I don't want my parents to get a divorce! Please Help Me!?

Question

A few years ago they fought, and stopped for a while. But now they fight every day! They won't talk to each other and my mom keeps telling me what a horrible person my dad is. He just hit her once, because she was being REALLY annoying(And even sometimes I think so too!) They fight for every little thing! My dad's been asking my mom whether he should file for divorce! I didn't think he was serious..... And now he said he'd go out to buy a camera, so he can take a ew pictures of her before they get divorced! Please, what can I do? I feel like it's my fault! I don't want to end up like 42% of my friends; without a father in my life! Do I write to Dr.Phil, asking for help? I know it sounds pathetic, but something, anything, please!

He's only been abusive to her or my sister and I once!

Answer 1

I promise you that getting a divorce isnt the end of the world. It is in NO WAY you fault! So please dont feel as though you caused this. Sometimes it works out for the better that some couples divorce. (My sister and her husband divorced 2 years ago-- they couldnt be around each other toward the end of their marriage without yelling but now they are the best of friends...) There isnt really much that you can do other than to be there and support both of your parents. I am sorry you have to go through this, but it also isnt right that your father hit your mother / you/ other family memebers. This is not acceptable!
I hope things work out for you! Best of luck!!

Answer 2

My mom and dad were both great. They loved each other as friends long after their divorce and until the day they each passed on. A marriage does not equal love always.

What I am trying to say is that my parents stayed together until I was mid teens- just for me. Once they were divorced, they actually became good friends. It was the nicest thing to see them happy and being kind to one another after the divorce. This could very well happen in your case too.

Just for the record, the getting a camera so he could take a few pictures of her before the divorce...well, that sound just like a silly thing said in the heat of an argument. Sounds like he'd miss her if he must take photos before tthe divorce. ;) It probably doesn't even mean they are getting a divorce.

I've heard kids of divorce say they feel like it is their fault- I don't get that at all and didn't when my parents divorced either. Why would you feel like it is your fault? What WOULD be your fault, or would at least make you feel guilty down the road, would be if your parents stayed together miserable, long term, because of you, or for your sake, like my parents did. I felt awful because they STAYED together so long for me. You really don't want to be in that position either.

The most important thing is that your dad get counseling or take an anger management course, as hitting only once is still wrong! Also, your mom should not be telling you what a horrible person your dad is, despite what he did. He did a bad thing by hitting but that does not make him a horrible person. She is acting like the child, not you. Your dad seems to be acting a little immature if you overheard the camera thing. You don't say how old you are, but please keep that in mind. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Hi, the most important point...really the only one is for you to realize/understand/believe and KNOW....it has nothing to do with you. I hate divorce also but did it years ago after tying everything....but knowing it was a bad marriage from the beginning. But I tryed for the sake of my kids. My kids would have been better off had they not listened to Mom and Dad fighting for years.....one perspective.

If you want some control over what feels like an uncontrolable situation...Try talking to your parents. Tell them that if they love you at all they will stop being so selfish fighting among themsleves with no regard for you.....and get counciling if they have any desire to work it out, or regard for you......or make a decision.....but you don''t want to hear the fighting anymore

Your call, but taking some control might help you which includes never allowing yourself to think any part of their marriage problems is YOUR fault

Answer 4

Dear Moni,
Well first of all, I too am a divorcee so that already could discount my authority in this subject but what I can only say is based on my own personal experiences.

Sadly, the divorce and separation statistics have long been climbing and till about 15 years ago, to very alarming rates. There are many factors that cause family breakups and believe it or not, most of them are spiritually based. And alot of it has to do with pride. Pride is so subtle and comes in many forms including false humility. Another factor is basic personal dysfuntion [s] brought into the marriage by individuals....in layman's terms, emotional baggage.

No amount of disagreement between spouses should merit any form of abuse or dishonor. Each one is responsible for his or her actions and consequences thereof. I feel that your father dishonored your mother by 1]. hitting her; 2]. belittling her to you by even trying to justify why he had hit her. That's foul!

Both your parents need to submit to a reputable counselor because they apparently cannot resolve the disputes in a responsible and mature manner other than yelling at each other....unaware that they are modeling these types of behaviors to their own children.

Someone must intervene and it cannot be you. One last thing, your best defense is prayer. No one ever went wrong with prayer. The strongest weapon you have is when you are on your knees. Believe me, the Lord honors prayer borne out of a sincere heart. God bless you and take care

Answer 5

As much as I would like to say everything would be okay it might not. You have to realize that there's nothing you can do about this situation. It's going to be hard but, understand that it doesn't change the relationship that you have for your father and mother. I know you don't want to be a statistic but, it's life. Just be happy that your not the only one that this has happened to. So many people are quick to judge about single home families (not you) without having much knowledge to what goes on in these households. It's the way of the world. Time will heal itself so allow it to do that because like I said before you cannot do anything about this.

Answer 6

If your parents' relationship is so bad that he is abusive to you or your mom, it is time, I hate to say, for her (mom) to file for divorce and run, do not walk, away from him. She would do you and your siblings justice to get away from him. Any marriage that goes wrong is sad. I am divorced. I hated to leave. But even though it was only a few times that he was abusive to me, I found out later that he had been very bad to my kids and they had not told me about it for the same reason you are asking this question....they did not want us to divorce. Now, though, years have passed, we all get along fine, even my ex. He goes to visit them and me sometimes and it is all in the past. It took years to reach this goal. It was not easy. Divorce never is. But one thing I and my children now realize is that I should have divorced him much earlier and we all would have been better off for it. The fights, his abusiveness (not justs physical, but believe it or not, mental abuse is even worse) and my kids' constantly living on edge, worrying just like you are now, cost them emotional distress that I wish they had never had to endure. I can never give back to them their lost childhood and I am sorry they had to go through the rough divorce. But looking back now, the children can get by without being left "without a dad" if the two parents can just agree the marriage is over, and be civil to one another, let the children visit their parents whenever they want to, not when a judge says so, and if your parents can do that, then you can have a good relationship with both of your parents and please do not feel you have to take "sides". You do not. Marriage is their thing, not yours. All you need to know is that they both love you and accept the situation. I know it is hard. But the day will come when you are older and you will realize that if they stay together, it will cause you all terrible emotional distress and you could have much happier lives, all of you, dad included, if you just accept that a marriage is over when the shouting and abuse begins. It is not fair, either, to see your mother abused, even once. This shows your father has not respect for your mother. She is the mother of his children. He should at least respect her for that. If he does not, then I hate to say it, but you will be better off if he leaves. At least the daily life would be calmer. And try not to take sides. Tell them both that you love each of them, but do not want to take sides and remain neutral, if you can. That way, they understand that you are not to be used as a pawn between them in their arguments. You really do not want to live in a household with fighting and abusive parents, do you? Tell your mother that maybe they can go to a counselor or if your father will not go, then you and her go. A third party who is impartial can sometimes help a lot in situations like this. Good luck. I hope everything works out well for you.

Answer 7

first of all" ITS NOT YOUR FAULT".you don't say how old you are,but if your as young as you sound then you need to understand that sometimes we grownups just can't get a long and its better if we go our separate ways. you need to understand that that we don't get married expecting to get a divorce sometimes we change and grow in ways that are just different from each other.you can try to get them to get counseling but if they are not willing there really isn't anything you can do about it.life is full of disappointments and it is not fair some things have to be dealt with.if they do split up don't pick sides its hard on both of them just as it is on you,and don't let them try to turn you against the other.sorry but there is no easy way out of this if your parents are miserable together then maybe it might be better if they are not no matter how you look at it some ones heart is going to be broken whether its yours or theirs.

Answer 8

Remember you don't know the whole story about their problems. I know it must be hard for you i know when my mother said she wasn't going to let my dad back in the house i felt sorry for my dad but i also know how my dad treated my mom. Some people grow so far apart that by staying together it just gets worse for them. If they love each other a separation might be the best thing for them in order for the love to come back.Absents make the heart grow founder.

Answer 9

There is nothing you can do to save the marriage. It sounds like your parents have been unhappy for a long while and they should go their seperate ways before things get worse.

The problems in their relationship are not your fault. Its between your mom and dad. They are unhappy. You love them and want them to be happy. The way things sound, they would be much happier if they weren't married anymore.

Honestly, I think you would be much happier if they weren't married anymore. There would be less fighting, anger, resentment and misery and more energy to devote to being better parents.

Answer 10

i dont think you can really do anything but i would just stay out of it i know that is easy to say but i do know how it really feel im devorce now and my mom and dad is devorce to so i do no how you feel i stood with my exhusband who was very abusive it tookme only 1 more year before my daughter was 18 then i left and got a devorce he almost killed me but now i came back home after 7 years and he is now my best freinds i share a room at my old house now and we all are very close i cant belive my kids came out ok after all the fights cops and courts i couldnt put him in jail i felt it would have been harder on the kids so i let him off,and that was heard to do but now we are very close i would just try not to let it get to u they need some time to think about it and if it starts to get abusive i would not tell them and call the police because its,too much after a while . no one should have to go thru that because that is called family abuse dont stick around