it has been going on for years .and i let it happen. my kids see it daily.and i would never lift my hand to a woman .it seems like im just a weak person .i just cant take it no more .can anyone offer me advice .thanks guys .
2007-07-28 04:10:50 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Leave your wife, nobody, not even a man deserves abuse, especially if she is doing it in front of your children, what idea is that giving them? I say tell her to get help and then maybe you'll come back, until then leave..and take your kids with you.
2007-07-28 04:14:01 · answer #1 · answered by catrina230 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi
Thanks for posting this message, it must have taken some courage to do this, which just goes to show that youre not a weak person.
It is time to make a stand, you are perfectly right not to hit youre wife back, however, she really needs to know that what she is doing is unacceptable.
Leaving her as others seem to suggest is an option, but Im sure if you were considering that, you would have done it by now.
Society conditions us in such a way, that we dont hear about this kind of thing very often, but you are proof it does happen.
The first point of call should be your GP, explain to him what is happening, and he will put you in touch with people who can help.
If you are in the UK Relate may be able to help ( http://www.relate.org.uk/ ) they help people through difficult relationship problems.
If you are uncomfortable with this, or simply wont do it, then you need to pull in a third party, a proffesional (not Police or Lawyer, but minister of religeon perhaps, or a really good friend of the pair of you)
You and your wife, and the third party need to sit down, during a calm moment and talk about this, and why she hits you, and what drives her towards the violence.
She will say that it is something that you do, and then together you can identify where it is the violence comes about.
The third party is there to keep the peace, and call time out if there should be a break down in communication.
It may be that youre wife and you need to find a way to alert each other to the fact that an argument is about to start, like the red card system, where one of you displays a red card.
The symbolism to this is that when the red card is produced BOTH PEOPLE must move to a different part of the house for an hour or so, and then when they come back together, are NOT allowed to talk about the earlier situation.l
I hope this helps, If you find you need furthur help, you can call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 in the UK, who are available 24 hours a day for support and advice.
Take Care Buddy
2007-07-28 04:43:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,you are not weak it takes a strong person to admit they are getting beat up.You have made the first move by writing it down.Now you need to get away from her.I would find some place to live then when she is out pack my bags & go.I wish you the best of every thing in your new life.Good Luck
PS/ If she is also abusing the kids go & see a solicator you can file an injunction order & get her removed from your home.
2007-07-28 04:18:19 · answer #3 · answered by Ollie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have choices: Leave! Call the police next time! When you next visit her parents, raise the subject, (or in company she respects). Give her a slap back, hard enough for her to realise that it hurts. If you leave don't leave the children with her (who do you think she will take it out on?), secretly video her hitting you, then post it on u-tube, show her the answers on here and see if that makes her realise she is horrible. If a woman were asking this question, all the girls on here would say the same thing.....Leave!
2007-07-28 04:22:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Youre not a weak person. You should leave and if shes violent to the kids as well take them with you. There are places where battered men can go, same as women can. Best thing is to go to the nearest advice agency, law centre, homelessness place, whatever you have in your area and start finding out there exactly where you can go.
2007-07-28 04:15:53 · answer #5 · answered by jeanimus 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She no doubt is suffering from Manic Depression or Bipolar Disorder or both. She probably needs to be on medication. Spousal abuse never stops and it gets progressively worse until eventually there is a death, most likely yours. It's too late but you should never let your kids see you get beaten by your wife. You need to call the police the next time it happens, let her spend a night in the pokey because that is where she will end up if you call. They will council her and she may even realize that she needs help. If you can't bring yourself to do that, it is your responsibility to get yourself and your children out of this environment. I hope you didn't expect someone to tell you how to cope with this woman. You've let it go too long, and if she refuses to get help, then your only choice is to get a divorce and to get those children out of that situation. If you can't to that, then you might as well just roll over and die right now.
2007-07-28 04:30:48 · answer #6 · answered by GunnyCee 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I've been in your situation.
It's easy for people to say leave but I know it can be hard or even scary to do.
You say your kids see it. You and your wife are teaching your kids that it is normal to be hit by the person you have a relationship with.
If you can't leave I understand but what advice are you going to give to your son or daughter if they come to you one day and say that it's happening to them.
It's going to be one big circle you can get help and you should not feel embarrassed to ask for help.
When I left my violent partner after 3 years it was hard. I packed my bag and I was terrified but I had to leave or he could of killed me. I have now met someone who is lovely.
I know you can do the same.
you are not week you are stronger than you think.
2007-07-28 04:32:12 · answer #7 · answered by sam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either your wife has a mental health problem that needs to be looked at, or you and she need to talk about something that is making her very angry with you. Don't let it go on any more. Your children must be so unhappy and they can only look to their parents to make it better. Tell your wife that you will go to the doctors with her and help her sort herself out, or to some sort of marriage counsellor. If she is not willing to do this for you, then you must take the kids and get out.
2007-07-28 04:19:43 · answer #8 · answered by Normsgirll 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you're going through domestic abuse, and I'm pleased to see you have come on here asking for advice. It let's other men know they aren't alone.
You should report her to the police and you should also let your doctor know what is happening to you. Look in your yellow pages under domestic violence/abuse, for a telephone number and call it. They will give you advice..
I know it's not easy for men to stand up and say they have a wife that beats them - men that don't hit back are usually the ones that get beaten up by their wives. I'm so sorry for you. I wish I could help in some other way. Please do look through the book and do get help - this is such unacceptable behaviour and it's even worse to think that your children have seen it.
Good luck to you. Please get help.
2007-07-28 16:01:32 · answer #9 · answered by 2dog 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men gets abuse the same like a man abusing a woman. Call the police to her attention and file charges if need be.
She has to learn to keep her hands to herself. Do not be ashamed as this will help the situation to get better.
2007-07-28 05:26:05 · answer #10 · answered by JoJoBa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋