I need some help. Is my wife miserablle because of me? Or is she just a miserable person?

Question

SHe tells me that it is just her. I feel bad that I can't make her happy. And I can't stand the vibe in the house anymore. I am a positive person but with ehr being miserable, it's hard for me! It is taking a toll on the kids too who are now almost always down on themselves. I am gettign down on myself. She says that it is just her and not me....but when we argue about it, she is always telling me about what I did to make her miserable. I didn't do this, I did this...etc....if it is just her, why throw it in my face like it's my fualt? I feel bad....I think I am about to divorce because of it. Help!

Answer 1

sounds like she is suffering from some sort of depression and may need a little help, she knows in herself there is something thats with her, but when confronted she lashes out at you, classic sign, she cant shout at herself, maybe suggest she visit the Dr and discuss how she is feeling with him/her and see what happens
stick with her, if it is depression help is readily available and doesnt mean a bottle of pills these days, good luck

Answer 2

try to get her out of the house even if its just taking the kids to the park or even the zoo.take a picnic and cover and try to enjoy the day.go for a walk with her and the kids.get a sitter for all night and take her out.go to a national park and enjoy eachother,then out to dinner,then to a movie or whay ever you two enjoyed when you fell in love with her.she doesnt feel like anything but a maid to you and the kids.shes not feeling like you care that shes even there.a woman doing the house stuff,the kid stuff ,etc. can feel unappreciated.she feels like she has no life.do you ever bring her a card,call her to see how she is.or try to help her out in the house?guys see it as the wifes place to run the house ,but when you are there 24/7 it becomes a prision.you get to walk out the door ,see other people ,and have probably a half hour to an hour to yourself.does she get any?you also get some weekends off and probably paid holidays,does she?you have the money and she has none.men see it as they have it so hard,but try to be in her shoes totally for 1 mo. then you will see its not a picnic,its a job that doesnt stop when you punch out at the end of the day like you do because a family is never ending and pulls on a female.

Answer 3

Well I am probly the last person who should be giving marrige advice but I can tell you this, I am like that now. I am unhappy and afraid I will never be happy. So I just snap all the time. I feel everything is on my shoulders and I can't handle one more thing. THe truth is, I don't love him anymore. I want to I just don't. You need to sit that lady down and get to the bottom of what is wrong. It is both of you causing this because everyone walks around on egg shells. She is afraid to tell you things because it makes her feel like as if she failed. I know because I am there at that point. It wont get better till you change the vibe. I think you helped me in someway to answer my own question. Funny how looking at others make you see yourself.

Answer 4

It sounds like depression. She should seek individual counseling to work on herself and find out what is making her so miserble in her life. I think you both should go for couples or marriage counseling before you just throw in the towel. Remember the vows you took with her said, "through sickness and health". Depression isnt a state of mind, it is truly an illness that will affect her state of mind. I hope it works out for you both. Once she starts feeling normal again, the whole family will feel better. You might want to get the kids involved too in some family counseling. Her depression is affecting their outlook too. I wish you luck.

Answer 5

It is NOT you. Stop feeling bad you cannot make her happy. No one can. She should be the one feeling bad for what she is doing to you. Many women complain because they are unhappy in their situation. It could be their personality or it could be child care is difficult. You can give her an ultimatum. Say that this is not the way you want your children to grow up. You want sunshine and fun in the home.Start documenting what goes on in case you ever need an attorney. This sounds harsh but the alternative is going to therapy which is not only expensive but also she would most likely be medicated and who knows who she would be then. Im for the old fashioned shape up or ship out therapy. ( dont think it will be popular on this site)

Answer 6

It sounds like it is just your wife and something that she is going through. When you ask her about this she is probably being honest with you when she says it's not you and she knows it's her, but just doesn't know what to do about it.
But at the times that everyone is making her mad, she won't admit it's her because it's so much easier to blame your faults on someone else.
The time to talk to her is not when she's in one of these moods. And even though she says it's cause "you do this" or "you did that", it usually isn't.
But you also need to tell her you are at the point that you don't care what is wrong with her but she needs to do something about it because it is affecting the "whole family". And of course you do care what's wrong with her but if she's not taking your help, then there's really nothing you can do about it. But you also can decide that you just can't put up with it any more either.
It's one thing if she's being this way but she is trying to get help, but if she's not even going for any type of help then she's not going to change.
You haven't said your age, so I'm wondering if it could be pre-menopause. I can relate cause I'm going through it right now, but I also tell my family "I know I'm cranky so just leave me alone for a little while and please don't make me mad".
I'm in that "pre" stage so doctors can't put me on anything yet.
So I'm wondering if it could be something like that for her or is something bothering her? But if she is saying it's not you, then she is realizing that she's being this way and either she can't stop it or she just can't deal with whatever is bothering her.
It could also be a chemical imbalance. A depression. And people need help with those when it gets to this point.
My ex husband did but he wouldn't go for the help (hence "ex" husband). He always blamed it on everyone else and I used to say to him "Oh ok it's the rest of the world, but it's never you right?" He used to get mad at me, but that was exactly what it was like. So then he went to the doctor's for help. Found out he did have a chemical imbalance and it was causing a depression. They put him on medication, and he was a whole new person, actually the way he "used" to be. Then one day he decided he didn't need the medicine any more, he decided this not the doctor. So he stopped taking it, it didn't take long for me to realize he wasn't taking it any more.
And he wouldn't go back on it, said he was fine and the problem wasn't him it was me. So eventually I left him. We divorced. Well he found out the problem wasn't me it was him. Because as soon as I wasn't there any more for him to blame it on, then he realized he needed that medication. To this day (that was 10 years ago) he is still on his medication. I could tell in the past, how he was with the kids, if he was taking it or not. He will have to be on the medication for the rest of his life due to the imbalance. He wanted to get back together, but in that time before he realized the problem was him, there were too many things said and done that hurt my feelings and once you've been hurt too many times, those feelings just don't come back.

I hope she will listen to you and get some help so it doesn't ruin your marriage like it did mine ;)

Answer 7

I am assuming she was not like this when you married her, was she? What has changed that may have made her this way? Honestly it sounds like she is either depressed or looking for something outside the marriage.

People choose to be happy, sad, upset, ect. No one can make you feel anything and more importantly no one can make you react to something in anyway.

I would talk to her about this and try to get some help for her.

You made vows, "for better or worse", this is worse. Unless she is being abusive in some way then you need to work it out.

Answer 8

if she is miserable all the time, maybe she has clinical depression. I would say she should go to a doctor and get diagnosed and figure out why she is so depressed. There is help for this. Now would not be the time to leave. Help her. Tell her she has to go get checked out. If she gest medications it should help. tell her if she won't do it for you she should do it for the kids, because they are becoming miserable because of her .
It's worth a shot.
Good luck

Answer 9

She sounds depressed. There is help out there for depression. It is her, if she blames you at all it's because she is miserable and lashing out. Since this is affecting the kids and you, I would tell her to seek medical help ASAP. There's no reason to live in misery in this day in age.

Answer 10

You can't "make" her happy. She has to find happiness within herself. It definitely sounds like she is depressed and counseling and/or medication may help her. The best thing you can do for her now is to support her and offer whatever help you can, but she has to want to make the changes in herself first.