A lot like Love..but is it wrong if you are married to someone, and feel for both?

Question

I dont know how it can be wrong if this is how your heart feels. I am married, love my husband..i am so grateful to have him. I also have a close guy friend who is married, and has a wonderful family. What I dont have with my husband, I have with my friend. I can talk to my friend about life, love, many other topics..i feel he is close enough to me so I get a lot from his friendship. I don't have this kind of relationship with my husband. He gives me where my husband lacks. But I started to have feelings for him. and maybe he has for me...i know to a certain point it is more than friendship, a lot like love. but..how can it be wrong when this is how i feel? how can it be wrong when he is not like other guys..where he doesnt want to take advantage of me, even when had every single opportunity. When he wants me to be happy with my family. How can you not feel for someone like that. I can go on w life wit

Answer 1

You're looking at the world through rose colored glasses. There is nothing wrong with you having a male friend while married, but you're beginning to cross the line. You need to back up and slow down before you end up hurting a lot of people including yourself. Your vows to your husband are sacred as his are to his wife. If you two end up having an affair, your relationship will not last that long. Your husband will eventually find out and so will his wife. You need to start communicating with your husband about what you're missing in your marriage and try to repair it so the both of you will be happy together. If all else fails then get a divorce, but do not cheat on him whatever you do or you'll regret it for the rest of your life. You will end up with no one; all alone with your regrets. Tell your male friend that you care for him but the two of you need to start spending more time with your spouses and not with one another. Don't fool yourself here. Do not allow the intense passion you have for your friend to destroy your life along with so many others. Be strong.

Answer 2

To me, your not facing the truth. That is how you know it can be wrong. Let me read between the lines here - your 'husband' provides monetarily for you and buys you whatever you want...am I on the right track here? Love is NOT artificial - if you loved the "friend" you would not entertain such thoughts in your mind.

You wrote that this is something that you speak from your heart, but you only wrote what is heard of from your mind. DO YOU LISTEN TO YOURSELF? (1) You started having feelings for someone who, it is very evident, loves his wife. (2) Maybe he doesn't take "advantage" of you because he respects you as a friend - honey, it's what friends do. (3) He's not "like" other guys (tells me you go out on your man a lot) - because he isn't - he actually thinks he is your "friend." (4) You've never actually had a male friend before - have you?

Come on...he doesn't take advantage of you because HE IS IN LOVE WITH HIS OWN WOMAN. Do you get that or are you still sleeping? Come on! That is sooooooo weak and lame. Hmm, what is that was going on with "your" husband and a female he called 'friend.' You'd let it happen just so you'd feel self-righteous about defiling some other woman's husband.

Your words give us all (females and those in Yahoo Answers) a true glimpse to your own disfuntional brain. Your own insecurities or self vanity...either way, you need to go home and talk to your husband about everything. What you're feeling, your insecurity, your desire to ruin a perfectly good "friendship" and try to induce "sex" into the mix. Everything! How can you be married and hold it in? I wonder what married and trusting men out there would feel right now if they knew you were their wife talking about this stuff on-line!

The flip side to this: Reading what you've written makes me uneasy. I too have someone who has a female friend who I trust he is just a friend too - but loves me. As his lover, I trust them both to know not to destroy what matters most - their own family's. It is women like you who can destroy a perfectly happy guy and his entire home.

Answer 3

I have been in similar situation , I grew up with mostly guy friends . they all still come over and visit me and my family. One friend in particularly told me I was everything he wanted in a woman but he too was already married and I had been married for quite sometime. although the love and temptation was there , I thought about what i had with my husband , the kids and total financial support at the time or do I chance it for the love of my friend who knows me and my secrets and still loved me. I chose my husband, Now am going through a divorce due to his infedelity. Should have picked the one who knows me best. but he is expecting another baby and I think for the most part, he is happy. it is okay to love them both just don't act on it unless you know for certain that your friend is willing to make the sacrifyce as well

Answer 4

YES indeed very wrong to wanna jeopardise your marriage.....he is probably your best friend and with HIM you talk about other special stuff thats why he is your BEST friend,dont forget it....maybe because you feel you are closer to him than to your hubby you CONFUSE this new feeling for LOVE but maybe its just appreciation and compassion and TRUE FRIENDSHIP....dont thow it away over some casual sex-affair and then what????He doesnt wanna take advantage of you and he want you to stay with your family so he doesnt wanna have some cheap fling.....try to define your feelings for him as truly platonic and you keep your fantasies whenever you get a bot lonely,bored etc.but dont do anthing stupid,ok

Answer 5

I really understand you and feel what you feel , but i think it is a wrong situation , as you must all be for your husband and kids and he the same , it is diffecult as it is not arrange thing it relate to heart and feelings , God help you

Answer 6

Does He have those kinda talks with his wife. He tells you what you want to hear. People want to be the good guy. Sorry but you need to let that one go.

Answer 7

This is SO hard. But if you continue, you are likely to ruin your marriage and the friendshop. Believe me. I know what I say. They could both split.

Answer 8

better be careful,look before you leap,this could cost you your husband,and you could ruin his,my advice to both of you,is take a cold shower and cool off,he has kids,not fair to them,

Answer 9

you need to go to counseling with your husband and try to resolve these issues that you are getting somewhere else!

Answer 10

If you didn't think that something was wrong with this you wouldn't be asking this question.