on the different factor of the video show. i've got admitted in lots of circumstances, my assumptions approximately my very own poetry, and characteristic under no circumstances declined effectual sugestions. What i'm maximum bothererd by potential of, is somebody asserting some thing such as you stated, with none techniques for progression, etc. If i replaced into instructed to trash a chew, i might if a valid reason replaced into provided, OR, if the guy who made the fact in step with risk instructed me why, and what, of their opinion unfavorable or advantageous, could be performed. I won't call the guy right here, yet i've got been suggested as insignificant,,, and that i can stay with that for the time of my quest to no longer BE, yet to have somebody impose an over inflated ego on me, assuming they are the main efficient poet of all circumstances, reasons me to ask your self. I haven't any desire to be commonplace, nevertheless the understanding and taking good care of others, even expressing brazenly as I in lots of circumstances do with reference to sisters, kin, etc. would be misinterpreted in some particularly inane fan club mentality. As HD suggested, and in yet another question she requested, i contemplate whether I could in simple terms use a Y/A provided icon? i do no longer think of of myself as an exterior guy or woman, or superficial, interest in seek of. perceptions are so in lots of circumstances taken interior the incorrect way, yet i'm an inner entity, and what others see isn't all there is approximately me. If i replaced into basically right here for the factors and the TD's or abuses a good number of undergo, i might detect a street at commuter time and play in site visitors particularly than problem with posting by way of my hobby.
2016-10-09 12:29:52 · answer #5 · answered by newnham 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this poem indeed describes your feelings
I like ones that describe that along with touching
the heart. I can see you put in much work on this beautiful
poem.
2007-07-29 04:02:06 · answer #6 · answered by sweet_blue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very nice, I like how well you described your feelings.
2007-07-29 03:26:01 · answer #7 · answered by Dinosaur 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋