My friend Kathy is a closet drug user (she had previously admitted it from me) she has recently been diagnosed with schizophrenia plus depression. I havent spoken to her in a few months and the other day she called me trying to borrow 40 bucks from me. (I know 40 isnt much but I work hard for my money and I'm not just gonna hand it out to someone who does drugs) She tried telling me some lame excuse that she needed the money for bus fare to find an apartment because she just got section 8. Kathy has been on the BUS FOREVER and that is her only mode of transportation, she knows better than anyone that because of her disability she can get a $15 monthly bus pass. How do I tell her I think she's lying and how do I end this 20 year friendship? I do not want to be friends with her anymore especially if she is going to lie to me. Am I wrong in feeling like this?
2007-07-27 18:18:38 · 23 answers · asked by Princess 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
For the Chelsea that told you to go up , and help your friend. You are not helping by giving them money for drugs. And when someone has a drug problem , they will lie to get money for their habit . and at first they pay you back , But then they get to where they don't care. If you really want to help her, I would say maybe the best way to help her is to practice tough love with her. Let her know that you don't want to lose the friendship. But you don't want to be around to see her destroy her life. and you are in no way going to give her money to do that. then break all ties with her.
2007-07-27 18:38:43 · answer #1 · answered by Joan f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not wrong to want to stop being friends with someone who is no friend at all and is using you. She's probably hit all of her family up and close friends, and is now calling everyone she knows to see if someone will give her the money.
Say no. Don't try to explain why you won't lend her the money, because drug users are very adept at poking holes in arguments so they can get that money. Just say "Sorry, I can't". To end the friendship, just let it fade away. Stop answering the phone if you know its her. It sounds like if you don't lend her money, she'll probably stop calling you anyway.
2007-07-27 18:37:44 · answer #2 · answered by Penelope 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I can't blame you. Actually, many people with mental illness become drug users because they're self medicating. You have to be honest and tell her that she can obtain a bus pass via the route that you mentioned and explain that you simply don't have the money to loan as you have your own expenses to handle. You may want to tell her that she should accept medical help, there's a lot available for her if she's willing to help herself. More than anything pray for her. You may not be able to fix her problems but you can pray for her to receive divine intervention. She deserves a shot at a good life.
2007-07-27 18:25:03 · answer #3 · answered by CUrias 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, you aren't feeling wrong about this, as she's trying to get by with your sympathy. Don't play into it...the old saying goes, "Misery loves company", one can't be miserable by themselves, so they drag those that will go along with them. It's hard to turn them away, but in the end, once all the demons have gone, she will remember that the tough love you have given her, you were her friend indeed. It isn't easy, direct her to the appropriate counseling agencies in your area, wish her the best. Cry if you must, it isn't easy, but know you've done the right thing.
2007-07-27 18:32:29 · answer #4 · answered by S&yW 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong to feel this way.
If I was in your place, I'd say: "Listen, I KNOW what you are doing. If you want me to take you to rehab, I'll drive you, but only there. Call me when you need help with this. I love you, but I'll not give you money even if I had millions."
And NO matter what she says, do not argue with her, do not continue this conversation. If she gets upset with you, so be it.
Be firm. Drug addicts are the best lairs in the World. They even believe themselves. They always want other people to feel guilty for not "helping" them. Do not fall for this.
2007-07-27 18:29:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is hard to believe the drug users. You can choose not to see her or answer her calls. Also, let her know that you don't want to see her again and promise her that you will not borrow any money to her. Something the truth helps to get things straight!
2007-07-27 18:23:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anthony T 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say your friend has a problem! Ask her to be honest with you and have her tell you what she needs the money for. Make her promise to pay you back. Tell her that if it is drug money, you don't want a friend that takes advantage of you and lies to you. If she admits she has a problem, take her in for drug counseling!
2007-07-27 18:23:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Instead of giving her the money, and you want her to stick with what she is saying, buy her bus tickets or a gift card of some sort.
2007-07-27 18:22:11 · answer #8 · answered by iwasmadeinmexico 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth. What do you have to lose? Her "friendship"? Tell her to call you when she gets medicated and off the illegal drugs. You don't owe her a thing. If all else fails, when she calls, tell her - "I'm so glad you called. Can I borrow $200 for car repairs? I am SO BROKE."
2007-07-27 18:22:25 · answer #9 · answered by Wendy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
friends dont wait that long to cal each other. if you know she.s has a habbitt like that be frank and just tell her you dont have any spare money to loan . that way no harh feeling.s on this matter with you and her . she find another person to get the money from and your mind can rest knowing you did not give it to her . no you aint wrong on this matter in no way. in my opion?
2007-07-27 18:26:15 · answer #10 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋