he calls them during they week they always say "I will let you know" (if they are going to come over) then you never hear from them. he has been divorced for 4 years, separated for over 6 years. the oldest son has never forgiven him for divorcing his mother, now the 14 and the 17 year old are actually talking and hanging out together which this has never happened since they were little. The 14 year who used to come over regularly now tell's his sister i hope dad doesn't call me and want me to go over...... yet when there's a trip or birthdays/holidays they are definitely around. Should my husband keep calling all the time and begging them to see him? And pay for them to go on vacations with us when they don't see us any other time?
2007-07-28 10:21:34 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, he should keep trying to see them. Some day when they grow up they will see all his efforts to see them, and that despite their making it difficult, he was always there for them.
Children are generally selfish little creatures and your step sons are not that unusual. So the fact that they are there on holidays, birthdays, and vacations should really be that surprising, or disturbing. They are just normal kids and eventually all those times they have spent with their dad will be cherished memories as they become adults.
Unfortunately problems like you describe (older son having never forgiven his father for leaving his mother), are very common in a divorce. Especially if there was another woman involved prior to the divorce. Often people don't fully consider the consequences before they divorce. It has a big impact on the children, and definitely can cause hard feelings for years. I'm not saying that a person should never get divorced if they have children, but too often people divorce without considering the consequences.
Your husband needs to keep bucking up and being the man and do his best to stay a part of his kids lives.
And for you as the step mom, you'll need to be supportive in any way you can regardless of the $ spent on the children. You knew he had children before you married and vacations, gifts etc. are all commonly part of life with a persons children. It sounds to me like you might be a little resentful of the $ he is spending on his kids, or the time he spends trying to get them to visit. You married a package deal his kids are always going to be a part of his life, and now yours also.
2007-07-28 10:41:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough eh? Stepchildren are not always easy . But dad shouldnt have to beg. Invite and if they come its because they want to come. As for gifts and trips well as Dr.Phil says you teach people how to treat you. If he is always handing out the cash then the kids know go to dad cause dad has the cash simple.
2007-07-28 10:35:20 · answer #2 · answered by jennifer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can encourage a relationship with them, you should. Tell them to respect him, especially give him credit if he pays child support. Give them the guilt trip and if they don't respect him for that, reinforce it. Your kids might be divorced dads too someday, that last thing you want is for your grandkids not to receive child support or to disrespect them. What goes around, comes around.
2007-07-28 10:35:55 · answer #3 · answered by PersonalImprov 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
kids expect a little to much from the parent they visit or don't live with full time,and sometimes play one parent against the other , that parent do all the can to make up for the times he or she was absent ,once you start something it's hard to break it, dad has to do what he think is best.
2007-07-28 10:40:30 · answer #4 · answered by elizabeth_davis28 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he should keep calling and trying to get them to see him, so that later when they are adults and trying to work this out, they will recognize that he made every effort possible.
HOWEVER.....no more vacations. You and hubby take your own personal vacations and when you see the kids, have it be normal stuff at your house.
2007-07-28 10:37:19 · answer #5 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes, Though its sad they haven't learned any values, they are still his children and every minute he is able to spend with them is a chance to give them a good memory to look back on when they are older, when all is forgiven, and they realize the mistakes they've made.
2007-07-28 10:29:52 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Children will behave as children and adults as adults.
Your husbands relationship with HIS children is HIS business, not yours and you should definately not interfere with your opinions or views.
2007-07-28 10:35:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nope. they are using him. they are really mad at him and want nothing to do with him UNLESS it benefits them in some way. its sad but kids do it all the time.
my bf is the same way. always calling them and everything. and the ONLY time they call him or want anything to do with him is if they want money or something.
2007-07-28 10:36:57 · answer #8 · answered by princessfionafantasy 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋