Few mths ago, I realisd my husband had a new female friend he was getting close 2, atho he nvr metiond her 2 me. I startd chking his cell msgs n concluded that altho thr was no actual relnship, the girl was definitely super-friendly, beyond what I find acceptable. I hired a PI, found tt he was definitely lying 2 me abt spending time with colleagues when he was actually with her. When confronted, he insistd he wasnt doing anything wrong, even denied she existd until i named specific time and place he had been with her. then he said she's some business contact. said he lied 2 me becos i have a habit of freaking out, which 2b fair, is true. we talkd n set boundaries 4 his interaction with her. lately he's been deleting msgs, which i noe cos certain things in his records dont seem complete. dont think he's cheating, but the lies r still burning at me.cant stop thinking abt wat he did, feel i cant trust him one bit, keep sniping at him and am going mad frm the stress.
2007-07-27 18:29:12 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Doesnt help that i noe he still lies abt some things, even those not related to that woman. Basically, my husband tells lies. Ican't get ovr it, and at the rate we are going, we are going to split. I love him a lot, but i just cant find a way to trust him. he just keeps insiting that he is not wrong, and is back to denying that he actually went out with her. everytime anything related to her comes up, we end up fighting. i noe i shld trust him, but HOW? its so easy to say, so difficult to do!
2007-07-27 18:31:12 · update #1
Well if he isn't cheating sounds like he's really flirting with the idea and that's not cool,how would he feel if you all of sudden got a really close male companion and were deleting messages from him. You have to make him see and understand that it can be a two way street and if he won't listen then show him.
2007-07-27 18:33:15 · answer #1 · answered by letgoletflow26 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Trust once broken can be rebuilt but it definitely doesn't happen overnight, it takes time and a lot of work. But the way I see it is you know he is still lying to you so there is no trust right now and you can't have a relationship if it's not based on at least the premise of trust. You need to call him on this and know up front that you have to stand your ground on whatever you say to him when you start this conversation. It could mean that you guys seperate if you just can't get past the whole thing.
Go with your gut, I'm sorry but we usually know deep down when our partners are lying or unfaithful and I believe that from what you said you know the truth but maybe don't want to face it. " it's not all in your head, and you're not imagining things that aren't there" sound like something he might have said to you?
2007-07-28 01:44:29 · answer #2 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you want to trust him, that's the love in your heart. I know you want to love him. After all what did you get married for? But does he still love you? How can you trust a lie? I mean you know hes lying. Once he lied once you wont be able to forget that every time he brings it up. Maybe you should take a vacation from the madness. Maybe take him along with you and make sure he doesn't do anything else. See when this would happen to me what I would do was test his love for me. I would leave for awhile and see the outcome, we wouldn't break up or anything but when I would return he seemed to be much happier than being with me 24/7 but in your case I wouldn't do that cause sounds to me he is still on the path of cheating. So what I would do is go somewhere, just the two of you and talk. Have fun and make him forget everything. Make him think of you and romance is what hes looking for so be as romantic as you can. Maybe that's what you need is a romantic vacation for just the two of you. Sorry to hear your problem, hope it ends well.
2007-07-28 01:46:20 · answer #3 · answered by Heather N 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all your in denial. You say he's not cheating but he lies, not only lies but about a women. Then you change your thinking and accept his actions. Most time when someone especially a man have something to hide these are the things that occur. If it innocent then he shouldn't be lying even if you can't handle the truth. Why spend so much alone time with this women? Do you really think he would confess to you and, tell on himself. Reality, you can't trust him because his making that impossible to do.
2007-07-28 01:36:45 · answer #4 · answered by Promise 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First, you need to yell him that you arent able to trust him. Tell him that ever since you have caught him lying to you that you feel like everything he says is/ could be a lie. Tell him where you stand and that you want to know EVERYTHING. (**be prepared this could be things you really dont want to hear--I learned the hard way but its better to know) If he continues to deny things then you need to make a choice if you can continue to live without trusting him or face reality and break it off with him.
Best of luck to you!! Hope this helps!!
2007-07-28 01:37:32 · answer #5 · answered by ....jaimie.... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but if he is deleting messages, he is doing something that he doesn't want you to see because it crosses the boundaries of what is acceptable in marriage, and he knows it, and that is why he lies, to try to hide it.
He has not come clean to you. You can't trust someone when your logical brain tells you the truth, that you are being lied to, even when your emotional brain doesn't want to believe that someone you love would lie to you and hurt you.
But your logical brain is going to insist that things don't add up, and your logical brain is not going to accept the lies. Listen to it, listen to your head in this case, not your heart.
2007-07-28 01:45:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't think he's cheating? He's deleting messages because he has something to hide from you and he knows you're looking. Obviously he cannot be trusted or you wouldn't still be checking up on him and he wouldn't be deleting messages and lying to you. Without trust this is never going to work! Either you both need to get serious counseling or you need to go your separate ways. Without trust you have nothing.
2007-07-28 01:36:10 · answer #7 · answered by Tammy B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey, first of all, ask yourself do u still love him. If its a yes then try to talk to him about it, why he has the female friend out there and has been lying to you. If no, i suggest you to get a divorce. I hope everything works out for you. Oh, and communication is the key to working this out, by the way.
2007-07-28 01:40:32 · answer #8 · answered by ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
his lies are the reason for the distrust and instinctively until he can tell you the truth and rebuild some kind trust with you trusting him will never be in your full ability. if he wants the trust he has to earn it. trust should never be a gift but a privilege.
2007-07-28 01:44:05 · answer #9 · answered by codi jo p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he lies to you regarding small things, don't you think that might spill over onto the big ticket items? If you have no trust, you have no marriage.
2007-07-28 01:33:10 · answer #10 · answered by Grace 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋