Should I end my marriage?

Question

I am currently getting marriage counselling. The counselling sessions seem to draw me to a conclusion I should leave my wife.

I got married really young, I am very different to my wife, I have fallen for another woman (but not pursued that physically), I wish my wife was a different type of person - she could be more confident, ambitious, outgoing. I am sick of spending nights at home and not out.

The other side of it is that my wife is a great person. She is loyal and loving.

She doesnt want our marriage to end despite me telling her how I feel about this other woman.

I am now 35. My wife is 30 and tells me that if I leave her I have ruined her life. She feels she is too old to meet a new guy and remarry and have kids. She feels she will be a lonely spinster.

This lack of self confidence is one of the things I really dont like about her.

She believes committment is a choice. A choice I made when we got married and I am obligated to stay with her.

Answer 1

Well i can tell by reading this your being honest, with your wife...Sometime things don't work, or work well together...Counseling is not going to change who you are and who she is...Of coarse your wife will have a hard time with this at first, but she will be ok and i think you will be to...
You are not obligated to spend the rest of your life, not living...I know this because i to had to make that same choice... My choice... to leave, i had to, i was slowly dying inside...One can only take so much...
Do what you feel is right in your heart and your head, i do believe you will make the right choice...Good Luck

Answer 2

Don't you feel sorry for this question when you read it on yourself? As a matured man, you can not adjust with your wife who is practically right and you think you are going to have kids and going to lead them in a good direction?

First try to understand that marriage is a bond and you should LIVE together till last. When you can adjust to 100 charectors in the office and still live (you stay a min of 8 hrs with office), why can not you adjust and live for one charector back at home? She is afterall yours and living for you.

Yes girls afraid of their future because of their status once they are separated. But men do not suffer any more and so you do not feel the pain in the ass. Do you know the challenges a single women has to face in the world? Please do not do a sin of rejecting. Answer me this question : If your son or daughter behaves bad, can you leave them? Or if your parents are different from you, can you quit them? Its all in the life. You should know how to adjust and that is called living.

Who is a marriage counseller to dictate what you both have to do as husband and wife? He does not even know the intensity of issues unless you both explain to them for years. Untill they are paid for the session, they will give you what advise you need at your preset mind. So clear off all the past and try to live together.

Have another first night tomorrow and start a new life. The present spouse is the best always. All the best.

Answer 3

You may feel like that obligation is not worth much now that you're interested in another woman but if the tables were turned, you'd be thinking the same things your wife does.
And if you developed a degenerative nerve disease and your wife went to counseling with you to convince you it was OK for her to dump YOU because you had changed (uh, yeah, you'd no longer be healthy...) and she had fallen for someone who had a healthy strong body, you'd think she was the most heartless assh**** who ever lived.
Well, get a mirror and see a heartless assh****.
You're wasting your time in counseling if it's about your desire to get out so you can be with another woman. Counseling is to work on your marriage, not work on your exit strategy.
Hey, this other woman can be just the right person for you. Then she can dump you when she starts thinking, 'I married too soon; I really wanted someone who would be more fun/ skinnier/ richer/ smarter' Good luck with that, fella.

Answer 4

i feel for your wife but in any marriage or relationship, to stay together is a choice that both of you make. If she wants to stay and you don't then there is no point.

I agree with you with regards to her confidence. She is 30 and that isn't old. She can still start afresh, esp if you guys dun have kids. There is nothing you can do to help her with her confidence. The best thing you guys can be is still being friends. Do what you have to do. If you stay you will build a resentment towards her and that will ruin any chance of a friendship, worse it when you do finally part it will get ugly. She will move on eventually. It is probably harder for her than you as you have someone else you have feelings for. When she finds someone, it'll be easier for her to move on. Maybe you can start introducing guys to her! Haha...

No one has to do something they don't want to. Just remember that every action has a consequence.

Answer 5

You have not explained anything that justify you to cheat on her with the other woman have. Perhaps as the saying go, it you really want to see your things different, the best guy to with is yourself. Your wife is commit ed to her marriage, loves you and respects your only that the world is drawing your into something that you will regret eventually since your wife had not done anything that justify you to treat her like that. Talk to her, work out things with her, be human and considerate. She feel insecure because of the way you are treating her and now she knows that her marriage is on the line. Remember your covenant and vows, ...for better for worse...until death do us part

Answer 6

Your major complaint seems to be HER lack of confidence.
I'm sure it would be difficult for any woman to feel self assured with a jerk who is trying to leave a relationship with a "loyal and loving". for no good reason.
Get your head back in your marriage before it is too late.

Frankly, your story here is a bit disgusting for the guys who have stayed married and did forsake falling for another woman. I understand you have not had sex ( whose choice is that) but this mental wandering is just as destructive.

Cut the crap. There is no sympathy for a guy who would leave his wife because he has no clue what he is doing.

Answer 7

Guys really trip me out sometimes,you knew what type of woman your wife was when you married her but now that you have found this new little miss thing your wife isn't"t good enough for.That's wrong and you know that or you would not be asking that question to us.When you got married you said for rich or poor sickness or health and don"t forget you said that right in front of god.You better know he don"t like ugly and what you are doing is just THAT!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

Wow, I feel for her. She seems like she's a good woman. However, if you are not happy then you should not be forced to stay with her. Why does she feel like she's going to be a spinster, she's ONLY 30! 30 is the new 20's. Its noble of you to stay with her to spare her feelings, but in the long run you both will be very unhappy. Its a hard decision I wish you both good luck.

Answer 9

Is she happy? I agree with the principle that commitment is a choice, but she has obligations too. Holding you to your obligation without making an effort in herself is very tough. It is very hard living with someone you don't even like.

Is it possible to see her in a new light and love her flaws anyway? It would take a lot.

Although in principle I am against divorce, in reality I would probably get out of that situation unless something changes.

Answer 10

Well, all I can say, is I don't really believe in divorce, unless adultery involved.

But she does certainly deserve better than someone like you.

However, I would suggest that you stop the business with other women, and maybe concentrate on your wife, and making her happy.

I really believe that you have some problems.