husband is only fond of his parents n their parents using his love to make him hate me.he wants divorse cuz their parents say that.dont want 2 tell anything to in laws bt what should i make changes in behavior so that atleast i can live with husband happily n he discovers n cn see how deeply i love him
2007-07-28 20:32:27 · 10 answers · asked by kruti b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
your husband married you not his parents, he need to grow up, i would tell him to his face.
2007-07-28 20:35:21 · answer #1 · answered by Discovery 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but it is the usual story: A woman marries a man because she thinks she can change him into what she wants. A man marries a woman because he thinks she'll always be the same as when they married. If he was like this before you married him, it may not be possible to change him.
Some things change and others don't. You have to openly talk to him about how you feel. Give him specific examples of when you felt hurt. Ask him if he thinks his parents are being unreasonable. If he can't see your side, you may never be able to change him. You shouldn't have to change who you are unless you've also had bad habits - excessive drinking, staying out late with no excuses, not contributing to the marriage. I get the idea that that is not the case, tho'.
I suspect you are young. Try to set things straight but set a deadline for when things should improve. See a counselor if necessary (don't trust Yahoo answers for all your advice). But don't live in a failed marriage if you determine that is how it is going to continue. Life is too short to live unhappily. The adjustment will be hard but it can work out.
2007-07-29 03:49:38 · answer #2 · answered by Huba 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, dear, you are in a pickle.
Why did they choose you as his match in the first place?
Right now all you really can do is wait him out.
Focus on what you have to do in a day, and do it.
If someone speaks to you, smile, listen to what they have to say, basically agree with them and excuse yourself. I'd keep conversation to a minimum with regards to folks who may repeat you.
Eat nutritious meals, breakfast, lunch and dinner and consider incorporating a good multi-vitamin into your diet.
If you have children establish a routine of dinner, baths and bed. Have the house quiet by, say, 8:30.
Take a nice, hot bath, do your nails or read a book, or chat on the computer, and go to bed early. Get 8 hours sleep in a dark, quiet room set at a comfortable temperature.
Help your system with the stress.
Rent a comedy a couple times a week and have a good laugh and some popcorn. Laughter raises endorpin and seratonin levels. Makes you feel better.
Adopt the habit of asking him if there is anything you can do for him today. It just indicates that you have a thought for him during the day.
Get some hand weights and do reps. It takes the stress out of the neck and back. Research some techniques.
Only have positive conversation with him: ie: "Little Joe took his first steps today." or "I repotted that overgrown plant. Now we have two." If conversation becomes unpleasant, agree with him, "yes, you are right, the driveway does need to be swept. Excuse me, I have to.....go to the ladies room/check the stove/get that load of towels." Whatever. Just remove your presence.
Keep contact with him neutral and pleasant.
And just do what you're supposed to do.
He is going to decide whatever he is going to decide. Going against the parents is tough. You're going to have to earn that kind of rebellion.
One morning when he's leaving for work, just mention that you chilled a bottle of his favorite wine, and that you are really looking forward to when he comes home tonight. Dont' forget to buy some candles.
If you are interested in Really giving the parents What For, then heres What For 101.
Go to Tantric Sex or Kama Sutra or Sex Instruction 101. Read up. See what you are comfortable incorporating. See what you are comfortable sharing with him. Be a little naughty.
Advanced What For 101: After your shower every night put on something "more comfortable" and your makeup. Take your time in the bath, dressing and all. Then just go lounge in the bedroom with a book.
Go to inlustro.com and check out the nice things. put what you like in the cart. Ask him to pick what he likes out of the cart. Or start by just picking something and ordering it and surprising him. It arrives in a little brown, indiscriminate box. Very discreet.
Send him a text or e-mail here and there. "You looked great in that maroon shirt yesterday." or "I saw you changed the oil in the car. Thank you." Something honest and positive. Admiration if at all possible as men adore admiration. Admire his hair, his eyes, his shoulders, his muscular arms, ....he's all about how you admire him.
Deliberately make a Positive comment about his family every day. Just one, honest comment. " Your mother gave Suzie a bath this afternoon and Suzie loved spending the time with her." or "Your dad fixed that bathroom drip. That was very nice of him." Anything just so its positive, about the parents, and daily. So you may want to work on coming up with a list.
I wish you luck, dear.
God bless you and yours.
2007-07-29 05:06:14 · answer #3 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is too afraid to speak his mind for fear of rejection,and it sounds like to me that his parents dont know the full story. His parents sweetheart are playing him against you. It takes 2 people to make a marriage work; its based on trust,respect,honour,and committment. You and especially him have to work this out together without any interference. If it does not work out dear and he still wants the divorce,let him file for it. You are a beautiful person and deserve better.
2007-07-29 03:45:03 · answer #4 · answered by eddie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually you can leave him alone. Let him do what he want to do. Dont interfer with his life then you let yourself think thru whether is he suitable for you cause you are going to live your whole life with him. But remember, he wont change because of you.
2007-07-29 04:05:31 · answer #5 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ask him tha question of what can you do to make this work. If he still listens to his parents, he dosent deserves you. He is a kid. But I only know your side of story not sure of the whole.
2007-07-29 03:37:59 · answer #6 · answered by marymari 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
My answer is that you had better read Save My Marriage Today( http://save-the-marriage.info ) written by Amy Waterman first.I believe that you can solve your problems after reading that book.
Good luck!
2007-07-31 06:49:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you get a really high-paying job about 2,000 miles away from them and get him to move with you?
That might solve the whole issue . . .
2007-07-29 03:36:29 · answer #8 · answered by nora22000 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am in a similar boat my soon to be ex-wife thought it would be a good idea to bind side me with divorce. GO GET SOME COUNSELING
2007-07-29 03:42:38 · answer #9 · answered by diz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have thought of that before you married him.
2007-07-29 03:36:50 · answer #10 · answered by Old Man 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋