how long would you take it for?

Question

well its happened again,i've fallen out with my wife over her kids,my stepkids.I'm sick of there destructive behaviour,rudeness and hatred.there father is no help,counselling hasn't worked and whatever punishment is given they return to there normal ways.i've had 7 years of this,how long would you stand it,and i've stayed this long because i love my wife,i'm beginning to think it's not worth it anymore.

they are females aged 16 and 13,they have lied about me hitting them and are always threatening to tell there dad when they are punished.I don't hit my own kids never mind someone elses.

counselling failed and my wife has tried everything possible.

to REDBIRRD92,thats what worries me

they have loads of mum time,i don't interfere in that,my wife knows how i feel we've nearly split up before over this

Answer 1

Kids can only come between a married couple if that couple allows it.
And she is allowing it.
Does she realize you are at your breaking point?
If she did, I would guess that she would decide to come down harder on her kids.
I'm in your wife's shoes. I've been with my hubby now for 8 years. I was divorced from my children's father for 10 years now. My kids are 15 & 17. They are good kids, never in trouble with teachers or the law. But my ex is definately more strict with them then I am. And that has caused problems with us in the past. I always thought he was too strict with them. Well guess what, they show their Dad alot more respect then they show me. So now I am regretting how much of a pushover I actually was. My hubby now loves my children, but when things started getting on his nerves about them, then I realized it was me not my kids. I was just letting them get away with too much. So I sat them down and explained to them that they have taken advantage of me....because I have allowed it....but it's not going to happen any more. I told them the rules, I told them the consequences of them breaking the rules, and this is just how it's going to be from now on. Well it took some time, and that work is still in progress but it has gotten alot better. When my kids start with the mouth, I tell them they're giving me mouth or attitude and I want it to stop....and after quite a few punishments for them to realize I mean business...it has gotten better.

I couldn't blame my ex for getting frustrated with my kids, it was my fault.
He loves them and I know he does, but I had to do something about it or I knew it was going to cause problems between us.

Good luck to you
Maybe it's just going to take for your wife to realize that this is affecting you this way and she might lose you before she decides to put her foot down. The most affective way of discipling the kids is to be consistent and don't give in. Stick to the punishment that has been dealt out.

I wish you the best
Your hands are practically tied when it comes to the kids, so the only thing you can do is let your wife know how it's pushing you out the door.

Answer 2

Hi,there hormones will be all over the place.They are at a very awkward age & sound like 2 nasty pieces of work.It's a pity there father will not take them.Then he would soon find out what there like also I bet they would soon want to be back home.They are playing you & your wife off against each other.If you leave they have won by the sound of it you are in a no win situation.You love your wife I would hang in & wait for them to leave home the 16 year old will soon be old enough then the other one can follow her infact the 16 year old is now old enough.Would your wife agree to putting her out of the home it might be the shock she needs.Good Luck

Answer 3

How long to take it is for you to decide. Perhaps seeing a counselor yourself over this will give you some objective perspective to think about.

I can see why you'd be frustrated. Why doesn't your wife do something about the kids? Surely she's aware their behavior is causing a rift in the relationship between you and her.

I hope you find a solution you are satisfied with...but bottom line, you shouldn't stay indefinitely in a situation where you are unhappy. Something's got to change.

Answer 4

being a step parent is very hard...I am one. you're a parent, but you're not, you're involved, but you're not, you have a say, but you don't. In most families the biological parent needs to be the primary disciplinarian and it doesn't sound like that's the case. By being the one to discipline your bonus kids you've opened yourself up to resentment. It's a lot easier to resent you than their mom. If you've tried counseling I don't know what to tell you. There is a very high divorce rate among 2nd marriages and conflict over raising kids is a big factor. I can't say how long I would put up with it because I'm not in your shoes..I wish I could help more

Answer 5

I am sure you have spoken to your wife about this so I will skip that. Obviously the Children have no respect for you and probably continuously tell you that You are NOt their Dad and do not have to mind you. Your Wife should have established your position in the very beginning," that the children did have to mind you". After 7 years, I am afraid its too late unless your Wife gets Firmer with them and you can earn their respect. Respect is not something that is just given, it has to be earned. I wish you Luck..

Answer 6

It is time for your wife to put her foot down and stand by her decisions. If I were you, I wouldn't want to be put in a situation to where you and one or both of these girls are alone at any time. This is for reasons already mentioned within your answers here. I would also advise you to go to CPS and ask to speak to somebody about the best way to handle these girls. They have experienced every aspect of this and may be able to offer some advice. If all else fails, how would these girls feel about living with daddy?

Answer 7

Hi, If you love your wife then you may regret leaving her, how does she feel about the situation? These unruly children wont always be children, they may turn into unruly adults, then again they may begin to settle down as they get older i feel for you because it sounds as if you are in a no win situation, tell your wife of your feelings, don't let them bottle up inside of you, does she take the children's side? or is she also fed up with them. You are bound to feel it's not worth it is there no other help the social services can do for you,

Answer 8

I don't k now if I have the answer your looking for but I am currently going through the same thing. I have 2 stepkids and 2 of my own. My husband thinks his 10 yr old son can do no wrong! Well when he isn't around his son is rude, obnoxious and just plain mean to me. I tell my husband and he says to me " well what did you do to him?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME! what did I do? Yea ok I made things up to get him in trouble! Well I told my husband that this isnt what I signed up for when I married him and I will not ask him to choose between me and them but he has to come up with a better way to deal with this situation. I tried and lost! I thought the same thing that is wasn't worth beign aggrevated all the time but you know what? It is worth it! Have a talk with her about it all when the kids are not around and come up with a way for both of you to deal with this. then she has to talk to them alone and then all of you together. Have weekly meetings about what they all feel has happend during the week and get them books to write in so that they get their feelings out on paper. If they do this they won't feel so angry and they will have a way to vent without hurting anyones feelings. It iwll work over time you just have to give it time. Hang in there I am with ya!

Answer 9

Teenage girls are a handful, I know.
They can be some snotty little b i t c h e s when they want to be.
Sounds to me like these girls are extremely spoiled.
Unfortunately, marriage is "for better or worse".
All you can do is press on. They will grow up someday, but it's a rocky road to the finish line.
Giving up is the coward's way out.

Answer 10

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