Mullet Drive-In......................... Jason Entrigardida
I went to Wally World today
To buy some Gold Bond.
I saw a bunch of crazy peoples,
as if they were from an asylum.
Twas a family of four--
Mom, Pa and two teenage boys.
They wore blue jean jackets
With Lynyrd Skynyrd shirts.
They also had Sonic cups in their hands--
The big 64 ounce kind.
But when I bought that Gold Bond,
What I most remember about that family--
Is that they all had mullets.
Even mom.
th'end
2007-07-28 04:58:57 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
it's an ok poem, but there's no meaning to it, just describing a family of mullets. usually, in a poem, hids an undiscovered meaning or moral to it...
2007-07-28 05:06:48 · answer #1 · answered by VolleyGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, here's the deal..."people" is the plural of "person", so "peoples" is a double-double...no good. Just say "crazy people".
"twas"? This is not a Shakespearean sonnet, you are not a citizen of the 16th century, so just say "it was"... "twas" doesn't make it sound any more poetical...trust me on this one.
There is a poem in what you wrote, but it's only a few lines long...and it shows what some editing can do...for example:
I went to buy some Gold Bond...saw a family of four:
Mom, Pa and two teenage boys.
They wore Blue Jean jackets With Lynyrd Skynyrd shirts.
Had Sonic cups in their hands--the big 64 ounce kind.
But what I remember most is that they all had mullets
...even Mom.
It isn't exactly Robert Frost quality, but it "is" your poem, I only trimmed it down to the essentials and inverted one word pair (remember most became most remember)...yet it sounds quite different.
Anytime you feel your poem is starting to wander, try picking out the essentials of the story and going right for the heart of it. You may not end up with a masterpiece, but it will usually improve the work.
Keep writing, you have a good sense of humor.
2007-07-31 18:57:40 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jason,
You make sure you had a wonderful time, I am assuming you.
If this is your first poem, keep the poems coming.
I write poem when I am out too.
2007-07-28 05:50:17 · answer #3 · answered by sweet_blue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well shoot pa ... it's all business in the front and a party in the back!
I like it ... I just wish it rhymed. I think that a cheesy rhyme scheme would be perfect in this poem. (c:
2007-07-28 05:11:36 · answer #4 · answered by Cinnibuns 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Keep 'em coming. The next one may turn me on. This one, however, left me cold as a fish.
2007-07-28 05:09:58 · answer #5 · answered by sleetseeker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am crying tears of joy... You! You are the great artist that brought this poem into the world... you are amazingly talented... you are...
2007-07-28 15:51:31 · answer #6 · answered by Heather B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋