Poem..Good or Bad?

Question

Hello stranger
Hello stranger
You came just in time
I look for you face in a crowd
Or in line
Hello stranger not a moment to soon
See that old picture is fading in the droor of my room
Now toys have gone lost
Baby teeth have come loose
There were accidents involving stitches
Spilled Juice
Report cards were shone
And one time I got sick
But it’s nothing I couldn’t catch you up on quick
Hello stranger I save you a place
And it hardly seems strange
Now that I’ve seen your face

Answer 1

it's beautiful..

Answer 2

Hm... I'd say right about in the middle. The topic is decent... the word choice and order is good as well. But, maybe a few suggestions? take it like a poet lol?

Ok, well if I was you, I'd add in some punctuation. Example:

Hello stranger.
Hello stranger.
You came just in time,
I look for your face in a crowd,
or a line.
Hello stranger, not a moment too soon.
See that old picture is fading in the door of my room.

See? Punctuation helps benefit your poem greatly. It helps add in nice pauses, guide the reader, let the reader know when to take breaths, etc.

Now, try to make your lines a similar length. Like "Or in line" is much too short compared to the rest of the lines. It sorta breaks the flow (or at least for me).

I would do:

I look for your face in a crowd,
or in a seemingly endless line.

Does it flow better to you?

Do what YOU think is best, and most importantly, keep writing!

Answer 3

Well, I'm not sure how old you are, but I can hear the voice of a young poet in there. So, here's my comments:

"I look for you face in a crowd"...should be, "I look for your face in a crowd", or "I look for your face in crowds", followed by "and in lines" or "and in line". Don't use "or" when you mean "and".

then, "hello stranger" add a coma "not a moment too soon"

then, "see that old picture fading "on" the door "to" my room?"

Don't use "now" before "have gone" unless you say, "now, toys have gone lost" indicating that the word "now" is being used as a pause and an attention grabber.

Also, "spilled juice" is a noun and a modifier...not a sentence. Try "and that mess with spilled juice" (or something along those lines).

"report cards were "shown"...but? were they good or bad? it would help if we knew which one.

Also, you're missing a beat before "quick"...try, "but it's nothing I couldn't catch you up on real quick"

then, hello stranger...comma...I've "saved" you a place.

finally, try, "you hardly seem a stranger, now that I've seen your face."

Otherwise, it was a very good first draft.

Keep writing!

Answer 4

Read many current poets. Start with journals you can easily buy at bookstore or go on line as many website journals let you read sample poems or evne the enitre issue. You can get name of poetry magazines at duotrope.com. If the magazine or company wants you to put up money or buy the anthology then it is a gimmick because they accept everybody. Read the pulitzer prize winners, take a poetry class at the local college. Share yur poem with people who are not your "firends" or your "family" or someone who is going to say it is great. Ask them why it is great and what they liked bes & least about it. Look for honest answers.

Then write something you know about that you can show in a single scene or moment instead of telling the reader what to think and feel. Stay away from vague abstract language like beautiful and good and bad. They are vague because people are individuals and what is good to one person is not good to another. Use the five senses, describe more, stay away from weak passive verbs like 'to be' and the '-ing' verbs. Use allusions and metaphors and similes and lots of action verbs. Avoid cliche similes & metaphors that have been heard before like walking on eggshells, hit the nail on the head, sweet as cake. Use alliteration to emphasize certain words. I hope this helps. Get on sites where you can post your poems and get 'honest' feedback like splahhall & critical poet & poetry circle.

Answer 5

Very melodic and song - like! Good work! Just go back into the poem and do some minor editing! I think punctuation is a good thing (eww...sorry, I sound like Martha Stewart! LOL!). It is though! Also, there are a few minor typos; like "droor" in the 7th line should "door". Did you mean "shone" in line 12? It is a bit awkward. All art is a work in progress; this one is progressing! Kudos!!

Answer 6

That poem was said on an episode of As Told By Ginger where she was asked to write a poem for some show thing.

Answer 7

Awesome thats the best poem i have read today!
Keep Writting!!

Answer 8

I really like it I think it's nice.

Answer 9

this one is very good, you chose you words beautifully. very nice keep it up.

Answer 10

it is lovely and romantic..