I hide myself in the darkness;
Letting it consume me,
I just welcome it so easily.
But can you see it?
The pain in my eyes?
Or are you all too blind to notice,
That it doesn't take much anymore.
As shadows creep;
Holding me tightly,
Covering my mouth,
Invoking my mind.
But I can't fight back;
The words they say,
What they do.
I can't fight anymore,
I have no more reasons to.
2007-07-28 18:01:41 · 4 answers · asked by u_know_who 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Is this a revision? I seem to recall seeing this before, but this write seems better, more refined. I'd recommend dropping the "just" in line three. I'd also drop the "are you all" in line 6 so it just reads "Or too blind to notice" or "or all too blind to notice"...I think the shorter line actually helps there. The same goes for the next line where you could cut "anymore" and leave it just "that it doesn't take much"...the anymore would be implied even if you don't use it. I'm also not sure if you really wanted "invoking my mind" or wanted "enveloping my mind".
...but that's it! The rest I think is pretty well done. Nice job.
Keep writing
2007-07-31 20:23:48 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the darkness is eatting you!lol
sad poem
Get glad with glads zip lock bags!
2007-07-29 02:02:29 · answer #2 · answered by - 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really like this. it explains me perfectly. nice job.
2007-07-29 01:07:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
too sad, way too sad.
2007-07-29 01:25:56 · answer #4 · answered by Samantha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋