I have been married for almost 6 years and headed for a divorce. I love my wife dearly and I want to be strong, but it is almost impossible. She is my strength...but she always uses that where I'm weak. I want to be stronger, but I don't want to hurt/lose her. I have several downfalls.
I am an acoholic. I drink at least a pint a day, but I usually don't get drunk. I know I need to stop and I want her to help...but she says it's up to me.
I smoke weed. I blaze every day and smoke Blacks/cigarettes when I'm not. I am a smoker.
I procrastinate. I say a million things that should be done and do about 10 of them.
I am out of shape. I am 6'2 and 225 with an "okay" build. I'm not fat, but I ain't what I used to/could be.
I am argumentative. I like to talk about things in depth. I know I should just let some things go, but it's nearly impossible.
I do love her as I said. I never cheated, hit her, or failed my financial responsibilities.
Now she doesn't even want friendship. Answers?
2007-07-28 23:43:49 · 20 answers · asked by thisguy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ANU U... I like what you said. I do feel weak. I have been through much in my life and I know better, but it is very hard for me to to do my best. There is usually no reason as I meet most challenges beyond expectation.This is so different...I feel like my best aint enough. The things I don't do versus other men just don't hold out with her. I think she would actually accept a man with more flaws than me. Do you think I'm I delusional?
2007-07-29 00:04:46 · update #1
Advice:
Your happiness should NEVER depend on anything or anyone.
Learn that from what you are going through now.
Don't think for one minute that she doesn't already KNOW all of the attributes that you describe as weaknesses. She already knows.
Answer:
Move on
2007-07-29 13:24:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First you have already showed her your weaknesses. Your an addict, your addicted to alcohol, weed, cigarettes and her. I don't believe she is your strength, she is your crutch.
You being out of shape and procrastinating is not the problem here, women actually seem to think it's cute when thier men get a little pudgy, and as long as some stuff gets done they are happy.
You may have never cheated on her or hit her, but the fact is if your always drunk or high i can guarantee that you are emotionally and mentally abusing her. The fact that you are a good provider does very little to outweigh what you have done.
Is it a wonder that she doesn't want anything to do with you? You've not been there for her for 6 years, she's probably given you all the chances she is going to give you.
She is a woman though, and women are often forgiving beyond any reasonable measure. Chances are this marriage is a lost cause, but if you really want to save it and keep her then you are going to have to make some major changes in your life.
Seek out one of the many programs out there that will help give you the support you need to quit drinking and smoking weed. Make that commitment first, and show her that you are willing to and trying to change, and stick with it. She might actually see that you believe she is more important to you then the other addictions that you have. And may decide to stick it out with you and help you through. I'm going to warn you though, if you go this route, she's probably not going to stick around and listen to you saying "I'm really trying to quit baby." as your downing another pint and taking another hit off the joint. Be serious about it and do it, or she'll definitely be gone.
2007-07-29 07:06:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with showing a woman your weaknesses but these are more than small weaknesses - the things you list are foundational character flaws. These types of flaws are something a person can either live with or not and it seems she has opted for the "not." I don't blame her. Look, YOU have to take control of your own life and help yourself. She's absolutely right - she can't make these changes for you and can't be your strength to do it. She's looking for YOU to finally have the strength inside yourself. If you can't choose HER over alcohol, then you are weak. You need to get help by going to a rehab program like Alcholics Anonymous. Right now, you're focused entirely on losing her when your focus should be on WHY you're losing her. Only when you start to address these things can you have any hope of one day winning her back.
2007-07-29 07:22:14 · answer #3 · answered by bestadvicechick 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
-How would you feel if a guy steps to her that has all of the qualities that she is looking for and doesn't have any of the ones that she finds repulsive in you?
-If you had/have any kids, would they be able to look up to you and be proud? or ashamed?
-The only way to win her back is to be a real man and step up.
Only YOU can change YOU. If your love is as deep for her as you said, then you will find the strength to do what needs to be done.
-Deep down, you seem like you may be a decent person because you care enough to get the opinions to try to change. But just trying will not get it.....
-If not, then she will find someone else that cares enough about her and is on the same level as her. And will not look back and both of them will laugh about what a loser they think you are and happy that they've found each other. I'm not trying to be negative, but hey, this is real life.
-Man up and change...it may not be too late.
2007-07-29 06:58:32 · answer #4 · answered by Sybel H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your alcohol and weed tendencies have pushed her to the edge, chances are this has been leading up to this point for a long time until she just couldn't take it anymore.. you need to get yourself into some meetings and be stronger, you just need to change and that is all in the power of your mind.. if you say you are not strong it is only because that is how you choose to be. I hope you will see the light otherwise the only thing that will be by your side is that bottle and that joint..
2007-07-29 07:01:27 · answer #5 · answered by meeeeeeeee2681 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Physical exercise, therapy and counsel ling is the key to help you overcome what you are going through. You say you are weak but One thing a woman always wants is satisfaction, attention and love. Drinking, smoking weeds, you can control yourself if you want to, but if you are addictive then you need counsel ling and therapy. Of course even if you hide, you wife will now your weakness after all those years together, she truly knows and its not a bad that she know otherwise she is yours. The only person you can hide your weakness is your fiance or gf not your wife
2007-07-29 06:53:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't tell us this, you should tell her this. Sounds like you guys need communication. Do you have children together? Also, you should start attending AA meetings and a rehab outpatient center. That would not only be best for the both of you but it will allow you to go in a better direction when you are thinking clearer.
2007-07-29 06:58:51 · answer #7 · answered by Shawnda P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are times when a man can show his weakness to his woman. It is a sign of the trust he has in her.
But Man you are showing her NOTHING but weakness. By your own words you are weak, an alcoholic, a pot smoker and argue for the sake of arguing. She no longer wants to see you weaker side, she wants you to step up, be a man, and do what you need to do to make yourself a better man.
2007-07-29 06:52:49 · answer #8 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you already know the answers to your questions.
Quit taking the easy route and be strong like a man and do what needs to be done.
She probably doesn't respect you right now.
You still got time, show some improvement, change.
2007-07-29 06:47:01 · answer #9 · answered by Lewis T 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
why not? there is nothing wrong to be weak!
the only thing you need to acknowledge is that you are also a normal human, a man.
be yourself, allow people around you to get you up when you are weak, no need to hide behind a mask, it is just too tiring...
be yourself, be happy, address your issue positively, stop drinking and smoking now, they hurt your mind, prevent you from thinking things out right.
be yourself, you can be strong.
2007-07-29 09:02:02 · answer #10 · answered by lost man 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋