I have been married for approx. 9 years. However, about 8 months ago, I began sleeping around. My significant other had been my first and only one. we met at age 16 and married at 17. I had always been very curious about being with another person. However, I never actually "jump the hurdle" (sort of speak) up until 8 mo ago. Since then, I have been unfaithful. I have already been with 3 other persons. My partner is a good man. Makes me feel loved and gives me a lot of attention. But honestly, there has been so many prob through our marriage that I am no longer in love with him. I feel very sorry for him and im afraid what would become of him if i left him. I have always been the provider in the family and have been since weve married, that being 1 of our biggest problems. I feel sick inside and feel like a horrible person. I know this will definitely destroy my partner’s life. He loves me very much! But I cant deal with it all anymore. Please advise.
2007-07-28 09:41:44 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to seek counseling. Sure, you got married at an early age but sex is not how you deal with a dull marriage. If you put 1/2 that energy you use lying and sneaking around into your marriage - you might actually reignite the spark. I think all wives and mothers can relate to how you are feeling. I for one found something positive to put my energy into - school. With of that said - if you don't love him and see no room for change, you need to leave. I wonder if there are kids....
Good luck.
2007-07-28 09:51:23 · answer #1 · answered by Candy517 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well my advice to you is to do whats right in your heart. Now that you've jumped your "hurdle" you may not be curious anymore. How about you tell your husband what really bothers you. I.E. Finances. Give him a chance to change. Then if he isn't willing to make that sacrifice in which I dont see why he wouldn't in that case he's really not a real man anyway. Of course that's my opinion. And then get a separation. Then he will see that you are serious. If you get divorced it wll get messy and he will probably go after your for alimony. And I really hope you don't have kids involved because then it can get really ugly if he finds out that you were cheating. If you don't do anything about the situation and you decide to stay with your husband and not say anything you will continue to cheat on him.
2007-07-28 16:51:42 · answer #2 · answered by Tiffany Patterson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will not judge you, but I think you feel terrible because you KNOW that what you have been doing is NOT right.
I guess I'd say go to therapy or counseling, and try to figure out what your issues are. The sooner you find out WHAT is making you act this way, the better it will be. Something is causing you to cheat on your husband- and it must be addressed ASAP or you will continue in this vicious cycle.
Also, try to have the tables turned. How would YOU feel if you found out your husband was doing this to you? And how would you like him to change or to act? Think about it...
Finally...IF after therapy you still don't want to be in this marriage, do the less hurtful thing- and file for a divorce. Let him go and hopefully he will find a good woman who will love him.
2007-07-28 20:31:38 · answer #3 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be best for both of you, to go your separate ways. He deserves a wife that appreciates him, loves him and can be faithful. You contradict yourself in so many ways, if you cared in the least about him, you would have never cheated.
You can let go of him without hurting him anymore, why telling him you've slept with other men for the past 8 months??
Just tell him you don't love him and you two need to go your separate ways. But, don't make the wounds any deeper by telling him about the others.
You never know what he's reactions will really be, it could be inward or outward, anger towards you. You should both seek therapy, and be able to divorce amicably.
PS: I hope there are no kids involved, because if there is, remember you will still need to communicate with your ex.
2007-07-28 17:01:45 · answer #4 · answered by Emerald 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not judging you. I think you need to talk to him about what happened and tell him how you feel. You aren't doing him any favors by staying with him. He is probably much stronger than you think.
Don't sleep with anyone else until the two of you have decided for 100% that it is over. The guilt is eating you alive..so the affairs aren't helping you anyway. They are only a quick fix for what you feel you are missing in your relationship.
The truth shall set you free.
To help yourself with the guilt, ask God for his forgiveness. He is a loving God and will absolutely be there for you when you need Him!
Take care.
2007-07-28 17:03:34 · answer #5 · answered by ShineOn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You got married too young. You weren't ready to be married. The other problem is that you do not respect your husband, probably because he's allowing you to be the breadwinner. Because of those two reasons alone, you should take control of your own life and separate, and eventually divorce your husband. You're not responsible for him and his life, just your own. I would not tell him about your infidelities since it would do no good and only create more hurt for him. Be as kind as you can with him, but definitely seek an independent life of your own.
2007-07-28 16:59:35 · answer #6 · answered by cynthiajean222 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
why did you cheat on him in the first place, better yet why did you marry him if youve thought about being with other people? that would just put him in a horrible place, you have to tell him the truth, he derserves it, he deserves someone else who can be true to him, having problems in marriage is not the excuse to go jump in bed with someone else, becuase all marriages are not perfect, just tell him the truth before he finds out another way.
2007-07-28 17:59:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have two choices.
Stop cheating on your husband and work on the marriage and yourself.
File for divorce. Let him go. Stop betraying his trust. Get counseling to help yourself.
Your marriage may have problems, but your Husband doesn't deserve to have to live a lie. Your behavior is placing him at risk. Be honest with him, tell him that you have been seeing other men and let HIM decide of he wants to live like this.
2007-07-28 17:21:45 · answer #8 · answered by joyh 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You feel terrible because you are guilty of adultery. That is just a fact, not a judgment. You have forgotten your marriage vows, remember they go like, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until DEATH do us part.
Love is a choice not a gift from others. You should stop your adulteries and be faithful to your husband. Read 1st Cor Chpt 13 in the bible and find out what love really is. You can choose to fall in love with him again. I hope you find out what love is first.
Adultery is a sin that comes with dire consequences. You have free will to commit it, but you can not change the consequences.
I hope the best for you, turn from your sin and do what ever you have to, to make your marriage better. You can do it.
2007-07-28 16:52:25 · answer #9 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think you should both go to marriage counseling and let your feelings out and see if this is something you both want to work on, and if not at least you both know you gave it a try and you can both end the relationship with some sort of closure.
2007-08-01 13:41:24 · answer #10 · answered by beba 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋