mothers only please?

Question

I am an expecting mother, my husband is in the military and is gone for up to 3 months at a time. I am also still in school and will be for the next 2 years, i know i will have to take off a semester. It is an unplanned pregnancy. now he is gone right now and will be gone for about half of the pregnany. I am scared to death of trying to get through the pregnancy, raise our baby, finish school, and not too mention i need to get a job, for at least a little while, we need to get another car and save money for when the baby comes. I havent told him any of this yet, I dont want him to have to worry about me when hes gone, he already does that enough. We talked about him getting a lanf unit for his next station, but he is afraid of losing the sea pay it is like 400 a month. so i dont know what to do, do i tell him about it now or wait until he gets back home, we we put in our choices for relocation a few weeks after he gets home. sorry if it is confusing or doesnt make sense.

just to clarify, he knows im pregnant we found right before he left, i was wondering if i should tell him about the whole stressing otu and trying to get him on a land unit

Answer 1

i know it is hard but you can do it. think positive. i would plan to live near family when he is gone so you have someone to help. Also get a family member or a close friend to go to appointments with you when he isn’t here and to be in the room when you deliver. its a hard life but it has been done. my father is a retired marine he was in for 20 years and there were allot of times my mom had to do it on her own but she managed. it was rough i remember her calling him telling him about things that went wrong and him feeling so help less bc he was in a different country! but we all made it out ok any time he was going to have to be away for a year or more we would move by family that way my mom had a support system. my hubby has talked about going into the military but i told him no way my dad did it so think that pays my families debt ok i put it a bit more dramatically my dad was in operation desert storm or the gulf war so i say i already risked loosing him im not going to risk losing you. what you need to do is sit down and make a plan. then when he gets back talk to him about it and you will have something he can look at. literally get a calendar that has just the months not the individual days for like the next 3 years and first write out what will happen each month then go back and add things that you want to happen for example figure out how your due date coincides with the school semesters. that way you can figure out more accurately how much time you have to take off. also how high are the chances that he will be stationed away from you when you go into labor and if he is gone will he be able to get back in time? when you need to get a job and when you should have the money to get another car . good luck Just try to remember that every person in the military is a hero and that you will have a tougher life but it is because of that that we have this country!

Answer 2

My husband was also gone for the majority of my second pregnancy. Its hard, but you can do it. I promise! I was working full-time and had a 1 year old son. It all worked out OK.

That $400 extra a month is awfully helpful, but it would also be EXTREMELY helpful for him to be home with you. Especially since this is your first. You two are just going to have to weigh out those options. My suggestion is to tell him sooner than later. Since he's away, he's missing out on some of your pregnancy already. Don't let him miss anymore than he has to. Yes, he'll probably worry. That's what husbands do when their wives are pregnant whether they're 1,000 miles away or 10 inches away.

Remember, the pregnancy and birth are 100% payed for with your Tri-Care Prime. You won't have to worry about that. Also, start checking into Family Advocacy and seeing what kind of free classes and clinics they host. I just got a goodie bag FULL of diapers, wipes, baby blankets, bottles..... They'll also give you a free layette package when the baby is born. It includes a diaper bag, an outfit, diapers, wipes.... it may differ branch to branch and base to base, but its still helpful.

I hope this helped calm your nerves a bit. Email me if you have ANY questions.

Answer 3

Well, from what I can tell you are asking should you tell your husband that you are pregnant. Is that right?

If that's what you're asking, you need to tell him ASAP. This is obviously going to require a lot a planning, and you two need to be a team and tackle this together. I know you don't want your husband to worry, but that's his job. You shouldn't shoulder this alone right now, you will need support and that's why you have a husband!!

Also I know this all seems overwhelming, but with the two of you and a good game plan, you'll come thru it like a champ. Just keep telling yourself "Millions of people do this in worse situations than I'm in." When i was pregnant, that was my mantra. We had so much going on, and for brevity's sake suffice it to say the timing was the WORST but we got thru it and you will too!! Best of luck to you and your hubby and congrats on your little addition!

Answer 4

Oh hun - This is so hard - my hubby is military also so I know what you are going through. We have been lucky so far and the longest chunk of time he has missed was 3 months but we are looking ahead and things do not look so good.

I know my husband & I talked about it ahead of time and he told me he would want to know. He would not want me to wait because then you have had 3 months or whatever to get used to the idea and he hasn't. If he worries about you when he is away I am sure that this won't help but in my opinion he deserves to know. and you deserve to be able to tell him. You didn't get pregnant alone and you shouldn't have to be pregnant without his support - albeit from a distance.

As for the money - I am not sure of his rank but if you are not working you may qualify for assistance from WIC (Women, infants & children) while you are pregnant and breastfeeding. If i were you before I started trying to get a job at a time like this I would look into all avenues of assistance. That way you will be able to continue with your schooling. Look into scholarships. There are a lot of assistance programs out there for military spouses. Have you spoken with the education officer/counselor assigned to his unit? They should be able to point you in the right directions.

Good luck to you!

Answer 5

Congratulations on the pregnancy!
You should tell him. Then find a support group on the base and talk to other military wives/moms. They have all been through this and can give you advice and support while he is away. Oh, it sounds like you are planning on overdoing things right now. Don't stress out. It is not good for you or the baby. Handle one thing at the time.

Answer 6

OK first calm down and breath. I know its alot to go threw. i have to boys 8 and 2 my husband is in the army. hes been overseas twice now i was pregnant the first time he went over. so i know alittle of what your going threw.you need to talk to him and let him know how your feeling and why your worried.its stress ful enough just being a military wife and he knows that. trust me i've learned the hard way that you can't be super women all the time. its better if you and him can talk and figure somethings out. you know whats best for you right now. but there is help in the military like cheaper daycare,wic and other things. but you don't need to hold all of this in . I hope that you figure it all out.P.S. i just graduated and i was working and raising kids so If i can do it you can do it. so try not to worry :)

Answer 7

You are putting too much pressure on yourself right now. The best thing to do is to tell him. I'm sure he will be so happy. After you tell him, you both can talk about the best way to accommodate your new life. I'm sure you have all these thoughts racing through your head, but in the end it wont be that bad. He is gonna get paid more money for having another dependant anyway. Smile, chill and congratulations.

Answer 8

Sounds like you have a good man based on what you have said abt him worrying abt you. I think you should tell him -- don't wait . thats what marriage is supposed to be abt. Joining together and experiencing good as well as bad. Tell him even if its an unplanned pregnancy. you both are responsible equally for planned or unplanned. you will get through it all.
signed , a mother

Answer 9

Wait till he gets home. But in the mean time check out what your options are. Find out what sort of support is out there for you, both private and military.
If you are on base, talk to the other military wives and see what they do to cope. Do you have nearby family or friends to help out? Don't be afraid to ask for help.
You are entitled, your husband is laying his life on the line for his country. Good luck with the little one, and may he return home safely.

Answer 10

I have 3 boys one with Downs, so I don't work. My fiance just left to go to Iraq July 8 and want be home until Jan. and I go to school online, it's more convenient. But if I were you, I wud just wait to tell him face to face, that way yall cud celebrate it together and he don't have to worry even more being that he is gone!

Good Luck and Congratulations!!!!