Most times he denies he's done anything to me and then he says he's sorry he'll never do it again, but it alway happens again. Today he pushed me and grabbed me by the arm in front of our 5 year old. Is it just me or this is wrong? he is usually such a normal person but it seems to me he has no self control.
2007-07-28 22:03:51 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Start documenting incidences. Just start a log. If he leave a mark, have a friend photograph it. Buy a camera and have the friend hold onto it for just this purpose.
Research depression and see if there is anything you can incorporate into your diets to help relieve depression.
Eat nutritious meals, breakfast, lunch and dinner and consider incorporating a good multi-vitamin into your diets.
Establish a routine of dinner bath and bed for your 5 year old. Most kids will sleep 12 hours or so.
Rent a comedy once or twice a week. Have a laugh and some popcorn. Laughter raises endorphin and serationin levels. Makes you feel good.
Ask him every day if there is anything you can do for him. This is your pre-emptive move. When he starts to lose it you just go, "Hon, I asked this morning what I could do, remember? I would have ______ (fill in the blank) had I known." and excuse yourself. Go to the bathroom, throw in a load of towels, check the stove but let that be the end of it. Give him a little kiss and walk away.
Walk away any time a converstation is going south. Try to help him modify how he communicates by indicating when he is inappropriate by removing your presence every time.
Odds are his behaviors are going to escalate. Keep your documentation, get a restraining order the minute he crosses the line, and have Plan B on how to support you and your child without him in the household.
Good luck to you, dear.
God bless you and yours.
2007-07-28 22:25:31 · answer #1 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it ok? NO, absolutely positively not. And the fact that he does it in front of a 5 yr old and you do nothing about it is telling that 5 yr old that it's ok. So if it's a girl she'll think it's alright for her husband to do the same to you. If it's a boy he'll think that is just the way you treat women.
That being said, you need to get out now, he will not stop and it will only get worse. I've seen and talked to many women who have suffered from abuse, they all try to stay and fix the problem with the guy. It never ever works.
I'll tell you about a girl i knew, she spent 10 yrs with the same man, his abuse started out with a push. Then it graduated to slapping, slowly on to punching. Then one day he started choking her till she passed out. This woman ended up over the course of 10 years with god knows how many broken bones and if you ever seen her medical records you would wonder how she managed to survive for even that long. Long story short, one day she didn't survive. He's in jail and the two kids are in foster care.
Do you want to end up being the story that someone tells another woman in your circumstances one day? If not get out, go stay with one of your relatives. If you have none there is a battered womans shelter in your area, i guarantee it. They will help you with any of the emotional damage that you have suffered, give you and your kid a place to stay. And when your ready help you get on your own two feet.
2007-07-29 00:44:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be the start of something worse although that is bad enough to be pushed or grabbed by the arm but you can give him a very firm warning & say if you push me one more time the marriage is over & stick to what you say because if you let him get away with it it will get worse
& tell him not to argue etc in front of your child as well while you are at it
2007-07-28 22:20:58 · answer #3 · answered by ausblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like an anger control problem.
Sit down - and think:
Will this go on? (most likely, yes)
Can i change this? (on your own, no. With help, probably yes)
Does this pose a danger to said 5 year old? (OH YES!)
So, you need to make it clear to yourself:
- do i love him?
- can i handle these agressive fits?
If answer to EITHER one is 'no' - then you have two options.
1) Leave right away, with your child, never to return.
2) Give him a deadline - you get help, and therapy before X-time- or i will leave you.
Make sure a trusted friend, or a doctor knows about this, and make sure that you have a place to run to, should you need to leave.
NO GUY FOR WHATEVER REASON should be so aggressive. They can go boxing, run around the block, but violence never solves anything.
The fact that he does this in front of your child worries me.
Be very careful, and please realize that you are also responsible for your safety, and that of your child.
2007-07-29 00:48:31 · answer #4 · answered by U_S_S_Enterprise 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you serious? If you have to ask then you know that it is wrong.. and most likely it will only get worse! At the very least you need to leave him for a while and let him know that you will not come back until he has taken an anger management class or something similar.. if you don't stop this now it will spiral out of control and you do not need to endanger your child anymore than you two already have.
2007-07-28 22:08:31 · answer #5 · answered by meeeeeeeee2681 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know it isn't okay and you don't need justification from anyone here. You see the situation and you are acknowledging that it is wrong. Please seek help before it becomes more serious, you do not want your child to be raised in a household where there is abuse, it isn't fun, that is how I was raised. Put your strength in whatever it will take to make sure you and your child are safe, let it be counseling, if that is what you chose or if it is to get the heck out, I pray that all will be well with you and your family. God Bless.
2007-07-28 22:14:40 · answer #6 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he is doing to you is wrong. He is physically abusing you by grabbing and pushing you and emotionally abusing you by calling you names. Hes behavior should not be tolerated by you. Even if he says he is sorry he will do it again. Pretty soon it will start getting worse because he will start beating you. Get some help for him if he denies what he does to you then its up to you to make a decision. You either stay with him and wait until he is actually beating you or you get your child and get away from him at least you will be safe.
2007-07-28 22:16:48 · answer #7 · answered by MZ. Latina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the guy who answered that it's cool, is an idiot. You need to get help this is a form of abuse and it will only get worse. I know, I have been there. Find a women's shelter or if you want to save the marriage try counceling but both of you need to go. He needs anger management also.
2007-07-28 22:07:37 · answer #8 · answered by lindzlor 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He Has A Anger Problem. Leave Him Its Only Going To Get Worse
2007-07-28 22:07:00 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Lin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The next step coming is the slap upside your head but yeah lady asswhoopings are a normal part of a healthy marriage.
Jesus H Christ!
Of course I'm being sarcastic but I'm afraid you may believe me!
2007-07-28 22:11:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋