We have been dating for two years (today is our anniversary)... :'-( and we've been having SO many issues and struggles... too many to list here. A lot of our recent problems have to do with my fiance wanting to get too involved in my child support issues and my ex. My ex is really trying to do his best and be a good dad to our six year old son and we just updated our child support. From 250/month to 625/month. Granted, my ex has been making 40,000/yr for the last two years and didn't report it, so he's been jipping us of money our son deserves for two years, but it's fixed now, and I just want to be civil with him for my son's sake. My fiance just wants to "slaughter" him for what he did. I think he (my fiance) will come around, but it's causing quite a few issues with us. I love him so much and he loves me, no doubt about it, but I suggested taking a break to clear our minds. He's kind of leaving it up to me. I'm so scared I'll lose him! Is this a bad idea? I'm so confused!!!!
2007-07-28 05:22:17 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A lot of my friends think I should just drop him like a bad habit b/c they've seen all the hard stuff I've been through with him... but they also don't know all the details. It's frustrating b/c I feel like I may be basing my decision on what my friends think and I don't want to just take their advice when they are somewhat blind. They all know I'm considering a break and they'll probably be super annoyed with my if I decide to not do "the break"... Help please! I'm so confused and scared and missing my baby... I just want to make sure we're in this for the long haul. I don't want to be another divorce statistic. We've been engaged for six months and we haven't set any dates yet. Is this strange too? I wish I just had a huge sign with the answer posted on it for me. I've been praying a lot about it, and I just can't come to a conclusion... Any advice/suggestions will be greatly appreciated!!!
2007-07-28 05:27:21 · update #1
To clear up a couple of things here: I was never married to my son's father. I got pregnant at 18, and he left me when we found out. He wasn't around again until my son was almost 4 years old. So I have never been married, and the reason I believe marriage is important is I believe that sort of committment (if God is involved) is sacred, and something I want. I just don't want it in bad timing or with a man God does not have prepared for me. And the thing is, my fiance feels just as strongly about this as I do. We talked some more this afternoon on the phone and we're both confused. We both think we want to do what's best for our relationship, even if that means a break, but when we think about taking a break, we both feel like we're going to vomit.. it's such a frustrating situation. I don't know what to do. Maybe we'll just work things out. I sure love this man, and he sure loves me. And anything worth having is going to take some diligent work.. Maybe I'm wrong... who knows?
2007-07-28 11:16:56 · update #2
Also, I REALLY don't think my fiance thinks I'm going to get back with my ex. He KNOWS how much that is NOT a possibility... yuck... and besides all that, my ex is married with another son anyway.. I don't think it's a fear of infidelity with my fiance... really highly doubt it anyway....
2007-07-28 11:20:25 · update #3
I'm not going to get into the child support thing, even though I think men get raked over the coals hard on that issue.
You say you want to marry this man, but look at all the problems you are having now.
Once you are married, there is no "taking a break", so you better be sure of what you are doing.
Why do you need to get married anyway?
You don't have to be married to be happy, and you already had one unsuccessful marriage.
Too many women think they HAVE to be married to be happy. That is not the case.
Marriage should only happened when there is absolutely NO doubts about it, and the trust is complete and unquestioned.
If you are not at that point, then DO NOT GET MARRIED.
My impression of your fiance is that he wants your ex to pay this support because it's more money coming in a month when you do get married.
If you lost him, what's the worst that could happen?
Like you said, don't be a marriage statistic.
If you have been engaged for 6 months and not even set a date, neither one of you really want to get married anyway.
2007-07-28 06:33:07 · answer #1 · answered by Mr R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to you fiance about the child support issues. Let him know you and your ex have worked out the financial arrangements and that's what it's going to be. It seems like your fiance really wants to be supportive and helpful and also not feel like an outsider in the decision-making process - which is good b/c when you're husband and wife that's how it should be - you become a team who are supposed to have each others' backs. The love is there so if you want a future with him listen to your heart, not your friends - this is your life. I'm sure your friends are just trying to be good friends b/c they care for you and have heard all the drama so it might make it difficult for them to accept things or believe this is a healthy relationship. In the future maybe you shouldn't tell them all the drama and try focusing on the good parts of your relationship - that will ease their minds and probably stop whatever negative things they have to say about your relationship - that is if you definitely want to stay in the relationship.
2007-07-28 12:35:55 · answer #2 · answered by needstoknow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if you are afraid of loosing your fiance then dont do it. you need to tell him (your fiance) that reguardless of anything, your sons father is still gonna be in your sons life. a lot of the time men are really insecure about relationships. he is probably under the impression that you are gonna get back together with your ex. if your fiance loves you like he says he does then there should be no problem between him and your ex. he needs to understand that your ex is not just an ex, but that is the father of your child. i am pretty sure if you fiance has kids he would understander the whole situation.
2007-07-28 12:29:02 · answer #3 · answered by mrfreaknasty909 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT ALLOW ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP AND IT'S ISSUES TO COME INTO UR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP. IF HE IS JEALOUS, WHICH, THAT IS THE ISSUE, I THINK, IT IS A RED FLAG. THE MONEY TO UR CHILD IS JUST THIS, AND UR CHILD SUPPORT U GET IS NONE OF UR FIANCE'S BUSINESS- AT ALL. IF U SEE RED FLAGS, TAKE A BREAK. DON'T LET THIS BE AN ISSUE IN A FUTURE MARRIAGE. GOOD LUCK TO U!! TAKE CARE!
2007-07-28 12:28:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though your finace wants to be involved he has to let you make the big decision regarding your son and ex and not give you grief about it. It is going to be like this for ever, so he needs to learn to deal or you need to find someone else.
2007-07-28 12:26:52 · answer #5 · answered by Summer B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your a young lady u are the one that has control there are a lot of blokes out there just waiting for a girl like y enjoy your life while y can there are about 70 summer times in a life time that's not many get out and find another
2007-07-28 12:33:03 · answer #6 · answered by david p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him then it doesnt matter what ppl like ur friends think and if your son likes him then your fiance should be able to help. your fiance isnt dropping the subject because ur ex took advantage of u and ur son.
2007-07-28 12:42:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time out to clear the head, you need this, why are the kids always hurt buy what the parents do????
2007-07-28 12:51:07 · answer #8 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋