Help... lately my fiance seems to be too comfortable in the relationship and taking things for granted. I always feel like he prefers to spend time with his pals. He also dun really take initiative to do activities together with me.... when i have time to see him... its either at home when he is back from work or he be too tired and sleeping...... i spoke to him on this before and he assured me that he loves me and dun see nothing wrong in the relationship....... but i do feel it....
i dunno if i am selfish feeling this way, but i reallly do want to spend some time with him together doing things together.... but its getting lesser now..... since we move into his parent's our intimacy level has gone down alot...... we make love like once a month or longer than that..... and i am tired of grumbling to him as it makes me feel bad... its not that.... i just want him to balance the time spend properly... dun just stay home with me only when he is tired or is on morning shift the next day
2007-07-27 19:15:11 · 15 answers · asked by waverine 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok forgive me if this is long BUT I am going to have my 30 yr. Anniversary this August so I feel I am speaking from experience. Let me ask you, is he taking things for granted? or is this YOUR view on things? We women have to be careful NOT to let our emmotions get in our way and make our thinking foggy. On the other hand he should be wanting to spend time with you. I gotta say that I am a firm believer that the saying "the honneymoon is over" does come from somewhere. I just don't think that the fireworks can last forever. Maybe I'm wrong BUT when finances and kids and just everyday stress comes into play as you two make a life together, things WILL change. The sad thing is that your not even married yet. Believe me, if things are not right now, they won't be after marriage and there is a good chance of it being worse. Who cares who is counting on you? What should matter is YOU. If this is a mistake it is going to be a hard one to deal with. I also would like to say that I believe it is important for a couple to have their own lives to a certain extent. It's healthy to have their own friends, and in common friends too. I believe it is important for both to have a hobby and be able to get out now and then. I'm not talking about something wild I just mean maybe a movie with friends or something simple. I don't think a relationship with someone is a healthy one if one of them thinks they have to be with the other at all times. Sex? well if the love and passion were there, I can't see why he wouldn't want it. I sugget you give this relationship and marriage some serious thought. I have to say too that I think you know what you want. You just have to convence yourself to be honest to yourself. Good luck.
2007-07-27 19:29:32 · answer #1 · answered by fur_ever21 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust your instincts!! Whatever is bothering you right now is going to bother you 20 times more AFTER THE MARRIAGE. He is not being attentive to you or listening to you at all. No you are not being selfish hello? he is. Honey Im gonna keep this short and simple cause I been there a few times I know it will hurt but back out of this marriage now, Unless you both have counseling or some miracle happens your already looking at your future, only worse. I see it just by what you wrote. Women settle so easily for nothing. Stand up and take a second look at this, you understand balance but he doesnt. Men are different creatures then women and if you think your going to change him your wrong. Im so glad Im older now and have figured men out and believe me its not very complicated at all. here is a case of he just knows he has you so he has you at home and can do whatever he wants also without 1 care as to how you feel. I would stay with you too. save yourself from a lifetime of hurt!!!
2007-07-27 20:19:19 · answer #2 · answered by maryann c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should spend time together. Go out to dinner one night during the evening, in mid week. Plan a entire weekend together. If he says "no!" then tell him you think it would be
best if the 2 of you did not get married. This will wake the guy
up and see that something is wrong. Make a list of things that you see as shortcomings so you 2 have something to say of worth to each other. Do not show the list.
2007-07-27 19:22:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are feeling normal...it is normal and right to want to be together with someone you love....with sex...many people are either really sexual or others are not...but once a month or longer is a long time....and it also depends on your needs and wants....
...maybe it is the living situation and work demands that are not helping things for you both....
...will you be moving into your own place together soon?....even your own small apartment would be a great change for you both....
...and I have known some guys that even when they have normal working hours are just lazy and want the girl only to work around whatever they want....and to me that was never a good thing...so much better when the guy makes a real effort of being together...
...talk with him...and if there are no changes from him in all these areas...sharing time together and a better way to live for you both...you can always change your mind and not marry him ....it is your happiness that is also important....it all depends on what makes you happy...you have a right to be happy....how do you want to live?
2007-07-27 19:47:16 · answer #4 · answered by answergirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know that it's hard to have a efficient relationship when you don't have your own place...My fiance and I sometimes have the same problem but we solved our problem with date night...every Friday night we do something out together and then stay up late with each other...it's kinda like our time with each other...we put a side everything that happened that week and just be with each other to be with us...it's great and it's helped our relationship out a lot...so i hope this helps try having a date night once a week it doesn't have to be Friday night just a night where you each make a little sacrifice for the sake of your relationship...good luck!!!!! it's just a hard time right now and if you can survive the hard time then you will know for sure that your relationship is meant to be and you will be stronger because of it....
2007-07-27 19:23:03 · answer #5 · answered by alwyswaiting107 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He changed like this because of the parents. It could be very depressing to move in with parents. Get out of the house with him to an apartment alone together. And you will see him change back to who you know. It's a profound effect parents have on their own children.
2007-07-27 19:27:06 · answer #6 · answered by jrie67 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't feel selfish. If you are not 100% sure don't do it. Talk it over with him and let him know how you feel. If you still don't get the results you're looking for you may want to set the date back alittle. And living with his parents will only make things harder because they will take his side. Best of luck. Just take your time and be sure
2007-07-27 19:21:03 · answer #7 · answered by countrygirl969702 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it ain't good now it sure as hell ain't going to get any better. You need counseling now just think what it will be like in 20 years. Marriage is forever, You two are about as compatible as alcohol and driving. They won't work. Take a break. Give it two years. You got the time...
2007-07-27 19:21:53 · answer #8 · answered by allen_f_sunderlin 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sex only once a month before you are married is a bad sign.
I think you should move out of his parents house and see what happens.
Living with your parents can't be good for intimacy.
I think you're right, he's taking you for granted.
2007-07-27 19:21:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bail. Ive heard this before. Bail out before you're stuck with 3 kids and he's cheating on you with some skank. Move out of his parent's place, reconsider the marriage, and pay attention to what he does.
2007-07-27 19:20:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋